The Hashers

Tea Pot and Hat Man (refugees from the Ankara Hash) Dumper, Zebedee, Flo, Slow Sucker, GT, PQ, Dutch, It’s Your (I think – I know he came out of hibernation one of these recent weeks), Hashgate, Knacker Catcher, Foghorn, Lonely, Premature, Cerberus, Shandyman, Chopsticks, Baldrick, Mother, Lemming, Motox, Shit Shovellor, BGB, Tin Opener, Quack, C5. Apologies to anyone I’ve not included on the list.

The Hash

An email arrived through the magic of cyberspace on Tuesday; ‘Hashgate calling – I’ve got to go to a Remembrance Day service on Sunday, so won’t be at the hash. Can you do the Gob Sheet?’ Nice one, Scribe. Couldn’t you have Remembranced that last Sunday and passed over the talking-into machine so that one had a chance of Remembrancing what happened? Oh no, that would be too easy! So here goes, with the defective memory of someone who is getting old and will be 40 next year:

It was wet – I remember that. Dumper drove me through the pouring rain and we discussed with a heavy heart that, what with the rain and the venue being at the eastern extremity of Berkshire, the turnout would be poor. So imagine our delight when there were well over 30 people dripping with rain and anxiety to get the run started. But would you believe that, just before we started, it stopped raining, proving once more that God is a hasher.

The GM was absent, yet again, so Dutch began the proceedings with a rant about the following week’s run, which was a bit odd; but the poor girl is blond so I suppose she’s easily confused. She introduced our visitors from Ankara (see above: Section 1, sub-section 0, line 1) and then handed over to the hares. The Old Dog was their spokesperson and she explained………. something that I am sure was very important. Florence explained later (it would have to be later, wouldn’t it, because she never arrives until later) that one of the advantages of being late is that you don’t have to listen to all the drivel from the GM (or stand-in GM) and the hares. You have to say that she does have a point.

We then departed on our outward journey that was to take us into Windsor Great Park and the surrounding environs of Windsor itself, Old Windsor, New Windsor, East Windsor, West Windsor North……. You get the picture: it was a long run. However, it was very educational, which is what we like at BH3. We like multi-tasking, especially the men, who are good at it. So we combined a history lesson with some hashing and enjoyed a thoroughly fruitful morning. We all felt very virtuous at the end, not to mention better educated. All except Lemming, for whom education is still a four-letter word (he hasn’t learned to count to nine yet).

Our hash took us alongside the Thames, which was looking in splendid condition. Which is more than could be said of many of the pack when Tea Pot initiated an FA stop at the RG. FA? Father Abraham – so we all had to sing and move to FA under the leadership of our friend from Ankara. It’s a good job that none of us has been snapped up for Strictly Come Dancing! Co-ordination? Forget it!

We wended our way to the outskirts of the park where we found the first of the public toilets that I now remember formed the basis of the Old Dog’s peroration at the start of the run. She boasted that there were no less than two lots of loos on the way round – hooray. Actually, I do feel that this is something that all hares should incorporate into their trails – one can’t overestimate the problems of having to ‘do a Paula’ half way round a hash. Only Dumper, so far, has mastered the art.

Having availed ourselves of the facilities (it was too good an opportunity to miss), we set off up the hill to the memorial to JFK, kindly donated by you, me and all the other taxpayers of this country. Slack explained that soon after it had been erected it had been blown up by anarchists, Marxists, hashers or some other equally nefarious group and the authorities had had to stick it together again. Much as they’ve done with Motox. Shortly afterwards, we came across the memorial to the signing of the Magna Carta and so learned, or some of us did anyway, from the dates on the respective monoliths, that Magna Carta was signed before JFK was assassinated. It just shows that you learn something every day.

We staggered through the flood plain, having descended from said monuments, and had great fun splashing around in the mud. Well, some people did, anyway. Can you guess whom? No prizes, I’m afraid, for guessing correctly. It was very jolly, though, but eventually we had to emerge onto the tarmac of Windsor. But not before we ran along a long path and then allegedly into some woods, to come out at a cross roads at the top of a long hill.

Now, I didn’t enter the alleged woods and neither did a number of other hashers and I reckon we were on flour all the time. However, some goody-two-shoes were emphatic that we’d missed a loop through these woods. I think they got confused and then had to justify their error. Attack is the best form of defence so they accused us of short-cutting. Didn’t you Cerberus and Flo? - to name just two of the poor, demented souls.

At any event, the top of the hill, where we all managed to get to by hook or by crook, was the start of a very long run back to the pub. Luckily, most of it was down – if it had been up, some of the pack would be there now, struggling to get back, especially after their exertions doing Father Abraham.

However, we all managed to stagger back somehow to finish a long, interesting and stimulating morning. And then what happened? It started raining – proving for the second time in one day that God is a hasher!

Congratulations Old Dog and Slack – it was so good, I’ve got you pencilled in to lay another trail in the very near future!

On On. C5.

Down Downs

Stand-in RA, GT, did some down-downs but I can’t remember them. However, because it was raining outside, he did them inside the pub, which for BH3 was a bit radical. My view is that radical thinking like that should be confined to asylums and the Houses and Parliament – sorry for the repetition/tautology. Ah yes, I’ve just remembered some of the down downs:

Not bad – for a visitor

Up and Coming