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The Horns, Crazies Hill


Spot, Donut

Nymphs and Satyrs

Quack BlowJob Swallow Vlad Drac Spex LoudonTasteless Baldrick OldFart SlowSucker Tinopener Lilo Lil Dutch Roy Iceman Motox C5 BlouseBlazer Dumper Dunny Florence Old Dog Caboose GT PQ Simple Poison Ivy Yankit Just Doug Nappy Rash Penis Puller Bomber Posh Twanky Heybabe CIAC Wally Honeymonster Bob Cheating Bernie Gerry Handful Twoeyes Rob Centaur + Emma, Barney & the rat

Flushed and Breathless

The Horns”… “The Horny” is more likely! Whoever chose this pub must have realised that the mild and damp summer has led to an outbreak of the highly contagious “Hanky-panky” with many of the male members of the Hash fully rampant and ready to rut for the attention of a fair maid or whatever passes for one in BH3 (I find a pulse is always a start!) Worryingly it may already have spread outside the Berkshire exclusion zone and into other local hashes.

I blame Slackbladder for being the root cause of this when he decided that his seed was worth sewing as he cut a swathe through the lady hashers even partaking whilst on a trail from the Crown and Cushion one fine summer evening. He certainly never gets as flushed running.! As a young man he posed for “The Joy of Sex” and still yearns for those halcyon days when he could look down and see his pride and joy. Sadly he wasn’t with us today as he has a double hernia caused by attempting a particularly athletic position (See P142 of said publication) with his latest conquest, whoever that is this week.

Symptoms have even spread to some of our female hashers as Spex in an attempt to kick start her flagging image as the “Spex Bomb” in a late life crisis, has squirreled away the loose change the “Mars Millionaire” allows her for the shopping and bought herself a sporty Red Beetle. The cars nice…! Old Dog also has gone for the new hair colour in an effort to look younger for her new beau. It’s sort of “old boxer” colour. Very attractive in a low light I’m sure.

I am prevented from naming other names due to the laws of libel. Our insurance does not cover this allegedly!

Like Fiddler last week I did my pre Hash preparation which this week involved rounding on Shutup Wally who I had had the misfortune to follow up the road to the pub. He typifies everything I ever thought about Volvo drivers or in his case Vo drivers. Enough said I think!

The Hares introduction was brief but contained clues to the direction we might be taking and then we walked to the start which was novel. We were sent forth down the road which obviously wasn’t clear enough to some as on arriving at the second check (down the road), we were met by Caboose and Florence and others from up a footpath claiming to have been on flour all the way. Despite this being a bit of a clue Caboose still galloped off down into the river valley. Sure enough we returned down the footpath to where we had started (Another cunning plan gone wrong) where arrows pointed to the walkers in the distance. We now chased the walkers and short-cutters down into the valley where despite a valiant attempt at misdirection by Donut it was apparent the trail went left towards the Golf Club. A warning having been given to keep to the path and the flour! It had to be Hennerton as the next nearest Golf Club was miles the other side of the River.

Using all his experience and not a little speed Old Fart was now miles in the lead now being chased by the usual FRBs Centaur and Fiddler amongst others. Even with the open fields and landscape they were not making much progress as the next three checks were clearly leading us back to the woods and the re-group. A pleasant gathering ensued as we waited for the stragglers to join us and it was good to see GT back and in such good form slipping easily into the role usually carried out by the absent Billy Bullshit.

After a red faced and harassed Donut arrived we set off again only to be flummoxed by a bar check which led to much thrashing about in the undergrowth. Spot eventually pointed out the flour and we resumed onwards and upwards into the wood. Loudandtasteless had decided to dispense with his top at this stage which not a pleasant sight as clearly despite all those holidays he clearly doesn’t do tanning!

The pack was pretty much together now and typical of non drinking hares despite being nearly back at the pub a one dot check caused chaos as about eight trails went off from the intersection. Nappy rash eventually sussed it and we zoomed out to the road to see Cheating and Swallow! She has clearly been tainted by the “dark side” of hashing. Blouse Blazer was even back and changed!

It was still a lovely day and most settled in the Garden for a drink. Those who felt the cold gathered round Dutch using her sunburn from the previous days as a makeshift patio heater!

A word of thanks to Hash mash for his spread at the AGM. His portion control is significantly better than Jesus managed after the Sermon on the Mount where seven baskets of scraps were left over. Does that make him “The son of Bob?”

A thank you also to the one resigning member of the committee Dutch who has left the harassing of new men attendees to Donut. She told me she intends to concentrate on selling Socialist Worker in Broad Street on a Saturday and sorting out the recent haunting in her house which manifests itself as banging and moaning late at night from the direction of the party wall. A more prosaic answer than the supernatural may be the cause possibly!?

On On. Slowsucker.

Down Downs

RA Simple presented the following :-



Style points


His Birthday!

Not a bad effort from the old boy

CIAC, Heybabe

Randomly selected for no apparent reason!

Need to practice


Christened “Vertigo” despite several other suggestions.

I hope he returns. Being bullied by Simple probably re-awoke painful childhood memories!

Just Doug

Visitor and American

Beaten by beer that tasted of beer!

Blouse Blazer

Retains cross as not only did he not carry the cross on the trail, he didn’t run the trail – What a surprise!

He may be getting quite a bit of practice!

Up and Coming



Grid Reference




11 am*


The Round Oak
Padworth Common




11 am*


Help Guildford Hash celebrate their 21st at the National Shooting Centre Bisley GU24 0NY

GH3 Hares

* Watch this space a trail may be inside the Foot and Mouth exclusion zone and subject to change of venue!!