Run Number:1396 Visit the website - http://www.berkshirehash.co.uk

Website Email - iceman@berkshirehash.co.uk

Venue: South Fork, Burghfield

Hares: GT, PQ, Motox & Sue

Team BH3

Spot, Motox, Tinopener, Florence, Old Fart, Foghorn, Slowsucker, Uplift, Loud and Tasteless, Slackbladder and Crapper, Mr & Mrs Blobby, Fritz, William, Spex, Old Dog, Anorak 2(R2D2 version), Baldrick, Flash, Itsyor, Zebedee, TT2, Aqua, Lonely, BGB, Iceman, Doughnut, Dutchcap, Dribbler, Cerberus, Premature, Robert, Pete, Utopia, Salome, Miss Whiplash, Hitch-hiker, Chopstix, Posh, Bomber, Shutupwally, Miranda & Emma, Puppypenis, C5, C4, Cheating, Shitshoveller, Mr and Mrs Muffdiver, Ruth, Mark, Hashgate.

The Oarsome Foursome

I don’t believe that any of you watched the rowing without a tear in your eye. We are after all sportsmen and women! OK Hashing may be on the lunatic fringe of sport along with Bog snorkelling,

It was now down to our own coxless (!?) four to brief us for our own Olympic trial. We were warned to look out for wire but there was no mud and the run was about 45 minutes…… So the usual pack of lies! Premature shot off immediately and in the wrong direction (Cerberus didn’t look at all surprised). Iceman seized on this early mistake to take the footpath the other way out of the churchyard to lead the eager contestants on out. The footpath reached the edge of a field and branched left and right and though Slowsucker guessed right, it took the veteran Old Fart to find any flour. You could faintly see the name of his sponsor “Saga” stencilled on his T-shirt as he set the pace across the centre of the field. Iceman had faded as his regular Scottish diet of chips and Mars bar in batter took its toll on his poor clogged arteries. After this fast start our hares took pity on us as the flour now followed a convoluted route through the trees and the first of tonight’s nettles and shiggy. Amazingly BGB and Cheating were still with us and despite much confusion as we reached the road, it was in fact Cheating who spotted the trail to the right into the woods. It was too good to last as the prospect of running down a streambed proved too much for Cheating and he diverted into the undergrowth only to leave an ear on some brambles (Rough justice!) Lonely, Itsyor and Zebedee were now well to the fore as we chased to the next check at the top of an incline. Only the foolish were tempted down the hill to a long false (I’ll let you guess!) The pack paused briefly to watch them disappear into the distance and then continued straight on across a playing field and back into another wood. It was now single file through the trees until we reached the Hash equivalent of the triple jump… a hop over the nettles, a skip over the brambles and a jump over the stream! It was fascinating to compare the different approaches; Baldrick’s tentative tiptoeing, C5’s more ebullient style and so on. It was clear that a shorter person had laid this part of the trail as most of us were doubled up and I certainly failed to limbo dance successfully under one fallen tree much to Hashgate et al’s amusement. We now crossed a child’s slide placed over some wire and onto the road where the flour led left up the road. At the next check C5 using his local knowledge led us down the side of field as a flock of geese honked overhead but he and I soon got it wrong at the next check and trailed in nearly last to the re-group!

We set off with renewed vigour through a field of sweet corn discussing old films. For me this was akin to the “Field of Dreams” but Hashgate preferred “North by North West”. He clearly sees himself as Cary Grant! A bar sent us right into a wood and up a perilous slope and along a ravine. We were being kept together by the canny Motox who was happy to let the FRB’s dash hither and thither finding several falses down by the lake that we had come to, but was kinder to the sensible ones! Consequently after yet another section of nettles, brambles and mud I found myself a) bleeding profusely and b) behind Mr. Blobby as we emerged onto the road. The flour was well scattered here and only a helpful arrow showed us the way. Twins Pete and Robert being less easily led than some of us were keeping to the paths pretty well and allowed BGB and Bomber, amongst others, to continue along the road as the track diverted onto a footpath to the right and eventually across a ploughed field to a magnificent view of the Madejski stadium. Another ploughed field and we emerged into Burghfield village and the short cutters hove into view. First Loud and Tasteless striding out purposefully, then Baldrick running like a man who’d had a hard night on the McCallans, Chopstix, Utopia and Mrs. Blobby were taken as we turned on the last footpath that led back to the churchyard and home.

We now assembled in Pissquick and Glittertits garden for the post run BBQ and magnificent it was too. It was a balmy evening and a chance to catch up with all the gossip though I am sworn to secrecy about some of the stranger behaviour (Suffice it to say they involve “Glamour” shots!) I enquired of Lonely about his dog less state and apparently his ex has visiting rights and Beaver is spending time with his old mistress. This led to a discussion about Beaver’s abortive sex life though it would appear that he’s quite an old dog! Talking of Old Dogs, Slackbladder who scrubs up quite well with the new trimmed beard and hair was very attentive of the Caledonian one, though I doubt he could understand a word she said! Florence was concerned that I should say nice things about her or at the very least get long time beau Zebedee to pay her a compliment! You asked for it! Apparently “he likes your fake tan and muscular legs!” With chat up lines like that how can you fail! On On.

Down Downs

RA Spot led us back to Inter-Hash AGAIN;

On On to;