Hot and Panting

Motox Shitfor Desperate Whinge TC Iceman MS Whiplash Honeymonster Rory Duncan Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Dumper Utopia Slackbladder Little Stiffy Lynne Emily Helen Spex Diver NappyRash Heavy Petting Tinopener Lilo and dog Minx Baldrick OldFart Itsyor PennyPitstop Slapper NoSole Fannybag Bogbrush CabinBuoy Flash Rainbow Warrior AWOL Cheating Harry Potter Stiffy 2Bob and dog Lucy Woodentop Dorothy Paul FannySniffer and friend BGB TT2 Lonely

The Tale of the Hares

It was hotter than a wrestler’s armpit as Donut and I laid the Trail. The heat shimmered off the rock-hard, parched ground. Kites flapped listlessly, floating high up in the arid air, uttering occasional piercing whistles which, translated, meant, “So just how far is it to the frickin’ river?’ The dry grass in the fields shimmered and the waterless stalks of stiff wheat rubbed lightly together like so many serried cicadas. You get the picture. It was hot. Which explains why most of the Checks were One-Blob. Simply didn’t have the energy to go and lay Falses all over the place. Still, we managed a Bar-2 and a Bar-5, a couple of 2-way Checks and a minor innovation: a 3-Way Check. Plus a couple of Long Trail loops just so the FRBs could see even more of that beautiful countryside. Mr Blobby was a mite miffed at that Back Check by the church that utilised a flour blob coming back from the Check that he and his companions had already gone out on. Sorry ‘bout that but, as we explained afterwards, there are no rules...

Today’s picture shows the kind of terrain and heat we laid the Trail in today.

We were very pleased at the number of people who turned up. Not least the landlord! A couple of weeks after we had booked the pub Whinge mentioned that he thought it had changed hands and when we checked we found it had, and the short-lived landlord had not passed on details of the event to the new one. Very helpful. Still, the new chap was pretty eager and even put on a new barrel of beer for us after we finished laying the Trail.

Now laying a Trail is two things: 1) even more fun sometimes than running the Hash and, 2) fairly hard work. After all, you have to lay all the Bars and Falses, then run the whole Trail again during the actual Hash and,as you know, Berkshire doesn’t hang about so if you’re at the bottom of the hill by the 2-Way Check waiting for Bogbrush and friends to find the False a quarter of a mile away up another hill you know you’re going to have to run like the clappers to catch up with the Pack to make sure they enjoy the Bar-2. While breathlessly doing this I came up next to Honeymonster who had made a terrible sartorial mistake. He was wearing a bright yellow top. What likes bright yellow in sunlit fields near a herd of youthful cows? That’s right. Clouds of small black flies. They mistook Honeymonster for a giant daffodil and settled on him ecstatically while he puffed and windmilled at them fruitlessly. However, running off into the forest cleared them and he joined the rest who were milling about by a Check, waiting for Bogbrush to find the False that inevitably was up another steep hill. And yet another steep hill faced the Pack on the way to the Regroup where the enormously bellied, long white-haired fellow we had met earlier in the day stood watering his greens, holding the unseen hose at hip height in the manner so beloved of Benny Hill. Time for the Long and Medium split we had laid earlier. The Longs went off right down the hill and the Mediums trotted off left. Very brave of new boy, Duncan, and new girl Rory (yep, I know – didn’t like to ask) to go on the Long which led way down to Harpsden Road and a One-Blob Check with five possible directions. One of which was way up into Crowsley Park which Itsyor informed me later he had thoroughly enjoyed.

Rather cleverly, we thought, we had made it so the Trails came back together after about a mile. Before this the Medium Trailers had gone past a fine large converted farm where a couple of doggies (one a Borzoi, Whinge told me) came racing out to play. They had a wonderful time. Especially when Lilo turned up with her almost still a puppy, Minx. She decided to run off with them – into the house. Whereupon the houseowner mentioned to Lilo that her dog was in a bedroom and perhaps she would like to extract her?

I completely ruined our Hare plan from here, by waiting for the Long Trailers as they raced towards the join with the Medium Trailers. The idea had been that I would be up with the FRBs and Donut would sweep up the back. In the event, trying to catch up with the Pack and keeping an eye on the slower Long Trailers proved impossible and poor Donut had to do all the work at the front. Luckily, our sneaky Bar-5 caught out the FRBs, including Billy (quite pleased about that ), which slowed them down a bit and helped her a little. A trot across the golf course, between two paddocks, that naughty back Check that caught out Mr Blobby, one leafy snicket and a tramp through a bit of wood saw nearly everyone back to the pub. We thought we might have lost Dumper, Mrs Blobby and Lilo but they finally reappeared having enjoyed a pleasant stroll in the evening air. Just as well since neither Donut nor I had had the tiniest bit of energy left. However, she did manage to raise some to hand out chocolate brownies to everyone to pre-celebrate her birthday next Saturday.

Hope you all enjoyed the evening – we certainly did. Thanks for coming.

Last but not least I must mention Heavy petting, who probably thinks no-one saw her leaving the pub on her neat little moped. Oh, but we did, Amanda. A slight lack of control on either the clutch or accelerator saw the poor lass wheelying across the pebbly car park and almost slide under a large green 4-wheel drive parked next to the pub. Fortunately, all was well with her and the moped so we duly enjoyed the moment hugely. Thanks HP!

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Dumper presented the following :-

Well deserved and enjoyed

Up and Coming

BH3 1700th Hash Celebration

Celebrate our 1700^th Hash at Yattenden Village Hall (gridref 553746) on Saturday 17^th July from 4 pm until midnight. Tickets for the event of the century are just £6 for members, £8 for non-members which includes two (yes, two drinks). Hurry and see Motox for full details and your very own tickets.