Bog Standard Hashers

Iceman Honeymonster Ms Whiplash Swallow Donut Hashgate Posh Bomber Twanky Blowjob Dutch Spot BGB Baldrick Mrs Blobby Utopia Cerberus Nonstick Cloggs Shutupwally Fannybag Bogbrush OldFart Simple Katie Slowsucker Madam Cyn Motox Quack TT3 Zebedee Florence Harry Potter Alan Lilo Tinopener and dog Emma Lonely Dribbler Butterfly CabinBuoy Olivia Ben Itsyor Fiddler Grommet Dunny Rampant Rabbit Caboose Shitshoveller Penny Pitstop Hamlet Fukawe FannySniffer C5 C4 Mike Katrina Becky Nick Glittertits Pissquick Cheating Headlamp AWOL TomTom Compass Flash OldDog and walking wounded Billy Bullshit with dogs Molly and Libby

Fast and Loose…

It may have been a blue-skied, stunningly warm night but things did not presage well for the Trail. One of our Hares (Mr Blobby) had spent the last couple of the days with his bottom glued to a variety of lavs and seemed (from the furrowed brow and wincing expression) intent on continuing his peripatetic vigil. Not so much a case of ‘the bottom fell out of my world’ as ‘the world fell out of my bottom’. Harry, on the other hand, had recently completed an Olympic-length triathlon in an exceptionally fast time and was somewhat cattle-trucked (though this was hard to believe from the way he ran round with us). C5 and Zebedee too had been running a ½ marathon on Saturday and although C5 pulled in before Zebedee our Zeb had picked up a spot prize for coming in 100^th. This, he proudly showed us after the Hash, was the Otmore Challenge, Ted Ogden award. A splendid glass obelisk poked proudly up from a polished wooden square base. However, the design flaw was that the two were not actually attached – as Zeb found when he dropped the top off during the presentation. Fortunately, it landed in grass rather than shattering into a thousand shimmering splinters.

In contrast to our rather jaded athletes there were three Hashers tonight who flew round the early part of the Trail like greyhounds after a particurlarly succulent-looking bunny. Believe it or not, they were Pissquick, Utopia and Mrs Blobby! Since there was a Check at almost every corner the Pack would halt, Check It Out, then swoop off only to find the trio trotting along earnestly, well in front of everyone else. This was a bit of a surprise to the FRBs. But a pleasant one and they forbade to even hint that an element of prior knowledge may have helped the girls. Florence was so confused that she even kicked out a Check the wrong way right in front of our RA, Simple. Or perhaps she knew she would be thirsty later. Mind you, Simple was not encouraged by her blandishments and did not give her a Down Down later. Speaking of Simple, the poor chap has succumbed to male middle-aged crisis. He rolled up in the car park before the Hash on a huge ‘armchair-on-wheels’ motorbike with Katie behind him looking like two giant black bullfrogs with one big eye each. There was much roaring and ‘whuummffing’. But this was just when Simple was tring to disembark from the machine while wearing all that unwieldy protective kit. Also not acting their age were Donut and Swallow who loped across the rec. from the direction of the playground where they had been having a swing and playing with the other 16-year old girls who were ‘avin a fag and flashing their cleavages at the gangly youths who were hanging truculently from the climbing frame in a vain attempt to impress and appear grown-up but only succeeding in emphasising their few years on the planet and a simian ancestry.

Tonight’s Trail took us over just about every terrain. Field and tarmac. Forest and track. Some very dry and some very wet. And some very sneaky Back Checks through narrow woodland paths overhung with ferns and bracken. If this was what the Hares could provide given their fragile state we were glad they weren’t feeling to fresh/fit. We eventually fetched up at the Regroup and chatted and steamed in the oppressive forest heat. The Long/Short split was from here so the Long Trailers all decided to go off in entirely the wrong direction – which was more than a tad muddy. Having come back to the Regroup site where the Short Trailers lounged and tittered we all then thrashed off in the opposite direction – where there was even more mud and wetness. Twanky duly went for it and galumphed through the shiggy like a charging water buffalo. Most impressive. In fact, he impressed Iceman so much he too hurtled leg-first into a variety of fetid ponds, standing water and knee-deep pits of slime, emerging like a latter-day human Nessie, festooned with pondweed, ragwort and bladderwrack. Baldrick too was rattling along like the Flying Scotsman and it was suggested in the group behind him that he was in need of a dope test. How lucky it is that I cannot recall the Hasher who suggested Baldrick would never fail such a test…

So – how best to call the ‘On On’ when you find the Trail before anyone else? There are those who opt for the telepathic approach, our GM among them. But since it takes 10 minutes for any outside stimulus to penetrate the brain of the average Hasher this is not a good method. Iceman has it off pat, with a yodelling burst of sound that shakes nearby trees and waggles his epiglottis. Personally, I find that the addition of an ‘H’ as a prefix to the first ‘On’ opens the throat and considerably increases the projection. Though this does also add to the eardrum-stretching, penetrative effect, as Florence was quick to mention after she had strayed within my sound cone. Of course, there are those who point and giggle at these attempts to assist the back-markers. Such as Cloggs and Non-Stick, who found it side-splittingly amusing to season the start of all their calls with a salty ‘H’. Thus, shouts of ‘HHHare you?’ and ‘HHHFalse Trail’ and ‘HHHOn Back’ rang out through the woods, followed by paroxysms of maniacal laughter. Luckily, I managed to take a picture of Cloggs enjoying her joke and I enclose it here for your amusement.

We must thank our Hares for their efforts. Despite being mere husks (for their own special reasons) they laid an excellent trail which even Cheating followed on occasion.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA ‘Ogri’ Simple presented the following :-

He’s been training. (Har har)

Up and Coming