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Novello’s, Littlewick Green


Billy Bullshit, Shitfor
Assisted by Desperate and Cerberus

Hot Chicks and Dudes

Caboose Donut Hashgate Lemming Mother Theresa Fannybag Bogbrush Honeymonster and dog Max Little Stiffy Slackbladder and dog Maisie Dunny Rampant NoSole Slapper Dumper Baldrick Jwax Penny Pitstop Spex LoudonTasteless Mother Theresa Lemming Cheating Motox Iceman Ms Whiplash Blowjob Spot Foghorn C5 Dorothy Bomber Posh Swallow Slowsucker Kay and dog Ebony Kevin SilentP SkinnyDipper Whinge TC OldFart Itsyor Crusty-Toasty HP NappyRash John JustMoist Kate Carol Julie Booby RandyMandy I-Plod Zebedee Florence Desperate’s mum Amanda Theresa with dogs Pickle and Minty

Phew, What a Scorcher!

Second of October and we were sweltering in gorgeous sunshine. The rays bathed the surrounding countryside which almost glowed. A little odd really, since leaves were dropping off trees in the light breeze and the leaves that wwere left had a distinctly russet colour. It was one of the hottest days ever in October and just about everyone was in shorts and light tops instead of the usual autumnal sheepskin chaps and mittens. Penny Pitstop called over to Donut after the Trail that it was, “Nice to see your arms,” since she was wearing a sleeveless top. Trouble was, neither we nor Desperate, who burst into laughter, heard her quite correctly across the various surrounding conversations. Deliberately mis-hearing, we were pleased to interpret Penny’s comment as being directed towards Donut’s rear.

We were in a hurry today. Well, not most of us, but certainly Shitfor and C5. Serious Cottagers (Fulham supporters) they were concerned to get us on our way quickly so they could go up to London to watch their team crush QPR 6-0. (Picture left shows a gleeful Fulham player ordering a pint after slotting one of the goals past the advancing, spreadeagled, net-custodian.) Not that they knew that at the time. But they were in a hurry nevertheless. So there was no hanging about at the On Out . One non-Fulham supporter who seemed in more of a rush than most was Cheating. He burst off towards the A4, turned left… and was not seen again until the end of the Trail! The rest of us hurtled over the A4 into a wide field and ‘enjoyed’ the 4 blobs and a False that met us. (Cerberus mentioned later that Billy has trouble counting.) What doubly confused us was that the walking group were being led across the field as we pasted breathlessly back.

Of course, this area (Knowle Hill) is pretty steep in parts and feet dragged up some of the steeper tracks. Caboose, LoudonTasteless and I inadvertantly enjoyed a bit of a rest when Slackbladder and Little Stiffy pointed out a blob of flour off to the left of the track up which the rest of the Pack toiled and sweated. The three of us happily made off into the thick bushes, finding another two blobs and nothing else. Hmm. And yes, then we realised we were behind just about everyone else and had an eyeball-bulging slog up the hill to catch up. Slackbladder and Little Stiffy managed to hide their disappointment that we had been unsuccessful in finding the Trail very well. And Maisie, their bustling, sleek labrador, almost managed to upend me into glutinous shiggy. Nice to know who your friends are.

We seemed to be going uphill rather a lot. I considered myself fortunate that I had to tag in behind Spex on the narrow, slanting track. She has a steady, unstopping pace which pulls one along without taxing the legs too much. Brambles threatened to trip us. Damp undergrowth brushed our naked legs. Gravity tugged at our lumbering muscles until we finally slipped out on to a little road that led up to the top of the hill. We usually go up that way and TC and I tripped up it with a light heart, figuring that the odds were on our side. They weren’t. Almost at the top we heard the dreaded, “On Back”. Bugger. At least it was downhill and, finally, the path off the road also slanted downwards. We took it gratefully and I left TC discussing her leggy injuries with, I think, Spex. Catching up with Whinge and Foghorn I overheard them listing Hashers who have similar damage. There seemed to be quite a lot of them. Just as well a) we are attracting younger members, b) the design of electric, off-road bathchairs has improved immeasurably recently.

Stopping at the Regroup was a real pleasure although trying to find some cool shade was a tad difficult. The sun blazed down and Spot, Dorothy and I huddled beneath a small sapling, dripping with perspiration and gasping for a drink. I think this was near or in Berkshire Agricultural College and we split for the Long and Short(er) Trails. Since we had only been going for about six miles by now many of us thought we may as well get our money’s worth and do the rest. Silly us. We staggered breathlessly through the wide field Check, skittered on leaden legs along a variety of trails, stumbled around and around Burchetts Green like lost souls, lost it totally across Littlewick Green and dazedly realised we were only a mile or so from the pub. Along the side of a shimmeringly hot, scorched-earth field we came across an ‘On Inn 3’, ‘On Inn 2’ and ‘RU SMILING’ signs in flour. Now I wonder who can have laid that? Down (unusually enough) a little, tree-lined glade we saw Billy standing at the end and hurried towards him. Near to him stood two snow white geese who were evidently a bit hacked off. Apparently, there was a nest nearby. They fluffed their feathers and uttered “Do not disturb!” hissing noises. Spex and Blowjob trotted up and the beasts went for the former with an angry waddle. Can’t say I’ve ever seen Spex run so fast. As I understand it this was one of the few peckers she has ever run away from…

Thank the Lord we had only one arid, farrowed field to go before we sneaked in to the back of the pub car park, ready for a refreshing draught and a roast lunch. Ahhh. Nice Trail, Hares, made even better by the beautiful weather. And the best team won!

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Motox presented the following :-



Style points

LoudonTasteless, Caboose, Hashgate

Going off into the bushes together!

A stunningly well-sucked 3-straw ½

Kate, Carol

Today’s virgins

Despite Kate asserting that she was definitely not a virgin she enjoyed a fast slurp

SilentP, Kevin

Today’s visitors

Nice drenching of Slackbladder by SilentP’s drink dregs


Her BIG birthday

The lass can certainly chug it down

Spex, Billy

Serious geese abuse

Really not too bad


Presented a Bullschit T-shirt by Slapper, who had set fire to Billy’s shorts at an earlier Moonlight

Followed up nicely

Well, the ol’ recording machine ran out of battery at that point but I remember Desperate, Billy and Cerberusfinishing off their Down Downs with style for having been our Hares for the day. And very well deserved too.

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






The Langley Hall Inn
West End Beedon RG20 8SA





Queens Oak
Church Lane, Finchampstead
RG40 4LS