Jolly Swagmen

BlowJob Swallow Vlad Drac Spex Baldrick SlowSucker Tinopener Lilo Lil Cerberus BillyBullshit Foghorn Dutch Vertigo Motox C5 BlouseBlazer Spot Dumper Septic Anorak Trainspotter Cheating Cloggs Non- Stick Itsyor Fiddler Handful Hitch-hiker Centaur Old Dog Simple Dunny Zebedee Florence Ladybird Potty Nutty(NR) Snowballs Twanky Lemming Mother Cabin Buoy GT PQ Hey Babe CIAC Gary Matt Fudge the Dog Slackbladder Little Stiffy Michael Paula Liz

Waltzing Matilda

Good Day, you right mate! Roo dog here I thought I’d lob in to see you all in BH3 after my walkabout in France finished a bit early! I had a bit of Harry Lime before I headed back to the sheila indoors and I didn’t have a brass razoo anyway. Do you know how many euros those thieving frogs charge for grog? You lucky pommy bastards and that nong Jonny Wilkinson had paid off the referee and sent our Union lads out. Don’t you score tries? At least we were able to give a lift back to those whingeing drongos from New Zealand (What do you call 15 men watching the World Cup final on television? – The All Blacks!)

I spent ages finding this whoop whoop and when I finally parked up the Ute I was greeted by the sight of my old mate GT wearing his budgie smugglers. Strewth he better not crack a fat in those or we’ll all be gob smacked!

That galah Blouse Blazer called coo-ee to gather us around only for Itsyor to have a corking good attempt to run him over. There was nearly another bingle as he then tried to run the resident some time kiwi Baldrick over as well (The All Blacks are to be rebranded.From now on they will be known as the Rainbow Warriors – sunk by the French again!) My main reason for calling in was to crack onto that hornbag Donut before she comes out to see us sandgropers at Interhash. I’d received a furphy that she’d taken up with some FIGJAM called Hashgate and blimey it turns out he’s today’s hare plus a few other dags.No worries he can go piss up a rope when she gets back to that good Aussie loving down-under so to speak.I guess she’s still got the pash-rash from our last encounter! Anyway apparently there are 2 re-groups, short cuts and a car boot sale. He should pull his head in that guy and rack off! (Why do the All Blacks always have two to a hotel room on tour? So one can perform the Heimlich manoeuvre when the other one chokes!)

It was a bonza day as we set out and I was suffering from the start as I had had a few tinnys the night before and my mouth was as dry as a nun’s nasty. The usual suspects were soon in the lead though Centaur was struggling and was clearly zonked from being put through his paces by Old Dog! Talking of dogs there was a few bitzas today and you didn’t know whether to look for flour or watch out for barker’s eggs. That larrikin Billy Bullshit clearly has kangaroos loose in the top paddock as he added extra blobs of flour on the trail and on Spot and Lemmings head! Somebody gave him a gobful after one diversion into the corn! Most of us were flat out like a lizard drinking trying to keep up and inevitably when we arrived at the first regroup that piker Cheating was already there and the rootrat Blouse Blazer. (What’s the difference between an All Black and an arsonist? An arsonist wouldn’t waste five matches!)

From the regroup that ocker Foghorn knew the way and we followed across a ploughed field and up through a wood. It was a bit of a bush-bash at this stage until it all went wrong. C5 chucked a spazz when he discovered we’d run over a false and we fossicked around in the woods looking for the trail though this took ages and the walkers and front running(cheating)bastards were well gone by the time we got to the next regroup. I was getting a right earbashing from Cerberis about something and was pleased to see her off as I checked out wrong again.

You could tell people were getting cranky as we’d been wandering about for ever but the car boot sale appeared and the on inn and we were back. What did I think of the trail? Well the bush was beaut and there were no Joe Blakes to worry about but it was hard yakka! As for the trail Zebedee who was late as usual apparently told me it was the same trail as last year only backwards! Why do you need thousands of hares for that! Hashgate is clearly a bludger though Florence did say that the sheilas had looked after the walkers and short-cutters better as it is usually dark when they get back.

We all changed into our trackie dacks and thongs and went across the road to the boozer to hit the turps and have some cut lunch. The place was really going off! Good on ya for a good day and I intend to have a few stubbies and get full as a goog now.

I look forward to seeing all you shark biscuits in Perth where men are men and women brace themselves. And don’t forget bring some frangers with you as after enough amber nectar even the jillaroos are attractive! If you ask for durex things could get sticky…

Ref:www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2 Australian Slang

On On. Roo Dog:

Down Downs

That galah the RA Simple presented the following:-

Well initiated!

Up and Coming