Berkshire Hash House Harriers

Run Number:

1380 3/5/2004

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Ten Bob

Receding Hareline

1384 The Elvetham, Hartney Wintney

Early start at 7pm as Bank Holiday and sun and food organised – flyer next week

Old Hands

Pissquick, Glittertits, BaIdrick, Iceman, Morribaby, Honey Monster, Miss Whiplash, C5, Sue4, Wally(damaged), Spex, Bob, Old Fart, Hash Gate, Max, Angie, Cerberus, Premature, XX, Dazz, Iris, Cheating, Florence, Mr & Mrs Blobby, Joyce, Slowsucker, Bomber, Cloggs, Itsyor

New Feet

Harry Potter, Dutch Cap, Claire, Motormouth, Tom, Pete(brandless), Robert(NIKE), Pete(ABBA), Slackbladder, Crapper

Matt, Posh, Lou, Linda, Simon, Jackie, Rob, Chris, Millie(in spirit), Non Stick(sic), Hitchiker, Tremblers

bed and breakfast homestay

30 Marshall Road • RD1

Alexandra • New Zealand

Tarmac in The Forest(ers) – Watch this Space?

PINK Diamante PARIS HILTON,Britney,POSH Heart Watch HOT


Great excitement was in the air as we saw the Mortimer daily attire being paraded by Messrs C5 , Sue4, Dazz(this is not normally permitted outside the parish boundaries).

Slowsucker tried to take out the Groom’s car and obviously her only excuse is that she just had the sex change op!

2 virgins appeared Robert and Pete but then I found they had tried it once last year didn’t like it and so had come bacjk again today to prove the maxim true – and they did!

The main event centred on dressing Bomber and Posh in PQ’s lace curtains whilst Dumper, C5 and Florence impersonated the betrothed’s relations!

Anyway after confettibrations with a nay and a hay and barrel of Bombadier and a few posies + all the posers we soon were off on the first of Reading Roadrunners summer tarmac pummellings.

Despite my promising to not charge for attendance at one of my clinics the hare and leveret insisted on setting the trail on a Motorcross motorbike – alright for that but not good for the feet.

Also Cars were everywhere and as we headed out over Bracknell’s worst black spot(less), there was not even the sign for the normal heinous P for Petrol.

Although I marshalled everyone to safety, even I couldn’t prevent Operation Barbed Wire ensnaring naïve hashers. The bouquet should have been left in the car park.

Cheating checked out one way – don’t follow him but it was too late they did – wrong as usual and even the International acclaimed Baldrick also went off on an obvious dead end.

Bringing up the rear were C5(WM), Florence(B), and Dumper(FOTB).

Cerberus was moaning about the bumpy trail but was actually threatened by the arrival of the Reading Roadrunners Lou, Linda and Simon.

Trembler was also spotted checking but he returned with nought to show except ” off the waist.

This was the first and last time we were to see the Abbabesque Pete(product of Freida and a Nazi officer) on his bike!? – I thought the bash was next Sunday – Foghorn please sort it.

Slackbladder and Crapper were plodding along and gadzooks the latter lived up to his name!!! Despite me offering the former a poobag, it was too small for the sample & S/B wasn’t going to use it anyway!!!

Doublecross was being helpful for once and Non Stick looked sick having been dragged out of bed by Clpggs!?

At least we were away from the road and in the woods where the forest rotting winter detritus had been replaced by a mantle of greenery – death was being followed by life I thought as young Motormouth and Tom ran past me!?

We then reached a concentration camp, as minds were focused on injuries from the accursed wire – we have ways of sorting out Reading Roadrunners – it was fortunate that some of us always carry first aid kits(see Hash Rule 101).

We pressed on and Max used Mr Blobby as a flour detector to locate one of very few blobs around.

Bomber was using his Bombadier as jungle drums for the back markers to follow the sparsely laid trail.

Max was also regaling us with stories of his new role in retirement of toastmaster. I don’t know why they pay him – he came round to my house for a practice and burnt it!

We then had to cross another road before reaching the woods proper.

Whilst the pack enjoyed a route march designed for square bashing or F1 racing I meandered through bluebell woods and gnome filled grottos with deer and even Reynard crossing my path – St Francis was my ancestor you know.

Lost but not forlorn I saw a solitary SCB namely Honey who tried to run off the other way. He must have recognised me and try as I may he went to ground and left me to wait for the tarmac tramplers.

Where were the hares and who was sweeping – Cinderella had gone to the ball!

Reports from the FRBs mentioned a Bermuda Triangle situation where they were all sucked up and dropped at Tescos Martin’s Heron(for you twitchers!). A sorry looking pack came looking for the hares who hid until C5 hung, drew and quartered then at THE

Down Downs

C5 who is not RA and should be recceing trails to stop a repeat of tonight’s fiasco officiated

GTITS and PQ presented a very yummy cake.




Ten Bob & Puddleduck

Posh and Bomber

For ensuring more people are booked on Wally’s hare raising clinics

Poorer - fizzy water for a poor relationship

Richer - champagne to make them rich?

None, like the run

Easy peasy even with straws

Glittertits/Cheating Not dressing up and trailblazing – Morribaby not happy

Slowsucker Driving worse than a woman


For being Simple suitably renamed

Lots of style and he ate the flour

Welcome to the World of


It is with great sadness that we have to announce the death of Angie and Max’s 13 year old stepson Paddy.

He had been coming to the hash for 5 years and everyone knew and loved him.

Angie is quite distraught but a dry eyed Max outlined his final minutes.

Max was sitting on his drive along mower preparing to cut the grass.

Paddy was lying on the lawn sunbathing.

Max put on his blindfold to stop the flies hitting his eyes(his not Paddy’s) and so alas drove straight over him.

As Max said “ A mistake anyone could have made”.

Paddy the Dog was one of the best-loved items in Glenbow's First World War exhibit. The little dog was born in Calgary but travelled all the way to England with a group of soldiers known as the 4th Field Ambulance. Paddy spent much of his time cheering up tired and wounded soldiers in the dugouts surrounding No Man's Land. He was a brave little soul, now immortalized iin a golden statue in the Maxwell’s back garden.