Run Number:

1349 28/09/03

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Carpenter’s Arms, Burghclere


Centaur and Dwight

The Athletes

Cheating Lemming Mother Dribbler Butterfly Paddy Iceman Tinopener Miranda Emma .BGB Wally Chris Motox Ponyexpress Blowjob Gordon Heybabe Poppypenis Dutchcap Itsyor Fiddler Zebedee Florence Whinge TC Lonely Beaver and much later Whiplash and Hitchhiker

The Burghclere fun run

What a treat those Mortimer fun runners missed! This rival event run on Hampshire soil tempted athletes from as far and wide as Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire, Hampshire, Berkshire and even the USA. Unfortunately, on the day those athletes couldn’t make it so we had to make do with Blowjob, Lemming, Dribbler, Whinge and Poppypenis but what fun we had!

Having arrived late (surprised?) the only runners Zebedee had seen by 11:15 were 3 frisky Shetland ponies. Encumbered by his extra equipment (sadly only a Dictaphone) he took some time to catch up and even then was constantly fiddling with it! Fiddling about was what everyone was doing at the check when he caught the pack. They loafed around in the autumn sunshine waiting for latecomers Whinge, TC, Lonely and Beaver to join in and check it out. Motox found flour and steamed ahead but the pack were reluctant to follow as there were cries of “On” from at least one other direction. Young Fiddler and his FRB mates Iceman, BGB and Itsyor hurtled off down a false never to return – more of this later.

After their disappearance the hash took on a more relaxed air with such unlikely people as Whinge, TC, Dribbler and Motox checking and front-running. At one check Lemming remarked that we had plenty of time to put the kettle on and make tea as it was Motox who was checking it out. As we puffed down along straight tree-lined avenue Dribbler told us it was an old railway line and regaled us with all sorts of facts and figures before he ran out of steam. We reached an arrow marked “S” on the road and scurried about trying to find where the ‘ell the “L” might be. “You all missed it – it’s back over the field” said the hare gleefully.

Wally had been remarkably quiet up ‘til now … or maybe I had been out of earshot. He was crowing that Centaur and Dwight know what they’re doing because they’ve attended his “hair-raising” course and, surprisingly for Newbury AC Members, had passed with flying colours. Praise indeed! Wally calls Dwight “Son of Ram” (remember him?) hence the picture above.
We finally arrived back at the pub to see Fiddler and his cronies relaxed and changed with not a drop of sweat on their guilty brows. Here’s what those short-cutters said:
Fiddler “I missed nothing” (meaning “I know nothing just like my Dad”)
BGB “I went all the way on flour” (maybe Diane should be told)
Iceman “I spent the longest time EVER running on my own” (personal hygiene problems?)

BGB also said that about half-way round HIS trail he came out onto a road and spotted 2 ladies in a sports car who were hopelessly lost. The ladies in question were Whiplash and Hitchhiker. Hitchhiker had swapped her “Dorothy” ruby slippers of Friday evening for a pair of rather fetching kinky boots. (No doubt at this point our old scribe Hashgate would go into raptures as Hitchhiker fuelled his fetish involving goose-stepping, blond frauleins in miniskirts with only swastikas covering their naughty bits only then to realise that he’s looking in the mirror). Anyway the new hash haberdashery is bound to be very exciting and I can’t wait ‘til Valentine’s Day next year to wear it……….Thank goodness for “The Wizard of Oz” which allowed us Tough Guys (i.e. Summer Nettle-Warriors not you weedy good-for-nothing-but-shivering winter wimps) to explore our fancy dress wardrobes!!!.
Returning to Miss W (the Wicked Witch of the East….) – apparently her “walking” days are over. She now realises she can “run” with the rest of the pack while actually going slower than her previous walking pace!!
In the pub Ponyexpress and Gordon appeared to be listening attentively to Poppypenis’s description of mystery hashes and other trail-laying techniques but I think they were secretly pondering the origins of his unusual name but were too polite to ask.

Births, deaths and marriages

Congratulations to Lemming – he is now Grandfather to a bouncing baby boy who’s got more hair than he has. Now the question is should Mother’s name be changed???
Whinge and TC are engaged ………………Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
and finally
“Ding dong the witch is dead, which old witch, the wicked witch, Ding, dong the wicked witch is dead”
as those of you who went to see the Wizard of Oz last Friday will testify.

On,On Zebedee (sexed up by Florence – the sheet that is, not Zeb!)

RA Motox presented the following Down Downs while dodging the traffic



Style points


Getting lost on the A34

Superb like the veteran and fine athlete that he is


Leading the FRBs astray.

Needs practice – a spell at university should sort him out.


Being silly by not believing the RA’s “On-on” calls. Given “silly” down-down concoction of lemonade, beer, coke and vivid green melon liqueur

Fast with no spillage – he is indeed mad to drink such a mixture!

Mother & Lemming, TC & Whinge, Blowjob & Gordon

Returnees “welcome back” race

Winners were the Oxford hashers by a short straw. Surprisingly Gordon’s sucking technique proved to be much better than Blowjob’s!!!!

Centaur and Dwight

The hares
Centaur did especially well considering he has just had the chop (actually a hernia op). Max reckons that baldness is a side effect.

Centaur by a snip

Receding Hare-line

Run Number


Grid Reference






The Four Horseshoes, Checkendon

Hashgate & Motormouth




Joint with Surrey, Guildford, NH4 & more at Chobham common 3 beer stops on the run & French style pique-nique at the end NB Pay BGB or Zebedee £3 in advance or £3-50 on the day
On2 Four Horseshoes GR970630

Cheating but don’t worry there’s a host of other hares

FULL MOON HASH -- Friday 10th October 7:30 p.m. at Miss Whiplash’s – see her for details
AUTUMN COUNTRY WALK -- Saturday 25th October at 3pm at The Calleva Arms, Silchester.  6/7 mile walk finishing at the pub. Park near The Calleva Arms – not in the pub car park.
See Motox for more details.