The ‘Aren’t we lucky the snow has melted’ Hashers

Anorak, Awol, BGB, Billy Liar, Blowjob, Bogbrush, Bomber, Booby, C5, Caboose, Cerberus, Cheating, Chopstix, Desperate, Dragon Lady, Dunny, Fannybag, Flash, Foggie, Fukawe, GT, Gnomealone, Hamlet, Heavy Petting, Hitch, Iceman, Lemming, Lilo, Little Stiffy, Lonely, Loud and Tasteless, Messenger Boy, Miss Whiplash, Mother, Motox, Mr and Mrs Blobby, Nappy Rash, No Sole, Old Dog, Penny Pitstop, PQ, Posh Tart, Rampant Rabbit, Shandyman, Shitfor, Simple, Skids, Skinny Dipper, Slackbladder, Slapper, Slowsucker, Snowy, Spex, Swallow, Tinopener, Trainspotter, Twanky, Vertigo, Lynne Denton, Frankie

The ‘oh my god my balls have broken’ Hash

T’was a dank and gloomy morning where the mist shrouded the land like a guilty poacher…eyes swept ahead and behind seeking any comforting signs of life… And that was just trying to find the road out of the drive never mind some village hall in the depths of Oxfordshire’s Midsomer-yet-another-potential-multiple-murder-scene. Mind you at least the Berkshire Bundle all made it promptly for the early 10.30am get there 3 line whip. The Surrey lot couldn’t even find the list of what hashers to pickup where and when! I believe the guy in charge of the bus (and list) was in his late nineties and not only forgot his specs and hearing aid but also the map.

So with dramatic drumroll (banging his hammer on the barrels) CS Gas told us (in five minute intervals) that we would be going soon, once Surrey arrived. Now despite CL’s electronic wizardry, set up in the corner for all to see, no-one looked to see the order of events so as normal there was much heckling and booing whilst they tried to shepherd us into hash groups, then type of run groups, then get us all back in a bunch for a group photo… by 11.30 we were all a tad bored and cold but it was great fun watching them trying to herd over 100 hashers who were intent on causing havoc!

To the trail… well the brave/stupid set off on the ball breaker (they eventually got back about 2pm!) and CL was proudly chivvying them along on the false whilst the walkers and mediums got stuck into pink/blue flour. The key word today was just follow the hasher in front and pray it isn’t Billy Liar! Goodness knows which way he went as he was last seen going down a false and I never saw him after that……Despite the misty start we were treated to a wonderful hash as the fog lifted and we had some quite panoramic views of rolling middle England (including the power station). The walkers trail was quite well behaved and no scandal to report, well unless of course you count Flash being man-handled by 3 harriets as they tried to get him up a tree to get some mistletoe??? I think he is still recovering from the shock of that!

I did pick up some good gossip though! You would think that most happily married together couples, who have weathered all sorts of storms, including major kitchen refurbishment would have remembered their anniversary??? Not Spex and L&T… they BOTH forgot their anniversary… just shows you how committed they are to the hash that these milestones (millstones) are relegated to bottom of the list….talking of bottoms, Skinny Dipper is really upset. There she was pretending to tie her shoelaces and not one, not one male hasher goosed her as they went by…. We told her she needs a shorter skirt! Or it could be they were so tired from the seemingly endless falses that they had lost the will to live by that time.

And of course you know that Swindon have ‘de-commissioned’ their speed cameras? Wiltshire have got a new mobile one in Kintbury…. Lilo was apparently taking Minx for an early morning trundle and wearing her hi-vis top…. The phone rang as she was waiting to cross the road…. So holding it at arms length, as ladies of a certain do, everyone was seen slamming on their anchors thinking she was a mobile police woman with a speed gun!... That’s the way to do it!

Back to the trail… oh yes, the walkers coasted in at about 1.30 to the delicious aroma of jacket spud and chilli, yum yum…. The mediums filtered in in dribs and drabs all grateful that they hadn’t done the ball breaker. BGB was seen sitting waiting at a bus-stop, until he was told they don’t run on a Sunday, bit like him really, so he had to finish the trail on foot (that’s how he does it, see?) The rest of the tired, aching, sweating and hungry hashers appeared just as the beer was flowing and the food was being served.

We ate, we drank (there was loadsa beer) and we watched Surrey ladies present their Hash Calendar….all very tasteful except for the photo of the photographer whose digit was easily hidden by his tiny digital camera… oerrr… There were several rounds of down downs with each Hash picking on any undeserving waif they could think of… I haven’t listed them all just most of those relevant to BH3. If I have missed anyone off, please forgive me and chat up Iceman to get anything relevant added here…. Oh and Surrey have taken up the gauntlet of doing next year’s Camra so watch this space. The food from Didcot was excellent, the beer was flowing and never ending, there was food aplenty (they are even talking of having to run another hash to get the leftovers eaten) and the company was excellent! Well done to the Mis-Management team who organised the whole event, seamless and very enjoyable.

On On. Yes, the Old Dog has done it again cos he’s swanning round some hot hotel room wearing some miniscule towel (well that’s what it looks like in the email anyway!) Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA C5/GM Simple presented the following :- (amongst others…. I ran out of paper….)

Two half pints in one day – this gal has been amongst the plebs too long.

Up and Coming