Number: 1427	27/3/05	Visit the website – www.berkshirehash.co.uk Website Email – iceman@bhhh.freeserve.co.uk
Venue:	The Hashgate, Bramshill
Hares:	Slowsucker – should have been Cerberus and Premature

Early Risers

Pissquick Cheating Spex, Dutch Cap, Chopsticks(), Baldrick()Glittertits, Iceman, C5, Wally, XX, Foghorn Marsaday Hamlet, Potty,Nutty, Cerberus, Premature, Crapper, , Cloggs, Non-stick, Honeymonster, Mafia, Turd Shredder, Itsyor, Fiddler

Dogs

Old , Max, Bonnie. Tag

Latecomers

Stuart(Cretin)

Thr Return of The Crapper – be careful where you tread

Yes it started bad and got worse.Having rung up most of the hash to ensure they supportrd my friends Cerebrus/Premature and did not sleep in(clocks spring forward),
I left early and at 10.30 was surprised to see a look alike Slowsucker cycling away from the pub to the Bramshill plantation car park.
Deducing that common fellows often have doubles I thought nothing more of it until I got to the Hashgate.
Only Potty and Nutty there for me to talk to but when I approached for them to lower their window and allow me to increase their
knowledge of life, Potty made a mistake and pressed the central door locking knob instead.
Fortunately the Commissioner of Guides then arrived and I was able to exchange a few dibs and dabs along with some riding along
on the chest of slaves and all that.
I started to feel popular as GT accosted me and said I was the chosen one because I knew all about hashing, Things were looking up
maybe more attendees for my Hare Raising Clinics or a chance to lecture on Trail Laying with a Wally at the next Nash Hsah.
No gadzooks he said that Hashgate had a 2” one but he wasn’t coming and therefore not bringing it.
Professional as I am, I proudly told him mine is at least 4” and rechargeable and I had it with me.
Any of you who expect patronising from a sycophantic scribe – be warned I say it as it is or was on the day, a more acerbic stile?!.
A Sumo size chef then castigated us for not parking at the back – well how did we know and where were the hares.
At last Cerebrus and Premature appeared but announced they had swopped – sexes, dogs stamps not the sort of thing for a normal
quality hash.
And then the Slowsucker double appeared in his car with a bike in the back and I knew my first fears would be realised.
With a whistle and her usual military aplomb Spex called the troops to order.
A clutch of virgins greeted us together with the only Easter bunnies Old Dog and Twankey.
Slowsucker failed to point out he had laid it on said bike and so we were soon ON ON down the usual way, left down road and then
into woods. MotorOX had other ideas(as usual) and promptly led Bob, Foghorn and Cloggs down a long false – Tee Hee.
Crapper duly obliged with a large pile of doo doo.
Cheating was now leading which he often does for the first 100 yards but then kept straight ON ON and disappeared to short cut the
route by 90%. Bootsy following the example of the hare thought this was a bike hash and rode on on her bike and maybe Lonely isn’t
so lonely these days – Foghorn was cross that he hadn’t promoterd it at the bash.
Injured Cerberus was backmarking with her dog Molly with Honeymonster skiing along with his sticks and complaining there was no
snow whilst mad Mafia and Mad Max 4 communed.
C5 who is currently below par(it’s something to do with Fulham’s handicap) was managing to keep it up with harriettes Piss Quick and
Chopstix.
The virgins Chris, Duncan and Jack were being given useful tips by Craig as they struggled on this bike route.
Chris a reformed smoker asked by people if he smokes now replies “only when someone sets fire to me”
Round a pond with Canadian Geese and back into the woods where Foghorn looked like he was checking but it was just an ablution
stop.
Under the pylons where the FRbs were caught by a check where they all followed the leader Premature, Non-stick, Cloggs, C5 and a
rather heavyweight triathlete called Twankey.
Lonely and Cheating then surfaced from their Liiliputian trail as we slogged down the pylon line.
And so to the regroup where Cloggs took charge from the top of her mound(Spex not Happy)
Premature was still hanging onto Libby whereas Bootsy was trying to do a jump(not with Lonely).
At the next check Motorox and Lonely headed off, Bob and Potty talked a lot and Baldrick was doing an international loop off to the
left(he went a long way but it was wrong). Efingham and the commissioner were telling Girl Guide jokes as we waited for the call.
At the long/short divide I had to head off with Glittertits to organist the vittalls for afterwards.
So the soup contingent led by GT, PQ, Spex, Bob all resplendent in their Inter Hash gear of pink and white with Effingham and
Chopstix were spread out in front of me as we exited the forest and descended into the valley.
Past the gas plant and St Neots School and across the road to the poorer half of Bramshill.
Here you have to use skilled judgment to negotiate your way rhrough the trees and round the lakes – unfortunately our bike strapped
hare was sadly lacking in this department. Having been here with THE FRB(Fast Running Bonnie) I knew the best route.
Despite being left behind, with the use of my nifty compass I was able to head directly back to rescue Potty and get back just as FRBs
Premature, Non-Stick were arriving at the GT’s soup kitchen.
Then followed Cloggs, Iceman, Itsyor, Fiddler.
We were then all on our worst behaviour as the GM left early
Next time please call the locum hare and all will be well or email your ideas to iamwally@ntlworld.com

Down Downs

	Name		Reason			Style points
	Iceman		Dawdling behind Glittertits in his Noddy car			A bit quicker than his driving
	Twankey, Old Dog		For having 4 inches and being Easter Bunnies			Poor C5 got most of it
	Effingham		Potty gave her THE SHEEP			Because she said if he didn’t have his effing hand up the Effing sheep’s arse he could Effing run faster – speed is not in Potty’s repertoire
	Glittertits		For losing his slippers			Old Dog gave him a gin and tonic with which to relax!
	Chris, Duncan, Jack Premature/Cerberus		Virgins Tarts – for not doing haring			Better than their running C5 lost again
	Slowsucker		Bike Hare
7pm Monday 1429		7pm Monday 11 Apr		7pm Monday 468917	The North Star Steventon		Caboose – he’s 40! Life begins here