Run Number:1395 Visit the website - http://www.berkshirehash.co.uk

Website Email - iceman@berkshirehash.co.uk

Venue: The Three Horseshoes,Brimpton

Hares: C5 & Mr Blobby

Bruces and Sheilas

Spot, Motox, Tinopener, Florence, Old Fart, Foghorn, Slowsucker, Phil, Dunny, Uplift, Loud and Tasteless, Slackbladder and Crapper, Nutty, Potty, John, Twanky, Mrs Blobby, Dumper, Spex, Pissquick, Glittertits, Old Dog, Cloggs, Anorak 2(R2D2 version), Alistair, Baldrick, Non-Stick, Centaur, Flash, Honeymonster, Itsyor, Zebedee, TT2, Aqua, Lonely, Hamlet & Chad, BGB, Iceman, Doughnut, Dutchcap, Dribbler, Butterfly, John, Ben, Debra(V), Cerberus, Premature, Lee, Scarlet Pimpernel, Abby, Ness, Barry, Nick, Gabby, Chris, Bob, Robert, Pete, Utopia, Captain Y-Fronts, Ruth, Mudman, Mudquack, Salome, Miss Whiplash, Hitch-hiker.

Waltzing Matilda!

In the week that Eastern Suburb Community College in Sydney announced that it is offering lessons to new immigrants in Australian slang and in tribute to our Hares Mr. Blobby who recently went Down Under (Steady!) and C5 whose “Strine” as he demonstrated so recently is appalling, we have as our guest writer for this week, the sandgroper Roo Dog;

G’day, well the directions here were about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike as I didn’t have a map and as usual the boozer was at the back of Bourke! No worries, we’ve got farms bigger than this pissy little country. I rocked up about 7pm and parked the Ute on the long paddock and mingled. Strewth there were enough sheilas here for a B and S later! That bonzer bloke Foghorn called order and introduced the two hares who gave us the drum. By the state of them it was clear that the trail wasn’t going to as dry as a nun’s nasty. Ace!

We set off towards the local billabongs with that pommy bastard Old Fart leading the way. The mob milled around after a check or two as first Itsyor and then that ocker Premature went the wrong way. Hare Blobby was grinning like a shot fox and looked like he might come a gutser at the mayhem. We started round the second billabong and I followed Dunny(Funny name for a sheila!) to another false. Premature and Glittertits had already kicked it out and gone walkabout not to be seen till much later. They weren’t within cooee of finding the trail! I was beginning to think that the hares were a couple of mongrels but it was a piece of piss to catch up with everyone. We crossed a small bridge and holy dooley, people spread out all around a huge field! That dill Non–stick was disappearing over a bridge in the distance and it took that bludger Slowsucker to spot that Foggy was on track and to cut across the field only to go down the next false. What a dipstick! We could have been beyond the black stump for all I knew! In the distance Spot and Captain Y-fronts were cracking on (Apparently he only hashes to get away from the ankle-biters at home!) They were a long way ahead but as the bities were after me I thought I’d give it a burl to catch up. I stood Buckley’s and they led to the next check on the road. The trail now led up the hill back into Brimpton and I was stuffed by the time I caught up with Zebedee in the graveyard. I was tin arsed now as I checked out twice correctly to lead the pack. I was stoked especially as that rorting bastard BGB crossed a false in full view and was followed by Honeymonster amongst others. Are they not the full quid? Spot pointed out that it was a good thing that whacka Shutupwally, wasn’t here tonight or he would have a right whinge (I’ve heard of him – he organized Inter-Hash this year). In the distance C4 had parked her Ute across the trail – a beer stop! You little ripper! We stopped to have few tinnies and be entertained by Slackbladder’s bitzer, Crapper and that show pony Hamlet’s puppy Chad who appeared to be trying to have a naughty.

Hare C5 came the raw prawn and sent us on our way. After a long downhill stretch and one check we came to a bar. It stood out like a dog’s balls that we were intended to go through the river! Fair dinkum – Zebedee and I obliged but most didn’t. We now got lost in the woods as dusk gathered. The hares must have been as flat out as a lizard drinking as every trail and tree seemed to have flour on it.

