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Englefield Social Club


BogBrush, Slapper


Messenger Boy and dog Lucy Donut Hashgate Spex Slowsucker Swallow Mother Theresa Lemming NoNuts Chopstix Shandyman Layla Caboose Cerberus BillyBullsh*t Poca Ewok Glittertits Pissquick Spot RandyMandy AWOL Motox BGB Hazel OldFart Dan Iceman OldDog Ms Whiplash NoSole LitleStiffy Slackbladder and dog Masie Centaur Baldrick Jwax SkinnyDipper PureFantasy and dog Poppy TinOpener Lilo and dog Minx Posh Bomber John Ruby Cheating

In Formal gardens

Coo. Good to go somewhere we hadn’t been before. Slapper and BogBrush had organized for us a thoroughly enjoyable trot through this lovely estate and some very nice Spring weather to boot. At the Gather Round Ms Whiplash, today’s stand-in GM, wasted no time on Simple-style oration/education but passed straight over to our eager Hares. Who also wasted no time but got us on our way in short order...

ahhh. That’s better. A cup of chai and a piece of Donut’s mum’s fruit cake. I realised the first paragraph wasn’t exactly a paragon of pyrotechnic pithiness. A break and a change of direction should help. I used the term ‘chai’ since I drank rather a lot of the stuff while I was working out in India. Not always at my own behest. There is a delightful little Indian lady who makes chai for everyone and generally tidies up. She took rather a shine to me and would bring fresh black tea at intervals of about twenty minutes. Whether I was in my office alone, spouting forth to twenty people or conducting an interview she would appear, wearing a flashing smile and a simple, stunning sari: “Chai sir?” “Um, thank you my good woman. Put it there would you.” How I didn’t spend most of my time visiting the loo I don’t know. Perhaps the level of fluid loss out in the heat was so great the chai just kept me topped up.

Soo. Back to the Hash and by now we have gone round in complete circle, almost back to the car park, before tramping about in a private paddock, then beasting off over the grand sweep of grassland in front of the mansion. Our picture, left, shows the grand vista to which we were exposed. Note the weather (v. nice) and deer (v. cute). While we ran across a large group of deer poured down the hill and filled the bowl at the bottom of it like a swirling, furry cappuchino. We drank in the view and enjoyed the sight of these beautiful creatures showing us how to run elegantly. Slapper was shepherding us into the corner of this swathe of land and Randy Mandy needed a little additional assistance. As Slapper told her, “I’m happy to give you a prod in the right direction.” She gave him a sideways look and ran off rapidly in a similar style in case he followed her.

The primroses gathered in pleasing groups in the woodland which took our minds off some of those rather steep tracks we kept ascending. Even seasoned athletes like Billy were forced to walk. Though this was probably because, as one of the most gentlemanly of Hashers, he just wanted to keep his wife, Cerberus, company. Ah. Many of us could learn a lot from Billy. His is quite a unique lifestyle. He inhabits a Narnia-like country that no-one else has ever seen. Lucky fellow. I’m waiting to see if he grows goat’s legs. Wonder if Cerberus keeps him in the wardrobe at home…

I found myself finally loping downhill with Swallow and we congratulated ourselves for finally going downhill instead of up. But it was only a short distance to the Regroup by a pleasant pond. Cheating appeared, in that curious, jack-in-the-box method he employs to surprise and (he thinks) delight people. He waved his arms about a bit and ranted about how clever he was so we agreed and backed slowly away. Now, as we stood there viewing the ducks doing their quacking thing we spotted the Walkers forming a breakaway Regroup on the other side of the pond. A number of us mistakenly called, “On On!” before we noticed Slapper beginning to ‘tut’. The tutting level began to rise when he noticed them beginning to trickle in our direction, Shandyman leading the way wearing his baby backpack. “They’re supposed to stay on that side.” Snorted Slapper. I noticed a vein beginning to pulse on his forehead. “Why are they coming over here? It’s shorter if they stay on that side!” Interesting how stress causes the pitch of a person’s voice to rise. Slapper’s was so high by now only Lucy, Minx and Poppy could actually hear it and they looked quite appalled at the language. The entire contingent of Walkers ambled over. By this time Slapper had stopped the gnashing of teeth and the smiting of his brow and succumbed to the inevitable. “Oh b*gger it then. You can all run round the bl**dy pond and I hope you s*dding well all fall in. So we all ran the long way round to where the Walkers had been and then along the long edge. And the Walkers had all walked over to where we were and followed the long edge up that direction. Essentially, we all did the same distance and enjoyed the pond, ducks etc equally.

The On Inn past the house and paddocks was more than enjoyable (though we were lumbered with Lemming) since a number of people congratulated us on our efforts – even though by this time we were walking rather than running. The day was rounded off with a pleasant pint at the social club. Must thank Slapper and BogBrush for organising this one. Well done, chaps!

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA OldDog presented the following :-



Style points


Being lazy and not wanting to run uphill

It went down better than she went up


Dobbing in the person who lost a shoe

Rather a lot of choking and coughing


Groping. Unable to undo a bra with one hand

Could have used a hand with this


Pointing out yellow bluebells during the Trail to the lad

Rather good and rather bad


Stargazing (sorry, lost the thread on this one)

No problem for the old fellow


Flap lifting!



Not knowing the difference between a dog and a child

Really very good

Slapper, BogBrush

Our Hares

Nice one, chaps

Up and Coming (Hashes now on Mondays)



Grid Reference






The Star Inn
Kingsclere, Berks RG20 4SY





The George & Dragon
162 Bath Road RG30 2HA
Wear Red & White for late St. George’s Day celebrations


Hash Walk

Sunday, April 17th @ 10:45 a.m. Grid 627692. Meet at Sulhamstead canal swing bridge car park. Pub stop for food and drink or bring a snack. Distance approx. 8½ miles. Contact Motox for details.