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The Wheelwright’s Arms
Dinton Pastures


Handful, ShutupWally, Honeymonster and dog Max

Dogs and Hashers

Slowsucker Donut Hashgate Mother Theresa Lemming Spot Hitchhiker Tinopener Lilo and Minx the dog Glittertits Pissquick Poca and Jack (now Ewok – see Down Downs) Simple Skids Potty Nutty Snowballs Desperate Blowjob Nappyrash Heavy Petting Iceman Motox Pancake Lynne Cerberus Billy Bullshit Dunny Rampant C5 Bogbrush Fannybag Posh Bomber Muff Mrs Muff Twanky Horny Mike Ebony Paul Gita Mandy Georgie and Mick the dog Kevin Kay and her dog SkinnyDipper Messenger Boy and dog Lucy Slapper NoSole Richard DoggyStyle Woodentop Effin Dipstick JustMoist Itsyor Lonely Aqua Whinge TC and dog Molly Florence Zebedee Cloggs Nonstick Ben DragonLady Cheating

Hash and Heroics

Um. Err. Ooer. It’s been so long since I wrote a Gobsheet I’ve almost forgotten how to do it. I should take some lessons from Old Dog who has so kindly and excellently filled in for me. What a girl!

This pub being next to the nature reserve at Dinton Pastures we were pretty sure where we would be going, even if we didn’t know how the Trail would wind its way round the lakes. Donut and I were even more sure when Slowsucker ambled up to us, having run to the pub, and informed us he had come in past the On Inn. While we chatted Dunny and Rampant rolled up and Rampant confirmed his compulsive/obsessive behaviour by to-ing and fro-ing in the parking space in order to get perfectly within the white lines. It was a nice try but he ended up slightly at an angle. His lower lip may have quivered but he took it manfully and gave us a brave grin.

After an interminable, informative and instantly forgettable introduction by our GM, Simple, and a quietly informed piece by our Hare, Handful (fortunately ShutupWally managed not to warble his usual inanities) we On Outed in a leisurely style towards the Pastures,chatting while we trotted. Pancake advised us that last week she had had a massive hangover and she felt much better running without one. I sympathised. Last week I too had been well under the self-inflicted personal thundercloud, victim of one of Donut’s unparalleled drinking sessions the night before.

Now Lucy, Messenger Boy’s fine dog, nearly always does the same thing. We run for a couple of hundred yards and she has to stop to extrude a large part of her mainly digested and nose-wrinklingly smelly insides which MB then has to pick up. Who’d be a (large anyway) dog owner? He explained to me that, “Lucy gets excited with the running and it brings on a crap.” After that serious, scientific veterinary elucidation it struck me that Hashers are (generally) very lucky not to suffer from the same problem.

Our multi-coloured, vari-talented group streamed around the lakes with as much idea of where we were going as the various dogs that were with us and that we met on the way. We were, in our various ways, going to the dogs. Not quite sure why we had to run over a False or why we all ran to a small gate from a Check, then ran back and way past the Check (which had an arrow pointing that way)… then all the way back to the gate again! Dipstick and I had a problem with the gate. We couldn’t figure how to close it, using the bolt that had so thoughtfully been provided. It took the intelligence of Iceman to locate and point out the bolt hole which we sheepishly used. Then used again when we ran back. He’s a quite fit fellow is our Dipstick. He never actually stops. Just runs and runs. You wonder if he might be like a Duracell battery. I considered standing on his foot and sticking a finger on his nose just to see if a yellow stripe spread up from his leg. But would you stick your finger anywhere near Dipstick’s nose? No, nor would I. So I didn’t.

After a damn fine bit of general Hash confusion we fetched up breathlessly at the Regroup which was marked by a curious floury configuration that looked to me like RGO. It looked like something else to Dunny. More of that in the Down Downs. While discussing with Dunny and Rampant how much we were steaming something of a commotion occurred in the nearby river. Whinge raced up and leapt in! Several Hashers, including Kay, were excitedly and worriedly jumping up and down on the towpath. Whinge splashed, lost his footing in the muddy, cold water and seemed to be trying to drown Kay’s fine little black and white spaniel (whose name I have shamefully forgotten – sorry). But he wasn’t. The brave fellow was actually saving the creature. It had decided to join a larger friend for a swim when the current had begun to sweep it away. Whinge grabbed the struggling animal and heaved it on to the shore where Kay received it with much relief before gratefully helping Whinge to wring out the front of his soaking trousers for some length of time. Personally, I think thankfulness can be taken a little too far. Now there may have been a little fanciful writing in the description of events but not with regard to Whinge’s action which is that of a dog lover and a jolly good egg. That he didn’t even stop to think that he would have to run the rest of the Hash with sopping, cold undercrackers just underpins how truly altruistic he is.

The intense drama of the scene had obviously affected SkinnyDipper’s mind quite badly. She spotted a couple of crudely drawn cartoon pictures of a girl with the words ‘U R gorgeous’ above them pinned to a tree and declared somewhat hysterically, “Ooh. Someone knew I would be here.” Then giggled. Oh dear. We ran on quickly, taking ShutupWally’s advice that the Short Trail was a waste of time

The Museum of Berkshire Aviation with its silent, standing planes appeared and Florence echoed my thought that it would be a really good place for a beer stop. Sadly, it wasn’t. We had a fair old schlep past the sailing club and golf course before we found the On Inn that Slowsucker had found earlier. C5 celebrated this by trying to trip over Heavy Petting. An entirely unwarranted mugging on a fine young woman. Finally, we fetched up at the car park noted a couple of wires with shackles on the end that were attached to the tree outside of the pub. Zebedee and I spent a pleasant couple of minutes discussing how we might put Wally in them and give him a damn good horsewhipping before smilingly going off to change.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA C5 presented the following :-



Style points

Paul, Gita

Today’s virgins

She described the beer as ‘horrid!’


Virgin baby Jack renamed Ewok

Excellent orange juice Down


Grandma’s birthday

As fast as her daughter

Cloggs, Nonstick


Cloggs really isn’t into this drinking lark


Very carefully parking the new car

Lemming certainly is!


Advising the RA to “keep the water on your right.” Even though it was on both sides at the time

Got outside it rather quickly


Stood in for Dunny who had seen that RGO as male genitalia!

Slipped down a treat


The hero dog-saver

Thoroughly enjoyed and deserved

Handful, Wally

Today’s Hares

Nice one, Handful. Much spillage by the other Hare.

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






The Duke of Wellington
Twyford RG10 9AE





* The Red Dress Run *
The Baron Cadogan
Prospect Street
Caversham RG4 8JG