Run Number: 1330 (Joint with Guildford) Location: The Sun

Windsor Great Park

Date: 19 June 2003 Hare: Uptake

Harriets: Hey Babe, Hitchhiker, Slippery Nipples, Cerberus, Bum Wiper, Barbara (virgin)

Hashers: Premature, C5, Foghorn, Motox, Spot, Shut Up Wally, Honeymonster, Tin Opener, Iceman (late), Lonely (even later)

With apologies to anyone I’ve left out. Oh, there were loads of Guildford hashers, too.

Editorial by the Archbishop of Canterbury (also showing the birth of the first hasher).

We all know that God is good, God is wise and that God is a hasher. That is why HE (or SHE) looks after hashers. But how long can we expect his (her) protection if we turn away from the light and the guidance?

If we mere mortals reject him (her), he (she) will turn against us and give his (her) divine love and protection to stamp collectors of, even worse, ramblers. Why did we reject him on the 19^th June? Surely a bit of rain couldn’t have put off dedicated people. The fact that the congregation had to gather at the eastern end of God’s greatest county couldn’t have deterred the faithful. A joint run with our neighbours from Guildford couldn’t have caused the rejection of him (her). Indeed, showing love and friendship to fellow hashers should be a huge incentive for the righteous.

So could it have been one of those seven deadly sins – sloth? I find it hard to believe that such dedicated hashers could fall into the devil’s trap and indulge in that horrible five-letter word. The cause of that day’s fall from grace will probably remain a mystery for ever, like the location of Wally’s brain, but I must hope and prey that the flock will see the error of its ways and return to the fold soon. Amen

The Great Park Hosts Hashers Hashing Happily – reports ace investigative journalist C5

At about 7.10pm, the omens were poor. The heavens opened and a few cold hashers were seen huddling miserably under the awning in front of the inaptly named Sun. However, as always, by the start of the run the skies were clear and the main event of the hashing week, a joint run between those giants of the hashing world, Berkshire and Guildford, started amongst scenes of relief and joy.

Although heavily outnumbered by Guildford, the quality of the Berkshire hashers shone through as they started up the road towards entry into the park through the Saville Gardens car park. There was Spot leading the way and Hitchhiker kindly shepherding the slower runners at the back and making sure no one was left behind. Into the park they went and although there were a lot of SCBs, the Berkshire hashers, encouraged by their great leader, Foghorn, followed the trail through low bushes and undergrowth to emerge triumphant further up the trail.

The hare then took the gallant hashers through some wet and soggy terrain, which tested their mettle and resolve. But they kept their nerve and soldiered through it. However, Bum Wiper cracked at one point, hysterically trying to push Wally into a ditch and sending her four-legged friend flying into it instead. But she recovered her composure and completed the course in fine form.

After the trial by sogginess and a hash photo by Spot at the Totem Pole, the trail led through the beautiful gardens, which were a joy to behold. Again, there was much shortcutting, with Baldrick to the fore. However, his motive - to prove to Guildford the agility of the average Berkshire brain - was highly commendable, so he is to be congratulated rather than lambasted (although lambasting is allowed if you wish to).

Onwards they went, through narrow trails and woods to emerge at the polo ground, ‘What’s that?’ asked Lonely. He obviously thought it was the new Wembley Stadium. Eventually the brave little soldiers came to the ‘On Inn’. The FRBs, however, followed the arrow only to return some minutes later. ‘Disaster, disaster’, some weaker souls cried, ‘how can we get back to sanctuary if the way is blocked?’ However, the crisis was resolved when the hare arrived and pointed out that the false was one that was used for the out trail, not the in trail. In the interests of objective and fair reporting, it has to be said that those panicking were, of course, from Guildford.

Uptake, the hare, had devised a clever strategy for compromising on the conventions. Guildford run to no false trails and flour is on. Berkshire, as you know, have four and on. So he put four blobs very close together and then nothing else for miles. This, quite naturally, caused some consternation and confusion but the razor sharp Berkshire hashers coped immensely well. They are to be congratulated.

Down Downs

Motox, the highly rated Berkshire RA, took charge of proceedings and commenced with a boat race between six of Berkshire and Guildford’s finest. In spite of having far fewer contestants to choose from, Berkshire triumphed by a huge margin, proving once again that they are the outstanding all-round hashing outfit in the country.

Barbara, the virgin, downed a glass of water in record time (she’s since promised to take up drinking beer) and Baldrick was given a down-down for leading the short cutters through the gardens.

Your intrepid reporter intervened by giving the hare a down down for insulting Berkshire and then he had another one for laying a fine trail through some lovely terrain.

Receding Hareline