Mothers, Fathers, Sons, Daughters and Indeterminates

Baldrick Spot Iceman Hashgate Mother Theresa Lemming BGB Honeymonster LeVoisin TinOpener Midanda and dog Emma Spex SlipperyDick C5 Sue5 GBH Cheating ShutupWally 2Bob Puddleduck Motox Ms. Whiplash Wetnurse SlowSucker Zebedee Florence Dumper Cloggs Kevin Lonely and dog beaver

Mother’s Day

Our Mother’s Day flowers picture today is slightly more naff than the one I had intended to insert. This is because my b***ard clips disk in the s**ding pc refuses to produce most of the f***ing pictures I asked for. Understandably, I am a tad miffed at this curmudgeonly aspect of my electronic friend and have had to speak rather crossly to Percy pc. Despite the gentle Mother’s Day theme I sincerely hope that what I threatened to do with his motherboard has chastened the little fellow enough to behave next time I write the Gobsheet.

Compared to the mouse-sized band of brethren that turned out last week this Hash was rather more elephantine, with a goodly number of people warming themselves in the pleasant sunshine. Nary a whiff of winter embrocation wrinkled our nostrils for ‘tis Spring! Hurrah! Even Spot almost rolled up the legs of his track bottoms and Hares Cerberus and Premature were in full summer kit. i.e. shorts and T shirt (one set each that is; they couldn’t both get into one – though it might be fun watching them try it).

It was night to see Wetnurse after a long absence Hashing and working in foreign parts and he very kindly gave me a minute-by-minute report of what he had been up to in the last three or so months. Ms. Whiplash arrived looking very natty and announced that she wouldn’t be staying – Mother’s Day and all that. ShutupWally arrived and announced that he would be staying. How pleased we all were.

The On Out was characterised by a general Hash lethargy with only people like Iceman and possibly Spot running down the hill. The rest of us watched smirkingly until they shouted “On On”, making complete fools out of us all. SlowSucker and I strained to catch up with Motox as he hurtled across a field like a booze missile seeking out a pub. However, we soon got to a check and that rather knackered him as he chose the wrong trail. So did SlowSucker, which left me the other, less attractive option… which turned out to be right! The trail led over warm fields and down cinder tracks. All the way to a bar-5. Not wishing to spoil anyone’s fun I hid in the bushes to let let SlowSucker, Honeymonster and BGB catch up. The latter airily rubbed out the ‘5’, complaining sniffily, “I don’t agree with these.” We watched in awe at this display of grandeur by a Hash grandee. Whatever, he still had to go back five blobs. It all went stunningly well until we topped out from a steep run through some dry forest on to a minor road – and nobody could find the right way from the check. The pack duly gathered and the delay allowed latecomers (surely not) Zeb and Florence to catch up. Florence was particularly impressed by trotting casually to and fro with Lemming and myself. “This is what Hashing’s all about.” She beamed. It turned out that the Hares had craftily gone down a too obvious track which we had all ignored. Clever them! A bit of a loop round saw us on familiar ground and heading up towards a regroup at the top of a forested hill where we have been a number of times before. And very nice it is there too. We tarried awhile, Spex nipping off behind a tree for a swift comfort break, before splitting off on the Long and Short. The sad bit was that ShutupWally had been giving us all aural grief about not calling so we sent him off to scout what we thought was the wrong way, only to hear him calling the On smugly. Luckily, he totally missed the crafty right-turn at the check half way down the hill and we all caught up. Everyone went wrong here since the trail went down a footpath next to a closed off footpath. Premature stood by it, enjoying every wry grin and muttered curse. Well he might – nice one, Hares. Spex and I nipped down the steep, earthy hill while Spot took a photo. Sadly, he was fifteen seconds too early to catch Spex in an attempted full ‘Baldrick’, embarrassment factor 9.

Now the usual idea of the Hash is to keep the pack together. The trail from here split the main pack into about four or five smaller ones and kept them together! There were checks and backchecks, two and three way checks. The Hares had gone bonkers! I eventually found I had run with three different packs as well as on my own and with just two other people. Still, it was a lovely morning, the forest crackled underfoot and the birds were singing. We were happy. I managed to slip the wily attention of Cheating and run uphill to an ‘F’ made up of twigs where there had been no check. Hmm. Curious. I thought I’d run left and uphill and got two hundred yards away when Baldrick and Iceman reached the spot and started waving me back. But I was on flour so ignored the fools. Then realised I was going back up a hill we had recently come down and sheepishly trailed back. Only to meet Premature and a small pack and get waved back uphill again! Crikey, it was confusing and God knows what happened to Baldrick et al. I ended up hurtling through forest with SlipperyDick and TinOpener amongst others until I foolishly took the uphill route from a three-way check and lost the lot. I did find a check right at the top of the hill, along with a bloke walking his two corgis. We chatted briefly as I skittered all the way down the other side. The we chatted again as I returned somewhat more slowly from the False at the bottom. Luckily, Lonely and Cloggs appeared and we managed to find some other flour that eventually led us to the road to the pub. Curious thing was, as we got there we found some of the Hash had been back twenty minutes, some ten minutes, some came in from the left, the right etc. etc. At least we all got back safe and sound, having enjoyed a rather excellent Hash. Our thanks to Cerberus and Premature for their efforts. At least it was shorter than their last one… just.
On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Motox presented the following :-

She showed us the way to do it. Not a drop spilt.

Up and Coming

Runs are now on Monday so don’t be a plonker and turn up on Sunday!

Announcement

GBH asked me to advise you all that tickets for the InterHash are now £115 and the price will rise as we approach the event. Get yours now!