Run Number:

1357 23/11/03

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White Horse, Wokingham


Piss Quick, Glittertits, Baglady nee Chopsticks


Hashgate, Baldrick, Dutchcap, Claire, Old Fart, C%, Dumper, Slowsucker, Matt, Honey Monster

Wally, Cloggs, Nonstick, Max, Angie, Paddy, XX, Cerberus, Tinopener Morribaby Tenbob


TT3, Septic(after the run in Iris and the Tecnicolour Dreamcoat(as worn by royalty)


Retribution Run – well you did have a perfect summer

Hush that brat it’s pouring with rain or brush that hat it’s roaring with pain

Despite the eloquent Mr Spooner the name on everyone’s lips was Hey Johnny Johnny, Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny Wilkinson.

Expecting a pour (geddit – Ed) turnout because of the rain, I struggled out of a warm bed to check quality – no other blighter does and it is a thankless task.

With the Glitteratti looking very wet and cold, Honey huddled under a jolly brolly and C5 taking centre stage for the Fluey Foghorn, he addressed the selected bravehearts as they accepted the mission to prove skin is waterproof.

At the first check on the tarmac saw Baldrick’s cunning plan of standing around and doing nothing (bit like the Scots and the Kiwis!!!) succeed as the route followed the normal way.

The Bag Lady using skills learnt on Harelines for Guides(now operating most Saturdays) acted as Checking Chicken and followed the awash hashers with directional flour arrows. Having been banned by the Steak King from laying the trail she had to mark it in déjà vu mode.

Cerebrus was walking as her coach wasn’t here and Dumper and C5 partnered up and went checking.

Soon the FRBs were lost and Slowsucker, Matt and Non stick were called ON BACK from their lost trail.

On past a pond(lucky Lemming wasn’t here) and through a nature reserve.

The normal curious hashers were too tired, wet or drunk from celebrating our great victory to appreciate this.

By now the game of pairs was happening in Ernest(new hasher never buys a round) with Hashgate/S/Sucker and Cerebrus/Cloggs.

Ten Bob was caught not checking and Glitter Tits ended up leading the pack.

On over a railway bridge with my usual trick of calling ON one for nothing tempting Muff Diver with me.

Alas! poor quality because although it ended up a sneaky back check, there were no blobs or false on this option.

AND the big puddle did nothing for my feet or my humour!

Max was also complaining that he aka Max should be told the short cut to save him checking!! He is becoming a real sheep – how have the mighty fallen and the weapons of war perished.

C5(now voted in 5th place by other hashers) was now trotting behind Baldrick, Cerberus and Muff Diver.

Dumper looked Dumped, and TT3 was also solo this week as the genuine TTs were celebrating alone.

Through a field to a 2 way check where Bag Lady had got to it indicating it was through the stables – plenty of muck spreading going on and I could tell you some stories about Hashgate and how he used to get up to lots of prurient things at The White House?!(should that be Horse? – Ed) – no unless you know something I don’t – yes loads.

Baldrick is now going slow, C5 is walking with Cloggs and the FRBs have left Glittertits way behind – it’s that Atkinson diet.

Next check also left Tinopener and Max doing the Lambeth walk and at that rate they won’t meet Ken until Monday morning.

Pissquick had taken the nominated walkers i.e. Angie down a parallel path and I was left to sweep up the remaining pack.

Then we met some 4 wheel drivers to whom I explained hashing. They seemed interested but never came to the pub afterwards to buy me a drink – wonder why – answers on a PC…..

Into the woods again and the FRBs namely Matt, Nonstick, Cloggs, XX, Ten Bob, Honey, Baldrick tore off in the wrong direction led by Slowsucker.

Glittertits pointed to white stuff on the trees in the opposite direction and the sensible stalwarts followed.

The cabaret in the form of TT3 and Cloggs commenced.

Cloggs has already turned one frog into a handsome prince aka Nonstick, she now gave TT3 the chance.

Approachinbg from the rear, TT3 bucked and Cloggs did a forward double pike with 2 tucks and ended up in a compromising position.

ON ON through leg breaking branches strewn across the forest floor which were giving us a spot of flagellation but were soon replaced by a route march down an open path

So back onto dangerous tarmac rather than running over some nice private fields(I know the owners)

Nonstick regaled me with the story of him, his car and a telegraph pole – not sure if Cloggs is

  1. Aware of this

  2. Was/would like to be involved

A hashing pub The Crooked Billet hove(we had run nearly to Brighton) into view and I knew where we were heading.

Tinopener gallantly headed down the loop and I followed the hares to the ford.

The trap was set and Slowsucker and Matt were the first to enjoy the balmy(should that be barmy – Ed) waters.

Even Morribaby and Old Fart baptised their leggings whereas TO of previous good character refused to frollick in the drink(he preferred the Brakespears on offer at the last pub!}

More cabaret from TT3 as she tumbled trying to find another frog to kiss!

I am pleased to report that Matt won the hash today, Cerebrus walked bringing her PB down to 2 hours 20 mins and TT3 cheated.

The hares must be congratulated for laying in such Lemming conditions and the organisation has improved since Burnham Beeches.

However with no bar checks and falsies down certain paths, I am again arranging Hare Raising Clinics.

These set high standards and therefore if you want to attend an STD clinic numbers are limited but Saturday 6th and 13th December still have a few places.

Hashgate and I met at an STD clinic and his life has never been the same since!

At the White Horse greeted by new mine hosts Beverley and Geoff from Wokingham Football Club who are now running it.

Down Downs

 C5 was back in his element(Foggie beware)




Dutch Cap, Claire

Chickening out of run and using the donuts to avoid punishment – the sycophants

No topping like their efforts today

Cloggs, TT3

Leapfrog classes

Repeat performance but Cloggs is better on carpet


Aversion to water

Adams ale went down down

Glittertits, Piss Quick



Fine topping – GT put his wig back on afterwards