Exhausted Masses

The Tremblers Donut Hashgate Harry Potter C5 C4 Mel Charlie and baby Jess Motox Lonely Caboose Dunny Rampant Rabbit Flash Rainbow Warrior Swallow Slowsucker Hitchhiker Spot Glittertits TT2 Zebedee Florence Pissquick Potty Snowballs Foghorn Blowjob Dave Fannybag Bogbrush Iceman Cerberus Whinge TC Shitshoveller Penny Pitstop Diver Simon and Barney the dog Salome Ms Whiplash Anorak Anna Trainspotter Leekie Willie Murphy Honeymonster Tinopener Slippery Dick Bomber Posh Lemming Mother Theresa JWax Baldrick SkinnyDipper Gnomealone MessengerBoy with dog Lucy

One Upmanship

Aptly named, this piece. NappyRash and Heavy Petting had decided to outdo Donut and my fairly long Trail with one that was not only even longer but downright sneaky. They had been dead lucky with the weather. The earlier drenching greyness had rolled back to give us a beautiful sunny morning tinged with a fresh breeze which goose-pimpled a few of the be-shorted, more hardy Hashers. Sensible people wore longer leg-coverings. Like Iceman, who has decreed it is now winter and wears appropriate track suit bottoms. It also keeps some of the shiggy off one’s delicate Hibernian skin.

Since I should have been flying to a warmer part of the globe today and had met our Hares for a few beakers a week or so ago when they told me the route I should have done the clever thing and stayed in the car park. Had Lonely known too he could have saved himself a jog from his homestead by the river. Essentially, we went down to the river, a fair long way down it, then came back to the car park! Like I said, pretty sneaky. In some ways this validated NappyRash’s call last week for Nintendo Wii Hashing where one could Hash in the comfort of one’s warm, dry lounge, stop occasionally for a bit of TV and a tea; maybe a blood pressure check;possibly a round or two of virtual golf, then return to the Trail. After which one could award oneself a Down Down or two and not have to drive home.

As it was we stonked down to the river, zoomed past Lonely’s and enjoyed the almost mandatory Bar-9 before chest-heaving all the way back to the weir. An almost deafening amount of water was roaring over this and it made a striking sight. Though not quite as striking as the one we saw when we got to the other side. A well-dressed gent was strolling towards us wearing a large-brimmed hat on his head and a grey-green parrot on his shoulder. It’s not something you expect and Dave and I were duly taken aback. At least the gent did not have one leg, a crutch, an eye-patch and a penchant for cabin boys. The feathered friend similarly seemed well-mannered and did not screech, “Pieces of eight!” or “Who’s a pretty boy then!” at us. Interestingly (or maybe not), the last person I saw with a parrot on his shoulder was a drunken, dark silk-shirted barman at a real ale pub on the top of Harrow-on-the-Hill in the mid-70s. The bloke was serving one drink for the punters and one for himself and staggered about behind the bar while parrot grinned beakily and crapped all down his back. Happy days. The other strange birds we saw were four black swans who swooped down and landed in the river with their splashing big feet as Slowsucker emerged from under the bridge. Either they were impressed with his running style or they figured he had a bag o’ bread hidden about his person. They were obviously confused about both possibilities but were beautiful creatures nevertheless.

Since we are now at the point where we met the grinning co-Hare Heavy Petting back in the car park perhaps I’d better explain the origin of her new Hash Handle. Her previous cognomen, Penis Puller, had come about some time ago when she was seen lifting, then pushing Barney the dog through a stile and her hand became entangled in a certain part of his anatomy. Well, Barney is a little older and bigger these days but she still has to heave him over gates and stiles. Thus, Heavy Petting seemed appropriate. And it’s a lot nicer. Ok, a bit nicer. :-) Her husband NappyRash said he didn’t mind either name and was just hoping that one day he might be allowed to experience either activity…

And then the long series of uphill drags, on and off-road, towards Bugs’ Bottom, more properly known as Hemdean Bottom. As we entered this beautiful valley I mentioned to Caboose that I thought this was probably where we were. To which he replied, “Was that because you read that dirty great sign we just passed Hashgate?” You can see just how knackered we were getting. No-one had the faintest idea where we were going and Hashers spread across both side of the valley in a vain attempt to find flour. Finally, Bomber and Slowsucker found a blob, heading up the steepest and slipperiest part of the hill. Having reached the top Bomber let out an extraordinary series of yodels and Hashers began to converge, variously staggering and slipping up the thing to fall to their knees at the summit and desperately try to suck in some oxygen. And then we were off again, sliding across the back of the hill towards a small road known as Gravel Hill that is probably even steeper. Dunny, C5, Anna and Bomber somehow trapped themselves on top of the bank that edged the road and Anna decided the best way down was to jump to base of it. Bad move. She ended up flat on her back as her shoes skidded on the J-shaped shiggy. Fearfully amusing once we realised she was ok.

The rest of the Trail was a trek across to the Woodcote Road, where we enjoyed the sight of Foghorn almost slipping over as he trod on a mighty dog turd, down towards Caversham, then off right to the Regroup where NappyRash informed us that the Trail split into a Long and Short! How much longer could you get? Those of us with any brain cells left took the Short and I followed TC who knows this area well – she was once running in this area and ran into a gent dressed all in black carrying a shotgun. She puts her improved sprinting prowess down to this encounter. A long trek round The Warren, by the river, finally saw us back into Caversham. I must congratulate Honeymonster on his running ability. He beasted past a number of us and disappeared rapidly in the direction of the pub like his bottom was on fire. So did we when we got to the high street! It was getting a tad nippy.

Many thanks NappyRash and HP. Just got to get rid of the sore legs. On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA C5 presented the following :-

Two suckers with a surprisingly fast action

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