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Village Hall, Basildon


C5 and Flo

The Mudbloods:-

TT2, Zebedee, Doughnut, Swallow, Spot, Posh, Bomber, Ladybird, Iceman, Flash, Nutty, Ossie, Hitch, Potty, Dunny, Fiddler, Itsyour, Quack, Little Stiffy, Slackbladder, Dwight, Tinopener, Old Fart, Centaur, Nick, Russell, Wally, Twanky, Septic, Baldrick, Dumper, Honeymonster, Motox, the Blobbies, BGB, Fanny Bag, Bog Brush, Uplift, Utopia, Billy Liar,Cerebrus, Dribbler, Cheating, Stiffy, Loud n Tasteless, Spex, C4, Snowballs, Simple, Old Dog, Hashgate and I think there were more but I can’t find any more listed…..too many buttons on the dreaded squawk machine!!!

The Trudge in the Sludge

Well, what a way to return to the hash….yes Old Dog has been limping lately and had some time out at the Vet’s (awww) and now, distemper tablets to the ready (not forgetting tick removing weapons) back in the running. Talking of which, Spot was there too but I didn’t inspect him for ticks….hopefully he is tick free and back on form!!

Now, the run – well having just spent the weekend dealing with the forces of nature, battling against all odds to stem the deluge of mud and sludge into our homes, sand bags, towels, buckets and jugs to the ready, bailing out for all we are worth…Roads impassible, trains cancelled, power out and in short, woe, woe, thrice woe etc…what do we do? WE are all whooping and hollering and gaily stomping round Basildon squishing, squashing, slipping and sliding in glorious mud and puddles – and by the looks of everyone’s legs, some of us, up to our knees! What was that about Dr Foster? Think the flooding in Gloucester has finally hit Berkshire! But what a great evening and birthday run!

Now we should have known/expected this one really, after all who were the hares? C5 and Flo, two of our fastest endurance athletes on the hash – mental note, do the short the next time!! There we were champing at the bit to be off, running and back to eat….I mean enjoy a glorious slog and enjoy the Berkshire countryside!! Checks we were assured were done so that the fast could do the long and the slower of us could do S and M….what!? Yes you heard, we were in for an evening of S&M, so off the pack went in search of these wanton delights only to find miles and miles of dense undergrowth and acres of sludge and slime. It was a long haul with the pack often in a long neat line sheepishly following the trail to a ‘t’ doing the longs meant for Centaur.. Bomber overtook me 3 times having assured me he knew the route as they had ‘bashed’ it….The walkers had been given a ‘direction free’ map and ended up doing a pub crawl instead! The slower amongst us just kept our heads down and ploughed along making sure that Flo was behind thankfully.

Quotes from tonight’s hash were ‘Its not going to rain” (well done Fannybag, it didn’t) ‘This is the road to L” (at a check) Gratis a Wally, ‘Its better face down’ (prize for guessing who said that about what….!) ‘Its very muddy’ Utopia top of the class for observation, ‘it was average…’ wife of hare, ‘thank god I can get my kit off’ (you won’t believe which quiet lady said that!)….

Lonely’s daughter Helen was sadly not quite on top form as she was still suffering from a ‘rowing’ boat hangover….

Cheating was at the start of the hash and appeared on the on inn…but where the heck was he during it….mmmmm Wally, however, made sure that we all knew where he was and kept us posted on hashing and hare etiquette as usual…..where would we be without him?

Since I spent most of my time on the short trail and near the back due to trying to press buttons on the infernal speaking machine and keep vertical I didn’t see any gossip as such, so if anyone has any, do spread it around!!!

Mind you back at the hall we were in for some delights as C5 had cunningly re-signposted the showers so one lovely young man did come into the ‘Ladies’. Fortunately for us most of the ladies were in the showers and he only glimpsed the heavily corseted Old Dog trying to unpeel her tee shirt!! Of course the evening then really went into festive mode with beer and grub in celebration of C5’s birthday. Can I just say a very hearty hashy bravo and well done to Loud and Tasteless and all the helpers who cooked, slaved, cleaned, stacked, packed and unpacked and generally did all those behind the scenes things that make our Berkshire Hash evenings go with a real swing! I know all of us hashers appreciate you and your hard work, there is so much goes on behind the scenes, and you make it look effortless!!

It was a great run and a great hall to come back to with showers and all the trimmings…we look forward to the next one there!!

Don’t forget Jaywax is doing a Sunday walk, contact her or Baldrick for details. Cabin Boy’s run next week has food but you need to order in advance, see Flo. Contact Simple for next year’s Ski Sunday details and money up front!! And don’t forget the Summer Extravaganza on August 11, see Motox for tickets ‘ they are going fast’… prize for guessing that quote!

On On. Old Dog, woof!.

Down Downs

RA Simple presented the following :-



Style points


Stupid (pink) shoes (which actually matched his shirt!!)

Needs more practice!!!


Caught jogging (walkers aren’t allowed to do this)

Needs a pint the next time, she has been practising!

Old Dog

Calling loudly and making sure we knew the way…..Doghorn!

Why can’t I have sherry?

C5 and Dutch

Birthday Babes

Lovely matching hats and sheepy key rings, and supped the lot with gusto!

Billy Liar

Spraying his territory in the shower, or was it acting on impulse?

He likes it too much, we should re-think the content of the glass!!


Being the master chef – as usual

In fine Chef style

C5 and Flo

The muddiest summer trail so far

It was neck and neck!!!

The cross ceremony or transfer – Hashgate

To Wally for being a Wally and after all he is our ‘cross’ to bear

Assured us that he would rise on the third day….! I am too polite to pass any comment on that one!!

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






Perch and Pike, South Stoke

Jenks, Squirrel




Maltesers Arms, Rotherfield Grey

Old Far