Woodcote Wanderers

HitchHiker Hashgate Ladybird FarCanal Cap’n Haystax Iceman James Dwight Steve Judy Linda Lou Simon Emma Foghorn Cerberus Premature and dog Molly Ernie Debbie WrongCircle Glittertits PissQuick Foghorn Chopstix Twanky Christian HeyBabe TinOpener Miranda and dog Emma Kathy Ruth Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Uplift TT2 Potty Nutcracker Gwen Baldrick Nick Florence Zebedee OldFart Posh Bomber Itsyor Fiddler SlowSucker Anorak TrainSpotter Muff Cloggs Lonely and dog Beaver BGB Dorthe HeadBoy - Commiserations to Honeymonster who should have been Hare too. He has done his back in. Get well soon

Confused? We Were.

I’m a bit concerned about some of the ‘lady’ members of The Committee. It looks like they’ve been overdoing it on the HRT. Firstly, Spex (Secretary, Exceedingly Good Cook and one of our Hares for this evening) announced smugly to the assembled hoi poloi that she had spent “…four hours in the forest yesterday with Spot; two of them laying the trail.” The activities in the second two hours were deliciously hinted at but never divulged. However, since Spot was still out ‘freshening up the trail’ (i.e. laying the bits they didn’t quite get round to yesterday) we all added two and two and came up with five. Then added another two when we met Spot at the Regroup looking exceedingly drained. Finally adding some more later in the woods when Spex hadn’t a clue where she was, even with the help of a carefully drawn map and the gentlemanly assistance of Committee member Baldrick (Hash Tick and Scottish Liaison Officer). The other lady is Florence (Member Without Portfolio and General Dogsbody) who, whilst sitting provocatively astride a stile, asked me breathlessly if I wanted to get my leg over! Ordinarily, I would have spared her the 30 seconds she craved; but being near the front of the pack and a Committee member myself (Scribe and Senior Councillor For The Cool) I felt it my duty to decline her kind invitation. Perhaps a few cold showers and a spot of St. John’s Wort might calm ‘em down.

As well as Ladybird (again!) and FarCanal from Oxford we welcomed Debbie(who is in the club – I don’t mean running…) and Ernie(who isn’t) from Nassau. I suggest a look at their home website http://www.nassauhash.com for some pictures of what their Hash get up to. New girl Kathy also turned up and gave us something to cheer about with her Down Down!

After a rousing speech that must have lasted all of ten minutes, Spex pointed us on our way and we skipped eagerly down the road, little realising quite how far we would be running tonight. SlowSucker and TT2 turned right and accidentally found the trail so we all beasted off after them and came to a confused halt in some woodland. Despite Spot’s ‘freshening’ no-one could find the damn trail until (I think) Florence and Linda called the On. We found Linda half-way over a stile, having been over and back on the thing at least twice because she couldn’t make up her mind whether she was right. God help any bloke she’s with who accompanies her to buy clothes! After we mucked about a bit at the next road check Linda again chose correctly and we chased after her fleeting form across a fine field of pasture, interviewing her from behind as it were. She was generally quite pleased to be an FRB, though a little worried about getting it wrong. She likes Justin Timberlake, enjoys wearing lycra, listening to Mozart and lists crocheting and light bondage amongst her hobbies. We left the poor girl gasping at the end of the field – she couldn’t take the pressure. However, she did later get to the front again, only to wander after a bunch of cows! As Lou said, nobody is going to put flour blobs on them… or would they?

There was a lot of confusion generally because the heavy rain had washed a lot of the flour away. Itsyor and I found ourselves up a small road finally figuring out that the ‘=’ sign was an ‘F’ without the vertical bit! Spot had very kindly ‘freshened up’ the Hash to the Regroup but from there it was every man, woman and in-betweeny for themselves. Dorthe appeared from somewhere at the Regroup while we stood about in the middle of the road, like a bunch of clucking hens, trying to get run over. “Over the road. To the right.” Called Spot. Our odyssey had begun.

We managed to bog it up fairly soon, with Zebedee curling off up a False one way, SlowSucker and Itsyor peeling off up their own and myself following a couple of trails with no (apparent) flour at all. Still, the pack kept together while sloshing through some reasonable shiggy and we caught up with the likes of HitchHiker, Christian, Gwen, Nutcracker et al who were being shepherded by Spex. We charged onward, the bit between our teeth, a glint in our eye, shoulder to the wheel etc. It all came to a grinding halt as we burst out next to a road, totally flourless. And then we all charged back, meeting old friends on the way who casually abused us for leading them the wrong way. This was where we found ourselves totally lost since the Hares had done a sneaky back-check and forgotten where it went. It fell to the vastly experienced Motox to find a few blobs while James, Ladybird, Zebedee, Dwight and others cast about aimlessly. Then we lost it again. There was quite a lot of this and Premature, Fiddler and Cerberus seemed to be leading quite a lot of the way. Somehow, walking wounded Mr Blobby popped up from nowhere and followed Zeb and me up a False trail for a bit. BGB now committed a sin for which he will be surely roasted in Hash hell for eternity, slowly revolving on a spit turned by Spot, basted with hot fat by Spex, an apple in his mouth and surrounded by some nice roast potatoes and bubbling cauldrons of sprouts and cabbage. He surely deserves it. The cad found Spot’s emergency bag of flour and put in a bar-check where none should have been. This might well have been the start of the chaos that saw most of the Hash safely ensconced in the pub while the rest of us poor b***ards thundered o’er hill and dale for another mile or more! Iceman, Fiddler, KnackerCatcher, and myself even followed the racing Spot for a bit! Eventually, Judy, Zeb, Cerberus and the rest of our exhausted band were greeted by a shirtless (and dogless) Premature coming to meet us. Only the sad TT2 and Dorthe had enough energy to race the last two metres to the pub.

A flipping long one tonight. Even KnackerCatcher commented on its marathon distance. However, lots of wood and some shiggy and plenty of company. I vote it a Hit (bell) rather than a Miss (klaxon).
On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Motox presented the following :-

Up and Coming

Announcement

Congratulations to Gusset on her marriage. BH³ wishes the happy couple all the best for the future.