Beaut! Slowsucker finally sussed out a long trail back through he woods to a bar and yet another trip into the trees. It was pretty dark now and in the gloom some dero loomed into sight. It was not a jolly swagman but some old sort called Flash though God knows how he got there! Once again we crossed the river and it was London to a brick that that a water fight would break out and it surely did. It was a footrace at the front as TT1 and I creamed the rest of the pack on the run back past the church. I was completely rooted!

Back at the pub I had a pommy shower and changed my strides. My mouth was a dry as a dead dingo’s donger and I was desperate for some amber liquid but I hadn’t got a brass razoo! One of the sheilas took pity on me and bought me a pint. As Florence collected the moolah, people were soon bogging in and the tucker looked grouse. I noticed Premature and his cook had slid off like a couple of pikers. I got chatting to a blonde called Dutchcap who complained that there were too many dags at work and you couldn’t find a decent bloke (No good coming hashing then!) Her mate Doughnut was definitely no dog either and that drongo Lonely was cracking onto her with a view to teeing up a meet by the look of it and a bit of pash (No chance of that at home!) He must have a kangaroo loose in the top paddock to think the girl wouldn’t tell him to rack off very quickly! Give the bloke a fair go!

I had a perve at the other sheilas as I’d heard that some of them were two pot screamers and a bit of pash would have been ridgy didge but most of them were Old Dog(s). People say you Poms are up yourself. Pig’s arse! I’ll say hooroo for now and I might lob in again sometime. Good onya!

DOWN DOWNS

RA Spot must have been as busy as a cat burying s**t at Inter-Hash writing these endless tales;

ON ON TO

AUSTRALIAN FOR BEGINNERS

Ace!: Amber Liquid: Beer
B & S: Batchelor & Spinsters Party held in rural areas
Back of Bourke: a very long way away
Bastard: term of endearment
Beaut: great
Billabong: watering hole
Bities: biting insects
Bitzer: mongrel
Black stump, beyond the: back of beyond
Bloke: man
Bludger: lazy person, layabout
Bog in: eat enthusiastically
Bonzer: great, ripper
Boozer: pub
Brass razoo, he hasn't got a: skint, poor
Buckley's: no chance
Cat burying shit, as busy as a: busy
Come a gutser: have an accident
Cooee, not within: a long way away, far off
Cook: one's wife
Crack on to (someone): pursue someone romantically
Cream: beat by a large margin
Dag: a funny person, nerd
Dead dingo's donger, as dry as a: dry
Dero: Tramp, Hobo
Dill: idiot
Dinkum, fair: true, real, genuine
Dipstick: loser, idiot
Dog's balls, stand out like a: obvious
Dog: unattractive woman
Donger: penis
Drongo: a dope, stupid person
Drum: information
Dunny: outside lavatory
Earbashing: nagging
ExcellentLob in: drop in to see someone
Fair go: a chance("give a bloke a fair go")
Flat out like a lizard drinking: busy
G'day: hello
Give it a burl: have a go
Gobful,give a: to abuse, usually justifiably
Good onya: good for you
Grinning like a shot fox: happy
Grouse: very good
Holy Dooley!: exclaimation
Hooroo: goodbye
Kangaroo loose in the top paddock: intellectually inadequate
London to a brick: absolute certainty
Long paddock: side of the road
Mate: buddy, friend
Matilda: swagman's bedding
Mob: group of people
Mongrel: despicable person
Moolah: money
Naughty, have a: have sex
No worries: no problem
Not the full quid: simpleton
Nun's nasty, as dry as a: dry
Ocker: an unsophisticated person
Pash: a long passionate kiss
Perve: look lustfully at the opposite sex
Piece of piss: easy
Pig's arse: I don't agree with you
Piker: anti-social person
Pommy shower: use deodorant only
Pommy: an Englishman
Rack off: push off! get lost!
Raw prawn, to come the: bullshitRidgy-didge: genuine, original
Ripper, you little: delight at good news
Rock up: to turn up, to arrive
Rooted: f****d
Rort: cheating, fiddling
Sandgroper: Western Australian
Sheila: woman
Show pony: show off
Skull: drink down in one
Stoked: very pleased
Strewth: mild oath
Strides: trousers
Strine: Australian
Stuffed: tired
Swagman: tramp, hobo
Tee up: to set up
Tinny: can of beer
Tucker: food
Up oneself: stuck up
Useful as an ashtray on a motorbike: unhelpful
Ute: Pick up truck
Walkabout, gone: get lost
Whacka: idiot, somebody who talks drivel
Whinge: complain