A Load of Lemmings and a few Mothers

Aqua, Mr Blobby, Cloggs, Doughnut, Dunny, Rampant Rabbit, Florence, Little Stiffy, OldDog, PP, Poshtart, Miss Whiplash, Salome, Spex, Newballsplease, Bomber, Bootsie, C5,Dorothy,Lilo, Lonely, Hitchhiker, GT, Simple, Skidmarks, Poison Ivy, Swallow, Turdtreader, Whinge, Tarmac Cuddler , Shitshoveller, Penny Pitstop, Potty ,Nutty, Twanky, Tinopener, Spot, Slackbladder, Shandyman, Onehunglow, Oldballs, Nonstick, Motox, L&T, Iceman, Foghorn, Flash, Dumper, CL, Caboose, Fukawe, Hamlet, Nappyrash, Messenger Boy and his clan

Spectacular Loss

………And for once not on the stock market! It happened in the stream. One moment you’re going along the trail happily, glasses intact, and the next you can’t see and they’re nowhere to be seen. This was Messenger Boy’s nephew’s plight. As a dutiful hare, Mother got into the freezing stream right up to her eyeballs and tried to find the things while the rest of the party shouted “useful” instructions from the bank. However, the spectacles were lost for ever. Mother had lost the plot too. The cold had addled her brain so much she had no idea which way to go – much like the rest of us then!

The “cleverly” laid trail often had “F”s on the right route which served to keep the pack together as did the bar 7s. Simple was heard complaining bitterly that a one-blob check had 2 blobs and a false but Lemming’s hash stuck rigidly to the first rule of hashing – there are no rules.

Content to be near the back of the pack with my arm in plaster, I was suddenly joined from the left by Dumper who, hard to believe, had been checking it out. He made a dramatic entrance by thrashing enthusiastically into a stream and was instantly followed by Mr Blobby. Much to our amusement, it was deeper than either had bargained for. Mr B continued knee-deep in the water in order to overtake us all but got his ear skewered by a tree branch just after he got out and turned to gloat. The result was a bloody mess but he went on front-running – what a ‘earo!

Needlessly following everyone else to the top of a hill just to come down it again when Lemming altered the flour, I noticed a lot of people (non-hashers!) searching for something in the woods. There was much speculation as to what they were doing. Some suggested they were hunting for mushrooms or truffles or perhaps even buried treasure. But I knew what is was - I’ve seen those frenzied looks before – someone must have lost a contact lens! I hope they had more luck than Mother on her spectacle hunt.

I must mention a couple of things about bags here. Lemming told me that when he and Mother laid the trail on Saturday afternoon, Mother had taken a pretty pink handbag out with her – well, a girl has to keep up appearances even when walking in the woods. She got caught short and left Lemming gaily holding the bag - not an image he was keen to maintain! He prayed that no tough Tadley-types were out walking their rottweilers (Old Dog?) in Pamber Forest that afternoon. On the hash itself Mother and Lemming sported matching flour bags. These had the sides turned down to form a neat cuff all around and allowed easy access to the flour. Forget plastic milk bottles, these bags are the must-have accessory for all hares!

At an information point in the woods I picked up a leaflet which I hoped would help me find my way back to the pub if Lemming wouldn’t. One point of interest it mentioned was the “donkey tree” which was a little further on. “This oak tree is one of the oldest in the Forest at more than 300 years old.” (Older than Old Fart, Motox and Dumper combined!) “It is said locally that a man once hung his donkey from this tree when it refused to go any further.” Whingeing hashers beware!

The trail went straight on and on and, although Lemming tried to confuse us, we were soon back to the pub with plenty of time to indulge in the very good beer and Nappyrash’s birthday cake.

Thank you for the trail, hares, but where were the starburst checks??! On on Flo

Down Downs

GT presented the following :-

Not very ladylike

Practice makes perfect

None. Cycle helmets aren’t stylish

Receding Hareline

OH3 500th & HASH CAMRA'08

Sunday 7th December 2008

Meet 10:40 for 11:00 hrs

Snells Hall, Church Street, East Hendred,OX12 8LA OS: SU707803

£5.00 for event+food+one beer* then

Beer £1/pint, Vino £1/glass, Soft 50p/glass

Choice of 3 Trails -

approx 4m, 6m and 8m

(*or Wine or 2xSoft)

Secure your place by paying your £5 for food and drink to Flo asap