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The White Horse
Emmer Green


Heavy Petting, Nappy Rash

Caversham Parkers

Posh Bomber Donut Hashgate TinOpener Lilo and dog Minx Ms Whiplash Foghorn Dragon Lady Flash Rainbow Warrior Zebedee Florence TT2 Itsyor LoudonTasteless Full frontal Dunny Rampant Rabbit Penny Piststop Skinny Dipper Fannybag Bogbrush Slowsucker Swallow Twanky Septic Dumper Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Dribbler Butterfly Motox Helen Emily Lynne Cheating Desperate Cerberus Billy Bullshit NoSoul Slapper Caboose C5 Harry Potter Baldrick JWax Bootsie

Much Shorter Than Last Time

Cerberus fixed Cheating with a gimlet eye and stood in front of his car in a determined pose. The lad had tried to drive in to the completely full car park in a typically bolshy move. But La Cerb was having none of it. As Cheating remonstrated with his Nemesis her husband Billy Bullshit folded his arms and leaned back with a knowing smirk on his face. The poor dweeb’s had years of this and he knew the chances of Cheating getting his own way were slimmer than a starving dachshund. And so it proved to be. After the usual bluster his surging balloon of confidence fizzled limply and he sheepishly reversed. Only to turn right and scream down a no entry in a fit of testosterone defiance. Wonderful stuff. Cerberus allowed herself a brief, satisfied grin – which was exactly the opposite expression of Billy as he realised he was back in the frame.

Now HP had informed us at the Circle that this Trail was to be nowhere near as long as her and NP’s last which stretched not only the legs but the patience of even the most determined Hasher. So we set off past the gaspipe road works with a light heart and an even lighter head as we breathed in the gas that was seeping in invisible clouds from the fractured mains. The North Sea was never so smelly. It got a bit more surreal as we dog-legged back through the rec. A crowd of girly teenagers hung about on the playground trying to be grown up but failing dismally since they were... hanging about in the playground. Mind you their good-natured, ribald cheers as our gaggle of aged slackers creaked and limped by were a tad embarrassing. But fully earned. Rainbow Warrior, though, enjoyed their approbation. “Coo. Like your hair!” They exclaimed. Curiously, I had a similar experience coming out of work this evening. Striding purposefully and in a business-like manner along the pavement I became aware of a car full of girls in their early twenties with one of them blowing me kisses from the back seat. I’m sure both RW and I enjoyed the unexpected compliments. But probably in different ways.

After a fair old bit of tarmac we hit some woodland. Literally, in one case. Unused to the uneven terrain or possibly confused by the green colour TT2 Hash Crashed spectacularly, covering one side of himself with dust, wood shavings and worm casts. Really quite impressive and thoroughly enjoyed by those of us who witnessed the event. What a polite fellow he is. Hardly a ‘pish’ or a ‘tush’ excaped his lips. I think I heard a sotto voce ‘whoops!’ Zebedee, Dunny, Rampant, C5 and I uttered a few ‘whoops’ noises when we found four blobs and nothing else. Nappy Rash swore blind he had laid an ‘F’ but we were jiggered of we could find it. He later blamed the alphabetic omission on hungry squirrels! Amazing the sheer brass neck of the fellow. Hardly batted an eyelid when he told me. The one really good thing about it was that we all got to enjoy the sight of Billy hurtling off miles away down one side of the valley, across the bottom and up the other side. Our hearts soared as we On Backed towards the real Trail...

... and a lot more tarmac. By the time we reached HP who was standing languidly by an arrow that pointed (you guessed it) further along the tarmac we were almost completely knackered. We were to see her again later. By the same spot. A long loop led out and back along an ankle-chewing, flinty track before apparently turning right up a steep trail. Caboose, Whinge and I were following Twanky and Baldrick who were, in turn, following C5, Billy and Rampant. Now at the bottom of that hill we had watched Cheating wandering up the path that led up the steep field on the other side. What else could we have done but go in the opposite direction? Just a pity that it turned out to be a Bar-9. As Twwanky and I gasped up behind her Bootsie seemed to find it rather funny. I didn’t even have the breath to offer a withering riposte. We staggered up the hill, through a narrow path by a fence... and bumped into Heavy Petting again who was living wholeheartedly up to her name. She had by the collar a huge and incredibly daft basset hound who was desperate to rush into the snicket which was still full of onrushing Hashers. While HP tugged manfully at him his front paws curled underneath him and his back paws scrabbled the ground. It was wonderful to watch.

Although we were now turning for home people were beginning to struggle with exhaustion. None more so than the hallucinating Bomber who decided to run straight up a big green hill from a Check even though most everybody else had gone the other way. Curiously, the only other person who followed him was Foghorn, of all people. Strange how it gets to some people isn’t it?

After an odd conversation between Donut, C5 and myself about his requirement for a pair of handcuffs we trolled over a couple of green hills far away and a couple of tarmac ones before being joined Ifinally) by Itsyor who was trying to pretend that he had arrived late and run like the clappers to catch up with us. A swift circuit of the duck pond with Caboose saw us all amazed as Flash streamed in to the pub car park like a greyhound in front of mongrels Zebedee and TT2.

This was certainly a very enjoyable traipse through the country interspersed by a reasonable amount of tarmac that was necessary to get us there. Personally, I couldn’t have been happier. The pub was just 5 minutes from home! Hurrah.

Thanks NP and HP.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA C5 presented the following :-



Style points

Emily, Lynne,

Tonight’s virgins

Well really not too bad. Nice to see ‘em.


Heavy Petting, Lilo

Their birthdays

Happy birthday! Where did HP put that pint!?


Sending Cheating off with a flea in his ear

A very well earned ½

Billy Bullshit

Going well off-Trail

Smoothly done


Going up that hill

As fast as he ran!


Sniggering at Florence’s falsetto ‘On On’.

Only stuttered a bit


Advising the RA he fancied a bit of flour on the side. He got some in the beer!

Oh, well done sir!

Heavy Petting,
Nappy Rash

Tonight’s Hares

HP’s second pint downed just as smoothly as the first!

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






The Horse & Groom
The Street
Mortimer RG7 3RD


Run 04

04:40 a.m.


Longest Day – Light breakfast.
Bring a drink
Bucklebury Common





* Longest Day Hash *
Fox Country Inn
Ibstone HP14 3XT
Park on road next to pub