Lost Souls

Centaur Foghorn OldDog Baldrick Hashgate DonutCerberus BillyBullshit Slowsucker ShutupWally and dog Bonnie Nappyrash PP and dog Barney Shitfor Vertigo Quack Lonely Cloggs NonStick Whinge Florence 2Bob Puddleduck Glittertits Desperate Caboose Cheating The Tremblers Dutch Hitchiker Spot Pissquick Mark Motox

A Flour-free Zone

“Where’s the beef?” Queried Walter Mondale famously in the 1984 spring primaries. BH³’s own version on viewing BGB’s trail was, “Where’s the flour?” This was actually a two-part question since a) there was hardly any flour and what there was was carefully hidden, and b) part of the trail was laid with sawdust! Never really found out what the sawdust idea was all about. Presumably, it was to make what few blobs there were even more difficult to find. It certainly worked. There was so little in the way of pointers that it led Lonely to proclaim that he was following leaves since they were the only plentiful items on the ground. I’ve included a picture of some flour so that BGB can recognise it in case he ever has the barefaced gall to lay another trail. Since he is the GM he should be like the crops – banned.

Centaur had got there almost as late as we had so we picked our way through the wet, stodgy, flour-free park after the Pack, finally catching up with Foghorn and Baldrick. It was interesting to note that the Hashers were already in rebellious mood with even good-natured (and attractively calved) Florence using a light touch of irony to query our Hare on whether she was heading in the right direction. One gained the impression that the elephants (“Not another bleedin’ mountain.”), labouring along with the over-enthusiastic Hannibal, probably exhibited the same sardonic stoicism with which we trundled blindly on.

We drifted on, now led by BGB who had realised that if the Hash was to end before dusk he needed to lead awhile. At least some flour had appeared and we blessed Swallow for sneaking down the odd blob while her mentor was looking the other way. No doubt she would have been soundly thrashed and sent to bed with no gruel had he found out. “More! You want to lay more flour you ungrateful urchin. You shall be sold on the morrow and good riddance you idle, good-for-nothing…” etc while Swallow stared up at the purple veins and apoplectic countenance, wringing the neck of her flour bag and wishing her sins had not found her out.

The Regroup finally appeared, even though Motox, Desperate and others had lost the plot in the woods just after we had caught up with the Short trailers and gone off in entirely the wrong direction. Surprisingly, it was Billy’s “On On” calls that helped us find our way and we barrelled down a thin snicket to the little path that ran across the end. When BGB turned up he fulminated that someone had rubbed out the two-way Check next to the Regroup. However, we found it difficult to believe thare had ever been one, particularly since the ‘RG’ was probably the smallest ever drawn. Font size 9, I believe.

After what seemed like a lot of uphill slogging, via both tarmac (of which there was plenty) and leafy alleys we popped out by Broadmoor. We suddenly realised that we were reversing the trail on which a number of us had gone horribly wrong last year and ended up running for about two hours. It seemed to some of us that we were fated to do the same again. Slowsucker lightened the mood as we lingered idly by a partially hidden Check opposite the forbidding, high brick wall. “If Wally catches us up,” he mused, “we could throw him back in.”

The rest of the ‘trail’ was an uneventful tarmac trot back to the rather nice pub. This being the same venue where we had been recorded by the Russian radio people.

So as BH³ totters dazedly to the end of the year we should perhaps look back briefly with a misty eye. We don’t do too badly do we? For ten squid a year we get a bunch of colourful characters to play with each week. What, perhaps, should some of the Hash members’ New Year resolutions be?

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

Today’s standin RA Glittertits is, of course, an old hand at this and he presented the following :-

I have a rival!

Up and Coming