Delegates

OldDog GnomeAlone Donut Hashgate C5 C4 Dumper Septic Rampant Rabbit Dunny Swallow Slowsucker Flash Utopia Butterfly Dribbler SkinnyDipper Susie TinOpener Aqua OddBalls Zebedee Florence Penny Pitstop LoudonTasteless Spex Nutty Potty Snowballs Blowjob Twanky NoSole Slapper Cheating Chopstix Shandyman Skids Simple Lunchbox Desperate Shitfor Baldrick JWax Iceman Lonely Dwight Scoot TT2 Pissquick JustMoist

The AGM Hash

BH³ prepared to enjoy their annual plebiscite. That unequivocal right to vote on who should lead their splendid band and who would be the lucky members of the committee to oversee the various posts. Of course, it could be seen by the cynical as an exercise by the slothful to ensure that those who raise a quivering hand when volunteers are called for are loaded with responsibility, saving said sloths from having to do anything.

Before we could take our seats in the debating chamber (Burghfield Village Hall) we were expected to nip round Motox’ Trail – ideally before it became pitch dark. At the Gather Round he had informed us that we had better get a move on since he was darned if he was going out looking for slackers. So we got on with it, helped by his shouted instructions from the rear. Flash confirmed his class early on by showing a frightened OldDog one of his conkers. Not a gentlemanly action, I felt. Particularly since the vieux chien was still suffering from the remnants of a fearsome cold that had resulted in many a pant-ripping sneeze. Hopefully, she’ll soon be well enough to pop down to M & S for a restock.

Our small group of walking wounded took full advantage of the short cuts offered so magnanimously by Motox who not only bounded along with us effortlessly but also performed a small miracle at one point on the Trail. With a legerdemain that would have astounded Ali Bongo he turned a Bar into an Arrow, enabling us to leave the rest of the Pack crashing about in the forest. One wonders whether the Pope, during the beatification ceremony to take place shortly, might manage to sneak in our Hare. I know the criterion is two documented miracles but it seems to me that the second could be that the old bugger still manages to heave his carcass round the Trail at all, let alone lay it. I rather like the sound of St. Motox. Slightly more cachet than St. Kentigern Mungo. Or St. Gorgias. Or St. Yeshak.

The Pack left us behind somewhere in the woods so we beetled onwards into the gathering gloom. Fortunately, Utopia knew where we were and where we should go as soon as we hit tarmac so she, Potty, Pissquick and I hotfooted it past an obvious False and were in the car park in next to no time.

The AGM

The AGM is a serious affair, with a top table for the outgoing Committee in the middle of which sits, in regal splendour, the GM. In this case, Slowsucker, who has driven forward BH³ in a relentless search for excellence and pruned the top-heavy committee down to a small group of focussed individuals, each as keen as an assassin’s knife (who said satire was dead?). The Hash membership was almost as keen in finding a) the beer, and b) the table at which they wanted to sit. Bowls of crisps emptied rapidly as the munching masses eyed the Committee table and mused on the new Committee members. Slowsucker craftily let everyone relax and have a couple of drinks before whacking the Hash gavel on the table and beginning (surprisingly, given his usual bombastic delivery) rather diffidently. Behind him stood a mannequin, clad in running kit, that Motox had manhandled in earlier. It had been a little alarming watching him put the thing in place since he seemed to have his hand down its shorts while ‘adjusting’ its position.

Interesting to watch the delegates during the meeting. It was rather like the House of Lords on a Friday afternoon after a particularly heavy lunch and a programme of Local Government measures to discuss. An air of somnolence and lethargy pervaded the room while first Slowsucker, then Spex took the floor. Spex has been our excellent Hash Cash and she explained the accounts that had been printed out for us and placed on every table. A certain glazed look apppeared in several Hasher’s eyes as GDP, market sectoring, fiscal deficit, fiduciary duty and economic disaster recovery policy rolled off her lips like George Osbourne in full flow. Her accountancy skills are nonpareil, her prudence legendary. She is without equal. And she got voted in for another term.

Slowsucker elegantly and rightly thanked Dunny and Rampant who had stepped into the Trail Master role when SH*tShoveller was so sadly taken from us and then moved on to the Committee positions nominations and voting. The process was relatively painless and there was little realpolitik or the in-fighting of the recent country election. Simple finally got the position he has coveted and gave a short speech thanking Motox (the outgoing Hash Ents) for all his work. Let’s spend a moment agreeing with that thought. Motox has given and no doubt will continue to put in to BH³ an awful lot of effort. Including laying an excellent AGM Trail tonight.

To all the people (not just Committee members) who work hard to support and promote our Hash, many thanks from all of us.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA C5 presented Down Downs to outgoing Committee members and tonight’s kitchen helpers and decided that those members who were continuing did not deserve one. Probably right – they’ve been milking expenses and perks for years. Curiously and unusually Slowsucker managed to get his drink down first.

Up and Coming

The Hashes start at 11:00 a.m. on Sundays.