Longs

Hashgate, Baldrick, , C5, , Matt, Honey Monster, Jenny, Penis

Nonstick, , XX, , Tinopener, Iceman, , Chopsticks Spotless, Foggy, Nippon Tuck, Hitchiker, Cheating

Shorts

Bev, Old Fart Wally , Cloggs,TT3, Whitefang, Lonely and Beaver, Call Girl, Shag in a Jag

Tarmac Trek round Wokingham

Arriving at the hash, I noticed that Spotless and Hitchiker were there early – obviously canvassing(is it camping? – Ed) for next week when it is in Tim Buck2(anything to do with the TTs? – Ed).

As the trail today was the same one that XX invented 10 years ago, old hands knew it would go out the back of the par cark.

However. youngsters like Baldrick, Lonely, Beaver, Foggie, Old Fart fell for the false down the road and were soon humphing back.

There was only one hare today(XX & Morribaby have fallen out –like their hair – Ed) and Dutch Cap/Claire had decided not to hash but meet their friend Hitchiker for a walk in the woods!

Therefore I had to sweep up(don’t give up the day job – don’t mock it is my day job.

As we filed through the Wokingham housing estates , I introduced Whitefang to Cheating and warned her of his predilection with hyping things up(how long, how many, how often etc).

She took my advice and kept close to me throughout the run.

Sun had replaced the torrent from last week and the FRBs led by Iceman, Baldrick were soon hurdling over a style(or even stile – Ed) followed by a still fluey Foggie.

They suffered the wrath of Morribaby calling ON BACK as apparently they might pick up the IN trail(I thought the hare(s) were supposed to mark it to stop this happening? – Ed and hence into the first part of the woods.

Jenny – long term friend of TT3(who is more interested in other people’s business than her own) claimed Lonely couldn’t get his legover but J’accuse became the accused when we found it wasn’t him(thank goodness said Beaver) but the evil Old Fart – she then said he had also wet himself(slack bladder of the Hash?!).

Off the tarmac and into the woods, the trail was so well set that we lost the whole pack for 10 minutes before laggardly Morribaby caught up and called ON BACK.(this was going to be a regular occurrence – oh he cried I should have listened to Wally and gone to his Hare School(no politics – it’s only for wigs – Ed).

Next check had Penis and Honey off for a recce. Hashgate was now at the back with C5.

As they disappeared I was left with XX who had to ask the virtual hares which way it went. They didn’t know and were not happy that a decrepit stranger had approached them in the woods when they were out for a walk with their friend Hitchiker. That was the last we saw of them!

With no calling (even from Call Girl) who was loudly regaling her sis of her conquests on the hockey field.

The next check was not kicked out and I was getting lost.

Spotless decided to be brave and check out only to find no false down that route – breaks rule 9a! but there was one down Hashgates’ although he was non-committal.

Call Girl was now showing the “boys” up by leading the field whereas the linguist Nippon Tuck was fairy caking at the back.

Into some open terrain with reasonable shiggy and Cloggs was climbing the hill upto the pylons followed by of course Non Stick – no Penis had come between them!

Cheating had tried to cheat and failed and was still at the back.

Chopsticks had found a chainsaw and was making chopsticks – geddit!

Honey was on manic form directing proceedings today(beware next week) and XX/Matt were holding up his rear(isn’t there a law against this? – Ed – no was legalised by the Elton John act).

XX was complaining to Morribaby about the poor trail!

Hitting a blind bend on the road, I noted that there was no flour in the shape of C = cars – danger. When the new FSA regs apply Morribaby could be struck off as an actuary actually.

Over the road and the pack was reversed with White Fang leading from Baldrick, Iceman, Tinopener and Non Stick(who was walking – should he be Walking Stick?

No sooner had we left the dangerous tarmac for a short loop into some woods then we were back ON ON it again(Baldrick please tell me this was not one of your cunning plans - I thought you had local knowledge.

On a sudden the roar of motorbikes rent the air. Minimotorx bikes were using our hashing territory for their ecology bashing hobby.

However MotorX went over to one of the young lads and spoke to him(was it 6 years ago he laid the trail here and we all thought he had got out of that paternity suit(it wouldn’t fit him these days – Ed).

More road and no flour or warning of cars and Beaver nearly got squashed. Lonely had another Labrador( he used to live in Canada? – Ed) before and lost him which was unfortunate but to lose 2 would be downright careless!

From HP to HP as we neared stables and kept encountering White Horses(I thought that was last week? – no the clocks have gone back) being walked !!!!

Passing near the golf course I recruited a fellow runner until we finally pounded down down the road by Barkham Manor and Baldrick and Old fart said we’ve had enough of this and headed pubwards leaving the ever sycophantic Hashgate to his own devices( vibrators along with mobile phones should be banned on the hash.)

The remaining pack’s IQ equalled sheep as they also followed the huge loop to nowhere before returning to the hostelry suitably chastened(even C5 was complaining and he is a nice chap!).

Bev and Matt who live nearby commented that there are much better routes in those woods – so proof positive that you can really tell a duff trail from a rough tale!

Harry potter was there to greet us with junior Jacob and Gillian.

Down Downs

Spotless was head of the God squad today and said his trail next week would be 19 miles!!!

Receding Hareline

1360 14^th Dec 634684 Sulhampstead Village - Wear Xmas gear for lunch TTs

1361 21^st Dec 644792 Sun, Whitchurch Hill Foggy, Chopsticks

Track success for 'trolley wally'
.

Wally's trolley stunt raised £500 for charity

An eccentric engineer tagged the "wally in trolley" has successfully raced his wacky machine in the Bracknell Forest in Berkshire