Run Number:1407 Visit the website - http://www.berkshirehash.co.uk

Website Email - iceman@berkshirehash.co.uk

Venue: The King Charles Head

Hare: Shitshovellor

Cavaliers and Roundheads

Spot, Motox, Matt, Slowsucker, BGB, Hitch-hiker, Shutupwally, Cheating, Hashgate, C5, Baldrick, Tinopener, Simple Simon, Dunny, Lemming, Spex, Phil, Jon, Robert, Pete, Ms Whiplash, Salome, Shep and Gnarler, Foghorn, Chopstix, Premature, Cerberus, Harry Potter, Iceman, Soreskin, Ladybird, Slippery Nipples, Pissquick, Glittertits, Caboose, Simon, Stuart, Squirrel(Pub Only) From Oxford; Far Canal, Potshot, Big Stiffy.

Master-class in the mud!

Our new Grand Mattress called us to order (Nice of her to turn up!) She struggles to exude that air of authority that our previous GM did and finds controlling the mob more difficult than bullying poor Loud and Tasteless at home. Presumably we will get used to her loud squeaking rather than the stentorian Foghorn. He incidentally looked very attractive in his shocking pink wig and frou frou, which he was wearing in celebration of being “Father of the Bride” (More later!)

Our Hare seemed very organized and had even lived up to his alternative name of “Rainmaker” as we stood in the light drizzle He mentioned this as he casually informed us that the trail was laid the day before and that there might be a shortage of flour. He was standing next to Hashgate at the time which sent a shiver down the spine of those of us who survived the last trail he set (There are still hashers out in the Oxfordshire countryside vainly looking for the vestiges of a blob!)

We On Outed on what was to be an unusual trail especially so as more runs have been set by BH3 from this pub than any other. A few new twists were thrown in and Shitshovellor even managed to keep BGB and Cheating on board most of the way round. Into the woods with Hashgate an early FRB, a couple of early checks caused confusion and a hack across the undergrowth and a long muddy path kept us in a crocodile line until the flour disappeared. More undergrowth and a Bar 7 was even more successful at reversing the order and backing us up! We were now reversed onto a long muddy trail with Premature and Motox leading the way eventually down to a road. The next bit of confusion was down to your scribe, as enraged by the old lags Spot, Cheating, BGB etc ignoring the trail laid in the wood next to the road and the arrow back into the wood, he led everybody else up to the Bar 4. This led us back to the road and across to the trail where the smarta****s had already vanished Fortunately another long muddy woodland path led us to…. Well, nothing really as the flour petered out and only the distant hallooing of Foghorn gave us any real idea where the hell we were supposed to be running!

As we splashed through the puddles up to a stile into a field I was taken with how owners and their dogs grow to be alike. We have oft seen Wally’s ‘rat’ express himself all over the car park and similar pours out of his master’s mouth most of the time! Shep and the aptly named Gnarler certainly confirm this adage. Gnarler, who earlier had been attacking his reflection in a puddle, was racing through the shiggy whilst Shep also gambolled in the mud and was consequently covered from head to foot in glutinous goo!

Most of us still had no sense of whether the trail went left or right as we passed another check and an ! mark which is the Cyprus Hash version of P! We had been going for nearly 50 minutes and the pack was incredibly still together with the FRBs being thwarted at every turn though low practice had started to creep in, like the 4 blob false, at the Short/Long split. Consensus was that we would surely turn left so we obviously turned right into a spectacular valley. I was very disappointed by the manners of the younger generation as Cerberus refused to help me over a gate! Very unkind to a man of my age!

We emerged from the copse at the other side of the valley onto a road where we finally turned left through a farm and into more familiar territory! Now I had started to think kind things about our Hare but not for long as a check indicating one blob and on, led only to a false and a big grin from Shitshovellor as Caboose and I dragged ourselves back up the hill! We now set off down a long cart track with Matt in the lead. Cheating soon became bored and disappeared downhill left into the woods. We arrived at a check overlooking Mapledurham House and the Thames Valley but not even the daftest FRB was going to check out down that particular hill!

We back-checked down through the woods via a Bar 3 and a stepped track. It is particularly aggravating when Cheating gets it right as he often does and we eventually followed him down dale and up a very steep field knowing that we were on the way at least vaguely towards the pub. We crossed another road and up through a field of sheep, which for once didn’t attack or follow me. Spot found the last twist in the trail as we again crashed across the woodland floor to the On Inn and a short jog back to pub where Matt, who had seen off the knackered Cheating, was waiting for the second part of his driving lesson..Parking!

An excellent Hash with all the low arts and crafts of trail setting. It kept us together for an hour and had a sting in the tail!

CONGRATULATIONS

Puppypenis and Nip and Tuck have tied the knot! Clearly nobody had warned him to look to the future as “Daughters turn into their mothers…” Scary, though by American standards she’s practically anorexic! I’m sure we all wish them well though I personally worry about the gene pool, which I suspect has not been enlarged by much! Aaron claims to be a Yankee and though I cannot remember actually calling him a redneck, every time I see him in his truck I get flashbacks to old episodes of “The Dukes of Hazard” Foggy clearly hankers after life south of the Mason-Dixon line growing his hair like a Davy Crocket hat recently. I look forward to their appearance on the “Gerry Springer” show. The offspring of the union will no doubt join the NRA and inspire the Boomtown Rats to re-form!

Down Downs

RA Glittertits announced the following awards;

On On to;