Run Number:

1641 4/5/09

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Royal Berkshire Club, Bracknell


Helen, Honey, TA, Wally


Itsyor Twanky Cheating Lonely Baldrick Cerberus Billy Bullshit JWax Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Utopia Slowsucker Tinopener Lilo Gnomealone Spotless Iceman C5 Motox Blowjob BGB TT1 TT3 Dumper Septic Glittertits PQ Gaffertits Hamlet Witch Woman Loud n Tasteless Bog Bag Fanny Brush Max Angie Messenger Boy Shitshoveller Penelope Pitstop Soreskin Crop Circle Jake + sister Cloggs Non Stick Hamlet


Head Boy Head Girl Fuckawe Cynthia Payneful Bodyshop Mouth Organ Simple Bit Mac Growler G Force Ferrett Karen Bodyslob Rusty Balls Monster Raving + 3-4 young defectors


Helen, Honeymonster, TA, Wally now Wonder


Ms Whiplash Salome Scarlet Pimpernel Roz Adrian C4

The Hash of the Year(The Where We Were)

B(Brave Lads)H3 – 4 G(German)H3 - 2

The worst hash ever last week(source DS) was eclipsed by the best held at the Royal Berkshire Club.

The glory days of the 1966 World Cup Final were relived when GH3 failed to perform like ve know they can.

Both sides gathered in the tunnel with the German captain G Force issuing threats to BH3 and her own side.

The Wembley Forest stadium was heaving and after captain Bobby (Slowsucker) Moore had barked orders at the Referee and Linesman the match kicked off.

The Brave lads were the first to show with BM leading the way upfield. The pitch had a few puddles but both sides avoided them as they climbed the slope of a badly laid pitch.

Soon GH3 led by Lyn (Helmet) Haller had caught BH3 as the top athletes hit a bar check and she/he slotted in the first goal against the run of play.

But the Germans were soon fooled by spectators in Caesars Camp who distracted them long enough for our Brave Lads to score the next goal.

A cunningly disguised move led the Germans out into the open and they failed to see Geoff (C5 – for it was he ) Hurst pick their pocket round the corner.

GH3 kicked off again but were undone once more when Cerberus led them a merry dance down down one of many falsies and BH3 nearly scored again..

One German frau Karen was wearing too many clothes and despite overtures from the bench refused to show her(probably hairy) legs.

At this point 2 of the BH3 left the field of play and headed straight off towards the changing rooms – ignoring F after F from their vice captain Jackie(Dumper)Charlton. These 2 - Nobby(Morribaby) Stiles and George(Cheating) Cohen were told by Iris(Chieftan) Tank that they would never play again!

Half time with BH3 having oranges and the Gs sourkraut.

A dirty plan had been devised by Helmet(Mouth Organ) Schon

GH3 came out with whistles and this caused the ref Gottfried (Honeymonster) Dienst many problems as they blew them every time BH3 were in an attacking position.

This did not stop the clever Martin(Blobby) Peters ghosting in to score another goal.

But GH3 were not beaten yet, Wolfgang(Monster Raving) Weber slid in following a free kick and it was 2-2.

Now our brave lads regrouped seeing an RG on the ground which obviously stood for Rotten Germans and C5 was there to hit a thunderous shot against a bar check.

The Germans fixed bayonets and complained but the resolute Witchita linesman Tofik (Wally) Bakhramov gave the goal.

GH3 were now tiring as they meandered around the Wembley Forest with all its secret paths.

The final goal sent the Germans back to their Farterland – our brave lads said “it is all over” as GH3 replied “it is now” because they wanted to get home to bed by 8 o’clock.

They refused to wait around for the awards ceremony and only 2 were left to receive their LOSER medals.

Uwe (Bodyslob) Seeler made an attempt to give beers to our team but with only Willi (Rusty Balls) Schulz left it was a sorry sight.

GT (The Queen) presented the medals

She praised the ref Honeymonster on handling the game, Linesman Wally for giving the said goal(now to be known as Wonder Wally and the other linesman Helen of Troy for being a woman.

Boris(Max) Johnston and his wife Angie were presented with medals for their services to the war effort.

All was now quiet on the battle front except for the Commander in Chief Suzi McCourt who chased both sides out and into no mans land and whispered

Don’t mention the war” – “ I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it!”

ON ON C5 – as Hashgate didn’t say he wouldn’t be here

Down Downs




Witch Woman

agreeing to use her bum for husband’s bike



he lost weight now he is too thin


Soreskin, Penelope Pitstop. Messenger Boy

50 caps



800 caps


Helen Honey Waly

Hares – TA had to go to rally his Ghurkas


Receding Hareline

1643 18th May SU556620 Ship Inn Asford Hill Thatcham Spotless

1644 25th May See 27th July Rabbits and hares

Track success for 'trolley wally'


Wally's trolley stunt raised £500 for charity

An eccentric engineer tagged the "wally in trolley" has successfully raced his wacky machine in the Bracknell Forest in Berkshire