A hash of contrasts

The hot….

Mrs Blobby, Blowjob,C4, Cerberus, Chopstix, Claire, Cloggs, Desperate, Doughnut, Dunny, DutchCAP, Fannybag ,Florence, Gromit, Jay, Little Stiffy, Lucy, Mother T, OldDog, PP, PoshTART, Miss Whiplash, Salome, Septic, Slippery, Spex, Utopia, Newballsplease, Bridget, Diana, Megan and Chelsea.

…and the not…

Zebedee, Wally, Vlad, Twanky, Tony, Tinopener, Stinkin’ B, Spot, Snowballs, Slowsucker, Slackbladder, Shitfor, Shandyman, Quack, Onehunglow, Oldballs, Old Fart, Nonstick, Motox, L&T, Lemming ,Jamie, Iceman, Honeymonster, Foghorn, Flash, Dwight, Dumper, Drac, CL, Centaur, Caboose, Bomber, Bogbrush, Billy Bullshit, Baldrick and YoungFarts,,James and Dan

Young/old

First impressions of Sunday’s hash were of youth!! To start with we encountered Julia leading her 2 young Dwightlings up the hill away from the trail as she didn’t want them to upset their old dad by out-running him. Then there were Megan and Chelsea, young visions in pink, being held back by the somewhat tardy Diana and Septic. We sped on but found it difficult to catch Dan and James, junior members of the Old Fart dynasty, who had left that old boy way behind. Eventually we saw the hares, Mr Blobby and C5, nearly 120 years between them and, after the morning’s exertions, beginning to look like it! They had to be careful when we ran past Calleva not to be mistaken for Roman ruins!

Sleet/sun

To be fair they had had a battle with the elements. When they set out it had been sleeting and cold enough to freeze off their tiny… extremities! However, by 11 it was a bright sunny morning with not a cloud in sight and certainly no need for Gromit’s umbrella although carrying it seemed to improve her speed.

High Tech/Low Tech

At a check in the woods BGB thrust the dreaded Dictaphone into my hand. Thinking it had gone AWOL I hadn’t bothered to look at Hashgate’s idiot’s guide to its use and, being an idiot, I couldn’t get it to work. Foggy hadn’t the foggiest and Zeb had no idea either. Twanky, who had one of these in his pram instead of a rattle, fiddled with the buttons and got it going. By this time I was at the back and struggling to catch even Motox. I thought I’d lighten my load so gave it to him to carry and ran off. To my surprise Motox relished his role as a roving reporter. On the tape there’s mainly the noise heavy breathing to a background of feet marching through squelchly mud but there’s also quite a few comments. These are mainly about Motox overtaking people. Passing, Spex, in particular which he likens to a snail overtaking a slug! Centaur, Premature, Bomber, Slowsucker - sluggishness abounds! Motox blames Slowsucker’s on the diet he’s on and Slowsucker is recorded complaining of his portion size! Talking of portions, number 44 is a recurring theme on the tape – not chicken chow mein but Claire, later to be renamed, who seemed to be constantly trying to get ahead of the wily walker.

Wet/dry

Number 44 particularly made a name for herself at a deep muddy stream about three-quarters of the way around. There had been a lot of shiggy at the start of the trail (much to Foggy and Lemming’s delight and Doughnut’s dismay!) but somehow Claire had managed to keep her new white and pink(!) shoes fairly clean and dry. On trying to leap the stream she miscalculated and ended up completely covered in shiggy. How we all laughed! By the look of her forehead she must have landed on it. I followed Nonstick further upstream where he crossed as nimble as a tight-rope walker by balancing on a thin branch. Not being so sure-footed I was helped across by the gallant L&T.

Hair/No hair

I spotted Blowjob who was definitely sporting a new shorter but fuller curlier hairstyle – even Motox noticed. This contrasted with Jamie’s striking more minimalist style which was more reminiscent of those slapheads Lemming and Drac. Maybe it makes him more aerodynamic. He seemed to be doing quite well at the start and led Posh and I at a fair pace across the undergrowth when either checking or chatting had got us separated from the pack. We had been at our cars sometime before Jamie rounded the corner by the ON INN and jogged down the hill past us. Perhaps he’d been lost or done an extra bit as he thought the hares’ trail wasn’t long enough! If so, we disagreed! We’d done enough!

Thank you Mr B and C5 for laying such a confusing trail which kept the pack close together and quite a few of them behind Motox for a lot of the time ……. or did he short-cut?

Expensive/Cheap

“Three pounds and five pence for a pint a beer!” exclaimed Flash as we sat outside awaiting the down-downs. I hadn’t noticed the prices as Caboose (the man of my dreams – ask him) kindly offered to buy me a drink as I sidled up to him at the bar. Unwittingly I choose a half of the expensive option, Festive Pheasant, and C5 ordered a pint of the same when he bounded over to us seeing Caboose with his wallet open. With prices like that The Wednesday Whingers won’t be using the pub and taking advantage of the free chips so skilfully negotiated by C5 with the landlady. Fortunately Old Dog sniffed out Badger at a bargain £2.30 but she is a Scot!

The raffle was a wonder to behold. We all thought the first prize was a big expensive telly but it turned out to be a teddy which was won by a little girl. All other winning tickets were discarded unless the winner was within earshot or favoured by the landlady. A bar full of hashers and not one of us won – maybe C5’s negotiating skills aren’t so good!.

On on Flo

Down Downs

RA Simple presented the following :-

Drank it like there’s no tomorrow. There might not be if you’re 85!

Receding Hareline