*When I’m Sixty Four (Count ‘Em!)

Phil Becky Greg Twanky Swallow Slowsucker Donut Hashgate Whinge TC Marei (Now known as Skinny Dipper) Rainbow Warrior Flash NipponTuck Chopstix Shandyman Foghorn Butterfly Dribbler Pissquick Glittertits Vertigo Spex LoudonTasteless Tinopener Lilo and dog Emma Rampant Rabbit Dunny Hitchhiker Iceman Cap’n Haystax Fiddler Itsyor Shitshoveller Penny Pitstop Baldrick JWax Cerberus Florence Zebedee Caboose Mrs Blobby Utopia Messenger Boy Posh Bomber C5 Slippery Dumper Septic Slackbladder Little Stiffy Ms Whiplash Salome OldFart Nappyrash Helen (now known as DunNuthin) BGB Nick Motox Paella Ben OldDog Bootsie PP (without Barney!) Poisoned Chalice

Lonely’s 60^th or The Reading ½ Marathon

Well you wouldn’t believe that our svelte, boyish Lonely with the distinguished and sweepingly-waved ‘platinum blonde’ hair is within a cat’s whisker of being sixty. We have to thank him for not only laying the Trail for us but opening his house next to the river afterwards and providing a fine barrel of West Berkshire Brewery beer along with a cornucopia of hot and cold food. I have to thank you personally, Lonely, for a Trail that was so incredibly fast and urban that it felt just like the Reading ½. Only problem is, of course, we were running so rapidly that there was almost no time to see amusing incidents, let alone gasp them breathlessly into my recorder. So if we go a little off piste occasionally in this Gobsheet, that’s the reason why.

A small number of Hashers went to The Three Guineas by Reading station, thinking this was the start, having failed to read the Run/Gob Sheet. They must have felt/looked complete prats. Personally, I rolled into the fullish car park and nearly offed Salome who wandered vacantly in front of my car, exhibiting all the intelligence and speed of a lobotomised sloth - though so much more attractive (think I got away with it…). Turning off the gentle warblings of young Eminem, I stepped out of the car and was immediately jumped on verbally by new girl Marei. Like most red-blooded males I am not averse to a good tongue-lashing by an excited lady but this was a tad unexpected. She thrust a piece of paper in my hand, bearing the CORRECT spelling of her name: Marei. Apparently, I had a) mistyped it in the list of Hashers last week and, b) forgotten she was the recipient of a Virgin’s Down Down. Hell hath no fury and all that. You see what us Scribes have to endure? One tiny mistake and it’s on with the manacles, ten strokes o’ the lash and plenty of salt to rub in later. However, I shall not have to worry about mis-spelling her name ever again since she was named Skinny Dipper at the Down Downs later. As I remarked to BGB later it will be interesting whether the sobriquet gets shortened to Skinny or Dipper.

Oh, yes! The Trail. A lung-bursting loop took us out and back round to the weir which we whizzed across, chasing down Spex who seemed to get faster as one neared her. We tottered along the towpath, Florence saving her fragile voice by bleating ‘On On’ rather than her usual full-blown yodel. She, Zebedee and C5 were running like coke-snorting deer despite speeding their way through that ½ marathon they ran on Saturday before the excellent Moonlight Hash at Wallingford. Let me mention briefly, Dipstick, who entirely lived up to his name on the day. Not only did he run the ½ marathon but he cycled all the way to Wallingford, laid the Trail on his own, then ran round with the Pack! Fair play and well done to the lad and all that but one sandwich short of a plateful? I think so. We pelted across the park in the wake of Ms Whiplash who managed to get away with running in front of RA, Glittertits. We ran rapidly up roads, whizzed through woodland, streamed along streets, huffed up hills, capered over Caversham Bridge and in next to no time we were in Lonely’s back yard, scoffing all his food and slurping all the drink where Chopstix, Slippery and Pissquick made it very clear that I would be toast unless I mentioned that tonight they had been front runners – for fifteen seconds or so.

So there you have it. A tornado of a Trail (yes, I think we’ve had enough alliteration too). Quite how Lonely got the time to organise the aprés Hash and lay the thing is a bit of a mystery.

Ooer. Page 2 and I’m all done. Well, maybe not quite. How about a list of gifts, personal qualities or advice some of the Hashers above could give Lonely as a 60^th birthday present? Here goes…

Many thanks and a very happy birthday Lonely, from all your friends in BH³! On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Glittertits presented the following :-

Excellent toping chaps

Up and Coming

* Yes, I know. Sixty six. I added Bootsie and Poisoned Chalice after I counted.