The Hashers

Just enough people to eat the fab food…. Those of you who didn’t attend missed out…

The She can’t be that old surely….Hash

Hashy birthday 2 ewe, hashy birthday 2 ewe… or rather where were ewe all!! It was a very select group of hashers that pitched up for Anorak’s birthday BBQ, or rather another training run for her real birthday treat of the Berlin Marathon. Most girls want diamonds, sunkissed Caribbean beaches or romantic weekends away, not Anorak, she wants to pound the pavements of Berlin for 26 miles…. Rather her than me….

Anyway, a lovely calm day for our first Sunday hash and we eagerly gathered round the new GM to be inspired to hurry round the trail ready for a slap up BBQ and ale lunch. Sadly it appears Slowsucker not only gave Simple a tie but also the mantle of digging up irrelevant nuggets/drivel/historical ramblings… fortunately the 11.05 InterCity to Reading zoomed by so we managed to miss most of his mumblings…

Cheating had kidnapped some tee-shirt printer chap ? Brian? who very kindly gave the hares two rather snazzy ‘follow the hare’ tops, no excuse now as to who was going to be leading us astray!

Now, as you know Anorak is training for the Berlin Marathon (don’t forget to donate to the charity web site..) so we all really knew what lay ahead, long, straight and the horizon forever in the distance – we weren’t disappointed. Poor old Dorothy though, was late, mainly due to Twanky getting ready for the clocks going back… he is setting his watch back twenty minutes each week it seems….

Off we went then, to cries of ‘it always goes this way, doesn’t it’ and once we got to the river/canal I have no idea what happened on the trail because I was walking – again – still suffering from some dreadful lurgy…and the pack disappeared like phantoms in the fog. We passed some very scenic scenes, lazy canal boats, stunning riverside houses and some rather tense fishermen gripping their rods! Minx was pursuing her favouring pass time of snaffling ham sandwiches so every potential bag was sniffed…..

Somehow the pack caught us up and we all drifted back/ran to get in the queue first to get our bun and burger. Trainspotter had everything to a ‘T’. The beer was on tap, the BBQ food ably keeping up with the growing queue and everything in the garden was lovely, including the tomatoes! Then things really warmed up… Flo and Zeb appeared. Now I know it is fashionable to be late but come on … their excuse this time was some local 10k that they just had to run before coming to the hash…. I certainly hope it isn’t catching!

STOP PRESS STOP PRESS STOP PRESS

Now we all know to keep our hands on our wallets and not to make any sort of bet involving money with Motox… but guess what? C5, in a moment of utter senility bet Motox his salary that he hadn’t yet paid his deposit for Bude… we all know the sly old fox is a last minute/only pays if he really has to boy…. But nope, he had actually paid on time…it was like taking candy from a baby….C4 will find her housekeeping a bit short this week!

But soft, prithee silence, forsooth and stay a while…. The afternoon was then taken to a new plane with some poetry and words of wisdom… Scarlet Pimpernel rendered his ‘ode to Anorak’ which needs an ending but still had us spell bound. (See below for full version). Then came Kathy (a renowned poet who has produced two books for charity) who took centre stage and gave us her rendition of the Feral Male (which rumour has it she thought of and wrote whilst standing on a check!) You men, look to your laurels, she knows you know!

Yes it was a grand day, a hash to stretch the muscles and clear the lungs, a fabulous spread with great company and delicious beer. Here’s wishing Anorak et al a great time in Berlin and all our best wishes for a fabulous fortieth birthday.

On On. Old Dog aka any port in a storm for Hashgate.

The following is the now completed "Ode to Anorak" by Scarlet Pimpernel

BELINDA AT 40

1
Belinda is a physicist, she likes to get things right!

She plans ahead in order not to end up in a plight.

She buys her Xmas gifts in March, according to a list...

 And says things like: “May I pop round on Friday, half past six?”

Only she means a day in June, when it’s still only May!

So fit in with her timetable, as that will make her day!!

2

Now you know just why Belinda’s hash name’s Anorak...  

It’s not because she wants to keep dry running round the track!

She downs a pint quicker than any hasher, woman or man,

And she can even outperform Baldric’s most cunning plan!

Thus on her wedding day it came to pass that her logistics

Were so precise and complex as to defy all known statistics!

Stage one, along the Thames, involved a 13-mile-long trek,

To a house in Caversham, where she kept her wedding dress,

Watched over by brave Scarlet, also simply known as Steve,

Whose role was chauffeur, chaperone, best man, even bridesmaid!

Against all odds bold Scarlet somehow managed to contrive

To get his charge - suitably clad - to the altar on time... 

3

Then, early in Two-Thousand-and-Ten she asked us to remember

Her birthday coming up “quite soon”... that is, in late September!

It turned out that Berlin was in the line of her enquiry:

“Get organised like me,” she said, “And put it in your diary!”

The first to do her bidding was her “better half”, Trains-potter.

 Who’s no relation to that dashing hasher, Harry Potter!

Living by a railway makes his love of speed unbridled. 

In down-downs and in running he is Anorak’s greatest rival!

Bomber, Posh and Lonely likewise all signed up to go,

As did “old banger” C5 – plus Zebedee and Flo!  

Not to forget Kathy and Les - though there’s the rub:

The latter claimed that they came from a “proper” Running club!

4

The scene’s set for a showdown, for a huge adrenaline fix,

Not seen here in Berlin since the Olympics of ’36!

The Hashers’ colour is muddy brown; their symbol is a sheep,

The Runners dress in Green - their badge a Bird that goes Beep-Beep!  

Two teams in mortal combat locked, both bubbling with pride,

A true clash of the Titans – With Anorak batting for both sides!! 

Kathy, Valkyrie-like, threw down the gauntlet, with a sneer:

“Bet I can teach you Hasher guys a thing or two about beer!!

This one is my favourite, a brew I drink with zest,

It’s local, sweet and sickly green, just like my running vest!!”

Alas, the Hash was unconvinced. “It’s piss!” we heard Posh titter.

Saying it’s not a patch on her beloved West Berkshire bitter!

5

On race day Bird and Baa Lamb gathered at the Brandenburg Gate.

Each team eager to demonstrate what makes their Club so great!

Just like Berlin not long ago, they were deeply divided, 

Yet on this trip they seized the chance to end up reunited!

They soon realized that they all shared a horror of the “Wall”,

And so put silly rivalry behind them once and for all! 

Times ranged from Three Sixteen to, shall we say, a wee bit longer?

Some did worse than hoped for, others (like Les) finished much stronger.

So sod the times, they just had fun amidst all that baroque,  

With Belinda rediscovering the secret wonders of CEROC!

And what of Anorak’s cherished dream of victory in Berlin?

Down Downs

RA C5 presented the following :-

Never happier than when lubricating the larynx

Up and Coming