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Edge of Crowthorne Wood


Slowsucker and L&T

The Escapees

Motox, GT, PQ, Old Fart, Old Dog, Jay and dog Alfie, Trembler, Knee Trembler, Virgin Jeanette, BGB, Doughnut, Foggy, Nutty, Potty, Baldrick, Twankey, Dunny, Simple, Honeymonster, Come in a car, Hey Babe, Fanny Pack, BogBrush, Lucy and Toby (yes they came back for more….) Dumper, Septic, C5, Dutchcap, Blowjob, Virgin Jackie, Shandyman, Chopstix, Miss Whiplash, Salome, Iceman, Anorak, Posh, Bomber, Spex, Stinking Bishop, Grommit, Lonely, Bootsie, Cloggs, Non-stick, Fiddler, Quack, Flo, Zebedee, Madam Cyn.

The Escape Route…

Mmmmm, well this was interesting….a hash next to Broadmoor? We were either going to get gunned down as mistaken escapees as we crashed about shouting and raving trying to find our way back to the car parks or we were all going to get flattened by the Royal Armoured Vehicle Corps out on tank manoeuvres. Happily, neither disaster happened although a funny thing did happen on the way to the Forum. Honeymonster very kindly stood at the bottom of the road directing traffic and most of us got the general drift, however Miss Whiplash, sporting her ‘low to the ground’ I’ve just washed my car and I ain’t driving it up no broken down track, zoomed off in another direction….Quack, (arriving late ahem and parking elsewhere) although he actually ran part way up the track, decided it can’t be up there and meandered off back into the village, finally twigging that it was the right direction and then met everyone coming back….so much for having a flash gps and mapping system on his computer….OS Explorer maps rule ok!

There was much humming and hawing, was everybody here, who was at the other car parks? And then there was a ‘ring ring’…phone on the hash!!!!…Poor old L&T had to give directions to Spex who for some reason over-shot the grid reference by two miles and was just about buy the Sunday Roast in Sainsburys in Bracknell. Yes even Chelsea Tractor Drivers get it wrong and not everyone pays attention to the fine details of where to park that considerate Hares give us….

So, a grumpy BGB finally handed over to the hares at about 11.10 and we were told everything was completely confusing and be warned the long is looooooonnnnnggg. So off we sped in hot pursuit of another running group that had just surged out of the undergrowth and zoomed up the track, was this a combined hash, a joint run??? No, just another bunch of health freaks enjoying the splendid Sunday morning sunshine that we had been blessed with. The forest was alive with walkers, runners, cyclists, you name it they were there.

BGB and Motox had a great time, dispensing BH3 ‘calling cards’ on the unsuspecting British public. Motox seized the opportunity of way-laying 4 very intrepid lady runners and thrusting ‘the hash’ card on them. Motox, it was meant to have the BH3 contact details on it, not your phone number and to call you if they needed anything serviced…whereas the gentleman that BGB accosted was quite adamant that he didn’t want to buy Insurance and was quite determined not to read the sweaty card that BGB was so desperately trying to fob onto him. Maybe if he had pulled the card out of a jacket pocket rather than the front of his sweaty trousers he might have had a better response?

It was a thundering trail….at least 3 of them, all running parallel because at any given time there were at least 3 groups of hashers trying to work out the new encoded checks….I suspect that Slowsucker was laying the trail as he went along, he was looking decidedly shifty and very pleased with himself, especially when we were all off on fiendish falses.

Lemming missed some great mud fight material….especially a really stinky, overgrown, pungent track that was ankle deep in peaty gloup, through overhanging laurel that was 2 feet from the ground…..mind you we sussed out the best way through, heads down and hands on the hash bum in front…..thank goodness CIAC didn’t fart…….what a gent!

Now I didn’t see this, but I have it on good authority that the RA was a bit of a pratt today, (nuffing new there then….) Sporting his sunglasses (obviously the sun was too bright for his hangover) he was pounding his way along, sweating like a good un. On approaching the water jump (small puddle) he carefully lined himself up and went for it. Hickstead Marshalls would have been proud of him, but sadly he missed his stride and landed in the puddle, or rather his sunglasses did….the boy is losing his grip. And rumour has it, not that I am one to gossip, but he was seen crossing a bar……as opposed to ordering from it!

Talking of scurrilous scandal…. Lonely was seen hiding behind a tree and I don’t think he was taking a bark rubbing….Iceman was seen going through a False……..CIAC and Twanky did some hash crashing, Florence and Zebedee were the only two (apparently) who not only ran the trail correctly but also did an extra loop…..Why? The final insult though was when Slowsucker announced at the re-group that ‘non-athletes’ should do the short trail and wouldn’t be up to the long….red rag to a bull and Spex rose to the challenge!!

By the way, if you are wondering why the gobsheet is not up to it’s usual RBH3 standards, Hashgate has been given special leave of absence to entertain his old ladies, go to Philadelphia for work and to go Ski-ing in Vermont….so you will just have to put up with our quill and parchment efforts to do the gob sheets as the machine with the batteries never turned up…..where did Amanda and Barney get to?

This week’s hash though, it was a great trail through some great hashy countryside with something for everyone, and commendable economy of flour by using the same blobs on the way out as on the way in….

On On. Old Dog, woof, woof!

Down Downs

RA Simple presented the following :-

(Potty gave Simple the first one…)



Style points


Losing the grip on this glasses and Bog-snorkling for them

True hasher style and not a drop was spilt – example to us all (grovel)


Flamboyant puddle-prancing which earned her the infamous umbrella to carry next week

Swift and Sure and with Style

Miss Whiplash

Not wanting to drive up the track in her low-cut car

Wanted to share her bounty and made sure Simple got some beer too!


The lost one….

Drained every last drop (he hasn’t been for a while so he was thirsty….)

Old Dog

Alleged RA abuse

Perfection of course…..


Worst hair-do on the hash – a tad unfair we ladies thought…

Real smooth


Talking in the circle when the RA was trying to regain control

Decided muddy puddles were quite nice really and sank the lot

Stinking Bishop and the RA

Hash Crashing

RA left him standing

The Hares

Slowsucker and Loud and Tasteless

Jolly good trail

L&T has been practising somewhat and Slowsucker just lived up to his name!

Up and Coming



Grid Reference




28 Jan


The Frog, Skirmett RG9 6TG

Lenore and Gerry


4 Feb


The The Swan Inn
Newtown, South Newbury
RG20 9BH

Little Stiffy and Slack