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The Round Oak
Padworth Common


Mr Blobby, C5

The Tired, the Confused

Slackbladder Little Stiffy Donut Hashgate Greensleeves Hamlet Billy Bullshit Cerberus Shitfor Desperate Turdtreader Ms Whiplash Salome Skids Simple Potty Nutty Snowballs Dwight Julia Scoot Toby Pissquick Glittertits Poca Hitchhiker Foghorn Spot Flash Rainbow Warrior Mrs Blobby Monica (renamed Fishnet) Shandyman Dunny Rampant Rabbit Shitshoveller Penny Pitstop Ben Spex Dribbler Butterfly Fannybag Bogbrush Old Fart Dumper (Septic later ) Chelsea Megan C4 Diver Hannah Nappyrash Cheating TT2 Lilo and dog Emma Tinopener Motox Florence Zebedee Twanky Itsyor Fiddler Alex Stripper Tracy Messenger Boy and dog named ???? Sharm Aqua Odd(Old?)Balls Lonely TomTom Compass

Not Short Was It?

First, let’s give a big congratulations to C4 and C5 for recently celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary. Quite how Sue has put up with Dave for that long is another story. It’s said that love is blind isn’t it? Quite an amusing story attached to this. C5 was determined to buy (and did) a really nice ring for his lady and sensibly enlisted the help of Mrs Blobby, him being a bloke and lacking in any knowledge of What Women Want. Having bought the thing C5 decided to hide it until the day and informed Mrs Blobby that he would conceal it in his sock drawer. Time passed. Mrs Blobby received a phone call. “Where did I say I’d hide the ring?” Queried the poor sap. Mrs Blobby spoke clearly and loudly to say that it was in his sock drawer. “Ooer.” Came the reply. “I’ve got lots of sock drawers.” He found it in the end… of one of his socks. Good luck, Sue. Only another twenty five years or so to go :-)

Since Slowsucker, His Eminence our GM, was not in-house this evening Dumper led the Circle, introducing a number of virgins and surrounded by small children. His grandchildren and Dwight and Julia’s brood. It was almost like a Michael Jackson tribute except Dumper wasn’t wearing a glove, has a bigger nose and didn’t grab his crotch (I’m very glad to say). Well, very much.

Our hares Mr Blobby and C5 seemed to have taken a leaf out of Skid’s and Simple’s book of Trail Laying and had evidently smoked, snorted, inhaled, ingested, drank and injected every known stimulant in the medical dictionary. Surprising there was any flour on the Trail really. You would have thought they might have snorted that too. That brings up a vivid mental picture of the two of them plunging their faces into the two pound flour bags, sniffing mightily, then emerging white-faced and blinking alarmingly before breaking into a snowstorm of sneezing. You must try that one lads. It would amuse the crowd! What amused us on the night was the twisting of the Trail through scratchy furze and brambles with Bar Checks and dives off into the dense undergrowth where one would think a Trail would ne’er go. I followed Fannybag into one of these scratchy, clothes-grabbing apparent no-entries. “Hmm.” She mused, attempting to disentangle herself from yet another set of clawing spikes. “Must remember to bring my secateurs next week.”

There was a lot of this stuff and darn confusing it was. Especially for C5. For instance, we hurtled up a narrow track, following him since we had got a tad lost. He stopped. He turned. “We’ve come too far.” He grinned lopsidedly, trotting back down the hill. And a little later, “Errm… it’s in there somewhere.” Confidence is a wonderful thing isn’t it?

Up hills. Down Hills. Forwards. Backwards. Sideways. Dry ground. Shiggy. And mainly through thickly wooded places where hidden (and probably uncatalogued) creatures stared silently as we stumbled past. We dropped into a ditch in the deep dark forest not immediately realising that it was a mite steep getting out the other side. Fortunately for us Greensleeves and TT2 were helping to drag struggling, desperate, slack-mouthed Hashers up the vertical, slippery mud bank. It occurred to me that it was the probably a long time since either of these two had pulled.

There came a point (about 8 miles or so it was) when we started to despair of ever seeing other human life again. This feeling was reinforced when we meet Motox, who was administering the Beer Stop. A small crowd of ponies pushed and shoved the other side of a fence to see what all the fuss was about and Rainbow Warrior wandered over and began pulling up handfuls of grass for them to eat. The fact that there was a meadow bursting with lush green sward wherein the group had been clopping about didn’t seem to register in either the equine or human brains. Still, the grass is always greener…

Since the light was beginning to fade and it was 8:45 the Hares hurried us on for the next (seemingly) few miles through the darkening forest. We still managed to get lost on several occasions, no doubt due to lack of observation rather than inadequacy of the Trail. While coming to a rapid, skidding stop on finding we were heading down a near vertical slope towards a torpid lake Glittertits and Poca came upon a geological oddity. This was possibly the first ever sighting of that rare formation, thrown up no doubt in a era when the earth was young and in flux, strange creatures roamed the cooling rocks and man (ok and woman) was still sucking air over gills and paddling about in the protozoic slime. Yes, it was a Three Way Check! This ancient trifurcation pointed mainly uphill, the way we had just come. C5 viewed this extraordinary sight with a mixture of confusion and desperation, then called ‘On On’ away from the frightening object for yet another gasping yomp through the forest. It was all too much for Greensleeves who failed to pick up a foot far enough, caught the top of a miniscule protruding sapling and hurled himself in a supplicant manner at the RA’s feet. Glittertits grinned widely and thanked him for helping out with the Down Down recipient selection.

Only another ½ a mile or so finally saw us back to the pub and a shivering band of Walkers who had returned half an hour previously… without the car keys.

Many thanks Mr Blobby and C5. An awesome Trail and one which will stay in the memory for some time to come.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Glittertits, wearing a natty head torch so that no-one could see his face, presented the following :-



Style points

Tracy, Hannah


Damn fine! Hannah got there first


Lost property – a small dog!

Rambled on about golf before slurping


Tonight’s Hash Crash

Bottled the last ¼ and shampoo’d


Pirouetting before Crashing



His birthday

A somewhat subdued performance


Renamed Fishnet since she was wearing leg warmers on the Hash

Pissquick was very liberal with the flour on Fishnet’s lovely hair…


Running too far and too long

Nicely done, lad

Mr Blobby, C5

Tonight’s Hares

A fast dead-heat. Nice one!

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






The Turner’s Arms, West End Rd
Mortimer Common RG7 3TW





The Chequers, Eversley Cross
RG27 0NS

Old Fart, Itsyor

The Great Clarendon Full/Half/Relay Marathon

Sunday 4th October – Ram appeared in one of his rare forays with BH3 to drum up support for these events. He almost managed to con Greensleeves into it. If you want more information see Enjoy!