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Lightwater Country Park


ShutupWally, Honeymonster

Frank Lloyd Wrightists

Spex LoudonTasteless Hashgate SlowSucker Glittertits Weeek PissQuick ScarletPimpernel Lucy PoisonedChalice Jenks TinOpener Peter Robert James Nicola Luke Paul Caboose Abi Scrumbag Nils DunnyStumbler Lonely with dog Beaver BlowJob Twanky Cerberus Premature Motox Cheating Itsyor Fiddler OldFart Baldrick 2Bob Puddleduck Utopia Uplift Mrs Blobby Foghorn Florence David C5 Dumper Septic Zebedee Dutch Donut Alan Delmar TA OldDog SlackBladder Spot Hitchiker Oliver (from the arboretum)

Relief And Tweaking

Following the terrible London explosions last week I’m sure BH3 would like to say how relieved we all were to hear Donut was ok after learning she had been on the Edgeware Road underground train opposite the one that was bombed. Also, tonight’s virgin, Paul, who was actually on the bombed train.

A bit of a tweak to the format of the Gobsheet this week. A bit more colourful, unless you’re reading this in black and white. Not too much of a change and hopefully to your liking. Let me know what you think. The winner of last week’s poetry quiz was Dutch, who correctly managed to utilise the full blazing magnitude of her intellectual capacity to type the line into Google, successfully identifying ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock’ by T.S. Eliot. Florence, Lonely and Honeymonster also got it so well done to them too.

A Night At The Follies

You can bet your bottom dollar that however hard ShutupWally works to provide a good Hash (and he does work hard) general confusion is the order of the day. For instance, some people expected a 7 o’clock start, some 7.30. Wally finally appeared wearing a pseudo-Australian bush hat – we weren’t sure why. At the Gather Round he informed us that we would be eating and drinking about half a mile from the car park so we should take jackets with us to ward off the chill on this blisteringly hot summer night. Amazingly, some people did! And at the On Out the Short Cutters went one way while the rest of us headed in the opposite direction. Confused? So were we. Perhaps the wisest person tonight was Simple, who wasn’t actually there. His good lady DunnyStumbler informed me that, due to the travelling distance, he “couldn’t be ar*ed”. Hot night, pub down the road – I can see his point. Still, good on Dunny who could be ar*ed although she kept confusing me by appearing in front about a minute after each time I passed her. Slaughterhouse 5 or what?!

We had been promised sight of twelve follies on our route but I counted thirteen – when Motox appeared at the Regroup in Honeymonster’s car! Despite our spluttered, jaw-dropped protestations the fellow was completely unfazed and gave us all a merry wave as he stepped from the limousine. The two other occupants of the car were 2Bob and son Puddleduck (2Bob had injured his calf). We haven’t seen them for many months and it was a pleasant surprise; especially Puddleduck, who has grown about a foot and a half. It was suggested that we should rename him PuddleGiraffe!

Our (Long Trailers) evening started with a stonking great climb up a dusty hill and a Check where several, including Nils and SlowSucker were tempted down the hill to a False only to have to stagger gaspingly back up again to where Wally’s ‘friends’ Alan and Delmar were having a bit of a sit down. They told me that they only came because Wally had threatened to talk to them non-stop for several days if they didn’t. ‘Nuff said. Alan, incidentally, provided some slapstick humour during the trail when we all fetched up against a fairly wide, water-filled ditch and had lost flour. Premature, Donut, Glittertits, Spot, Abi, Twanky – in fact, almost everyone dithered around wondering whether to attempt the leap of faith. Except Donut, who flatly refused, got three faults and trotted off to find a bridge. A little further down I noticed Alan take a mighty jump. He sailed magnificently across, tripped on the other bank and hurtled headfirst into a bush. Wonderful! He was then followed by Spot who aimed for the base of the opposite bank and ended up with a plimsoll full of duck poop. Excellent! These kind of obstacles should be encouraged on the Hash.

Now what, we asked, does a Check with MC in it mean? Neither Florence, nor C5, nor Glittertits nor anyone else could figure it out. Suggestions ranged from Multi Check to Maximum Confusion. Both summed it up and it took us a while to find the trail that led down a steep, dusty ski-slope through the forest where BlowJob did her best to pull me off in the bushes (perhaps I could have phrased that better). There was quite a lot of this kind of steep and dusty stuff, along with the occasional 4 blobs and a False that C5, Glittertits and I enjoyed until we hit some tarmac where TA and I further enjoyed the confusion engendered by the blobs of white ant powder around the base of the nearby corner shop. We nearly ended up buying a dozen eggs and a copy of Knitting Weekly. The ants seemed to be a visual echo of our own mindless meanderings. They weren’t wearing bright T-shirts but were certainly following each other blindly and wondering how to get On In to their nest. The Regroup came and went. We were off to see the follies.

The Ethedra (sounding like a many-legged alien in a sci-fi horror story), the Armillary Sphere (the large, round seed of a particularly rare Kew Gardens specimen?), the Chapel of Love (Elvis had definitely left this building) and Cleopatra’s Needle (a hormonally challenging time in the life of the Egyptian legend?) awaited us and we began to see them after catching up with Baldrick, Mrs Blobby and Utopia (wearing matching tops of course – not Baldrick I should clarify). Each folly was a unique item of architectural kitsch set into the pleasant landscape; either an ungainly human intervention or a fascinating counterpoint to nature, depending on your point of view. The thing that particularly caught my eye was near to Cleopatra’s Needle where the close-growing furze bushes amongst the grass had been clipped into the shape of squat, one-legged, gnome-like objects. They seemed to be watching Spot as he ran through them and I got the impression they might come frighteningly to life after dark. From here it was a short leg to Glittertits mobile canteen where Motox lounged idly, allegedly having got there much faster than we did…

Glitttertits had provided a cornucopia of rolls, water, soup, canapes, paté de foie gras, lobster thermidore and quails eggs. Well almost. The soup went down an absolute storm, especially after a can of Fosters – the beer, I believe, having been provided by the generous Wally. SlackBladder committed that most heinous of crimes – using a mobile phone on the Hash and Lonely, Beaver and Cheating were warmly applauded when they arrived a fearfully long time after the rest of us and too late for the soup! Poor Beaver isn’t quite as young as he was and had been struggling. At least that’s what Lonely and Cheating said. Beaver may have flopped heatedly down when they all stopped but he gave me a wry look that said it all – “Blasted humans. One couldn’t stay on the trail if he was nailed to it. The other one looks like a Communist gondolier.” (Lonely was wearing a red and white striped top.)

A splendid effort Wally. An interesting Hash with plenty of talking points and I loved the presentation of the eucalyptus. It was unusual, confusing, complex and sometimes we lost the thread – reminds me of someone I know…

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Dumper presented the following :-



Style points


Water abuse

Abused his drink over his head


Using a mobile on the Hash

Good slurp from a paper cup


Failing the water jump and getting a muddy plimsoll



Returning Beaver to the Hash



Virgin Hasher

Ditto with fair spillage

Hashgate, Utopia, Mrs Blobby

Me for taking the mickey out of their identiclothes. And, yes, they were wearing matching tops

A little spillage but I actually got (my water!) down first


Tonight’s Hare

Really quite fair


Leaving lost property about

Just a bit slower

The Sheep was passed to OldFart by SlowSucker for consistently wearing an old T-shirt and ShutupWally presented a eucalyptus plant in a pot to Mrs Blobby for showing the most interest in the follies during the Hash.

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






Echinswell Village Hall
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