The Flock

Iceman, Spot, Fatbloke, Hitchhiker, Pissquick, C5, Motox, ShutupWally, BGB, Tinopener, Miranda and Emma, Baldrick, Simple Simon, Cloggs, Florence, Non-Stick, ,James, Old Fart, Flash, Twanky, Lu, Bob, Utopia, Babydoll, Mr and Mrs Blobby, Slack Bladder and dog Crapper, Foghorn, Cheating, Slowsucker, Dutchcap, Itsyor, Steve, Abby, Bomber, Posh, Linda Green, TT2, Salome, Miss Whiplash, Phil, Potty and Nutty, Specs, Uplift, Chopstix, Fiddler, Lonely and Beaver, Shitshoveller, Dwight, Centaur, Ness, Anne, Lee, Barry, Vernula, Emma, Max, Butterfly, Rob Roy, Bumblebee and children Millie and Chris, Clare

Lambs to the slaughter

I was ushered to my parking spot by Simon though I am hoping to introduce valet parking to the Hash next week (Well certainly for me!) Each run Simon gets smugger as his harem of Thatcham ladies increase in number (In his role of chief eunuch!) led by Linda Green and Lu. In these parts hashing is far safer than the streets of Thatcham…Nobody carries a harpoon or spear gun though I hear tell that several of the male hashers do have large weapons. This is Flash’s favourite chat up line as he sidles up to some unsuspecting lady runner (Dutchcap this week) “Do you want to see what’s in my cycle shorts?” Sadly it’s only a bell and a bicycle pump (and the bell doesn’t work!) This week newcomer Lee was attracting all the attention as she warmed up assiduously, clad in body hugging Lycra. Later attentive male members(?) surrounded her as she did her warm down unaware that Lonely, Iceman and C5 to name but a few were only seeking the source of her waterproof make-up! To the Hash where Hares Puppy and Boy Gorge sent us on our way down the lane next to the pub. Two stiles and a long hill spread the run out over 400 yards before we entered the woods and also threw up some unusual front runners,TT2 and Fatbloke amongst others had cleared the stiles early and were first to the trees. TT2, who smelt strongly of drink, faded early and spent the rest of the evening running with Shutupwally(You have to worry about his mental state- Has Florence been (ab)using him as a facsimile?) Into the woods with Baldrick muttering about missed opportunities as we kept to the trails and it was certainly easy to follow as Puppy the hare was in the lead! The usual FRBs, Centaur, Dwight, Bomber, Itsyor and Fiddler took turns now to check out the falses. So confident that he had checked out a false trail, Itsyor relieved himself in the bracken but as he could still be seen from the check, he received due punishment later! On left down the hill and across two wire fences the trail was lost in a rutted clearing until we were directed towards the setting sun and right into the forest. Again the order of running was completely reversed and walkers and short trailers were back with the pack. Cheating who had crossed a very obvious “False” for reasons best known to himself now appeared short-cutting across the forest bleating “Keep calling at the front”…… Like he always does! The style of the trail was now familiar – Quite a few checks with very short falses or two blobs then nothing, nevertheless it was keeping things reasonably together and giving Pete and one or two others a chance to check it out. Left and right through the wood with Dwight then Slowsucker at the front and across a road to the next check. The Hares fascination with using piles of ordure for their flour should be noted here! Centaur was supposed to have checked right over the hill but it took the Hares to nudge us back onto the route. As I passed Steve and new girl Abby yet again I pondered the futility of dashing around at the front and after another abortive search for flour at the next check I found myself at the back again! Boy Gorge standing by a tree and a large flour arrow proved a gift to the more observant as walkers and packed merged again and I passed the time of day with the urbane Max as I dashed pass to chase the Thatcham ladies who being on their home turf were well to the fore. Fiddler with impetuosity of youth had led a good part of the pack completely the wrong way and Baldrick and I found ourselves on the road and the short/long split.

Complaints about my short one (Newsletter that is!) led me to leave the recorder on permanently this week in the hope that I might catch something interesting but aside from an hour and a half of heavy breathing and even heavier footfalls, it was the usual load of old baloney apart from catching my first pratfall perfectly. You can here me hitting the ground, moaning a bit and Slackbladder giggling as he trips over me! Needless to say your scribe dusted himself down and chased after the pack as they disappeared through the ferns. There are some fine sights to be seen I have discovered running at the rear so to speak; a trim calf, a dainty ankle, a well muscled gluteus maximus…. Well that’s enough about Motox and C5. We arrived at a field where Lonely could be seen with Beaver in the distance (By the way for the Americans on the hash Beaver is a dog not a hobby) Lonely admitted that he queued for ages at the first stiles (He’s such a gentleman) and lost touch with the main hash so short cutted until he caught up. We passed a beautiful house in construction and back onto the road heading homeward (or so we thought) another twist and we were back in the woods passing Utopia and Mrs Blobby on a rope swing. They were Spotted (geddit!) and later punished for enjoying themselves. Cloggs now kindly stepped aside as Fiddler and I hammered down a hill for me to give the expression “Hitting the ground running” a whole new meaning as I tripped on a root and took off. The fall was made worse by the fact we were going the wrong way! We exited the trees and the FRBs were just visible in the distance with Spot clearly back on drugs pounding along with them. A stretch of road, left onto a winding path and we emerged at the back of the garage where many had parked to be met by Max and Butterfly who had already slipped into something more comfortable. Max and Baldrick were later overheard exchanging fashion tips in the pub garden. Yes chaps that’s my favourite colour of beige as well!

DOWN DOWNS

RA Spot presided over the following awards;

C5	Leading the Soccer hooligans back to the pub last week!	He doesn’t do the trail and we give him a pint???
TT2	Mad as a badger but had gone home. Wally stepped in	Spillage
ITSYOR	Publicly urinating!	I hope he hasn’t got a long drive home!
MAX	Mr. Smarty-pants	Very carefully
UTOPIA AND MRS BLOBBY	Old Swingers	Halves downed in fine style
GABBY	Steve’s latest “Virgin”	Not bad
PUPPYPENIS AND BOY GORGE	The Hares	Boy Gorge deep throated it!

ON ON TO

RUN NO.	DATE	GRID REF.	VENUE/PUB DETAILS	HARES
1390	12^th JULY	666841	THE BLACKHORSE, CHECKENDON	BGB
1391	19^th JULY	715738	THE THREE GUINEAS READING STATION Interhash preamble. Lots of odd people!	LONELY
1392	26^th JULY	438763	THE STAG, LECKHAMPSTEAD	DWIGHT AND CENTAUR