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The Elvetham
Hartley Wintney


Shutup Wally, Full Frontal


Robin Sue Donut Hashgate Glittertits Pissquick Poca OldDog Zebedee Florence C5 Motox Lemming Mother Theresa Trembler Cheating Ms Whiplash Salome Iceman Nick Ben Tim Handful TinOpener Lilo and dog Emma Aqua Oddballs BGB Vicky and a whole bunch of NH3

The Reverse Of What We Expected

Wally had evidently wished to revisit the scene of his stunning success with Hash 1608, run on the 14th September last year. The same venue, the same Hares (albeit with the added value of Full Frontal – Helen to those of you who haven’t picked up on her handle), the same Trail. Well, almost. It was the same Trail but we ran it backwards. Though perhaps I should explain for the hard of thinking that we didn’t face backwards, just that the route was the reverse of last year. Along for the ride this time was a bevy of North Hants Hashers, one of whom was a large but rather clumsy alsation. More of him later. Donut had swelled our ranks with her dad Robin and wife Sue who, unlike the other 8(!) members of her family who wimped out on this glorious autumn day, braved the sight of C5 in a ra-ra skirt and bra top. He was not actually the only Hasher wearing this stunning outfit. Both Zebedee and Florence also sported the red, green and yellow checked confections and you can guess who my money was on for the most attractive! You can make your own minds up from the pictures. All three had taken part in the Marathon du Médoc last week, running through the lands of thirty chateaux where eating and drinking were actively encouraged en route and the fancy dress included the Village People and a bedraggled, half-cut Jesus. Curious – sounds just like a Hash.

After a brief introductory Circle we burst off through an arch in the wall and all ran off to a large compost heap. Mainly due to the fact that no-one was concentrating or indeed following flour. It took a couple of minutes to sort out before we got back on track, and this was where the damn dog came into its own. Dogs are highly imitative in a pack situation and since our Pack was running about rapidly and completely without purpose our hairy friend decided to do so too. Which is why Nettles, an NH3 Hasher, tripped over the damn thing as it raced across his path and crashed to the grass with a mighty thump. Of course, seeing he was ok, we laughed like drains and took the mickey big time. But one should never laugh at other’s misfortunes should one? Only a couple of miles out into the forest I was steaming back from running down a field with absolutely no flour in it when the bear-like creature bounded right in front of me and caused yet another pratfall that was so amusing to the onlookers. Talking to another BH3 Hasher it seems that the bugger has quite a thing about tripping people up. Unfortunately, the last person he did it to broke two ribs…

The early part of the Trail went by at quite a rush, only slowed slightly by a Check on a narrow road where lay a poor dead creature. Looking for any kind of rest after the harrowing speed trial across several fields I approached it. The coat was unmarked, the eye was clear but the resident had left the building. It was as limp as the contents of Glittertits trousers after a night on the beer. At first sight the little chap (no; we’ve moved away from the trouser contents bit now) resembled a slightly larger agouti but it seems it was probably (according to Donut’s dad Robin, a well-known animal enthusiast and exotic fish stuffer) a young fallow deer. Well, I couldn’t leave the beautiful creature by the side of the road so I picked it up and laid it carefully inside the field, which was where Motox and Ms Whiplash were standing. “If I had my axe.” Mused Motox in full-on fieldcraft mode. “The legs would come in useful. More meat on the legs, you see. Not much on the rest.” Ms Whiplash, strong woman that she is, blanched a tad at the thought of Motox approaching the defenceless animal with a raised axe and screeching, “Heeeer’s Motox!” á la Jack Nicholson. Just as well he’s a big pussycat really, with an interesting sense of humour.

Now who should we bump into in the wood but 2Bob out walking his dog and son Puddleduck and friend on trail bikes checking out the route for a race in a couple of week’s time. Amazing coincidence and very nice to see them. Puddleduck is now seven feet tall and as broad as a house and 2Bob is currently running training with PartyAnimal who has entered the Marathon des Sables! Hashers don’t get more sensible as they get older do they?

It wasn’t long after this that we had our official Regroup (we had held an unofficial one a little earlier) where Glittertits, Poca and I learned the interesting fact that Oddballs is rather interested in the wearing of rubber pants (not that he necessarily does it). This nugget of information glistened among the dross of a rather depressing conversation we were having about the possible necessity of wearing the things overnight as one entered one’s dotage. Though there was a view that there was probably no need to bother since it would all have dried out by the morning anyway. Amazing what you talk about on the Hash isn’t it? Like GT and Iceman, just after the Regroup, expertly discussing the relevant merits aand effectiveness of using petrol and plastic explosive…

Luckily it was not much but a sweaty step away from Elvetham Hall and once past a lovely-looking but extremely smelly herd of shiny black heffers we entered the beautifully manicured grounds, swept past the magnificently sculpted yew tree avenue and staggered gratefully back to the cars, another enjoyable Trail completed. Thanks Hares.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

Since we had to go elsewhere Florence very kindly recorded the Down Downs. Here they are:-

The NH3 GM, No Entry acted as RA in the garden of The Cricketers.


The down-downs drinks were half-pints (more or less, mostly less!)  of beer.


1. The hares Wally and Helen (known as Dun Nuthin by BH3 and Full Frontal by NH3). Wally was beaten by his woman. The other hare, Honeymonster had retired hurt.


2. Cheating - awarded for "racing". Didn't touch the sides.


3. Silvier Fox - don't know why. Perhaps for arranging a run with Wally as he's the NH3 hare raiser.


4. The Medoc marathoners C5, Zeb and Flo still in their marathon outfits. They would have preferred a nice glass of red.


5. Quiet,young bloke with glasses from NH3 for wearing an inappropriate t shirt - I think it said " a bridge too far" and he had waded across a stream.


6. Older chap from NH3 with big glasses who asked Zeb for a date. He got a drink for getting very lost.


After the down-down C5 presented Handful with red wine,chocs and a carafe to thank her for making the excellent Medoc costumes.He made sure he got a kiss and so did Zeb.

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






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Nr. Newbury RG20 8BN

Penny Pitstop