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The Plowden Arms


Donut, Hashgate

Mad Hatters

PennyPitstop Iceman Cerberus BillyBullshit Desperate Shitfor Fannybag Bogbrush OldFart Matt Roz Spex LoudonTasteless RandyMandy BGB Lemming Mother Theresa Ms Whiplash Spot Motox C5 Tinopener Lilo and dog Minx Lonely Bootsie and dog Coco Fiona Septic Dumper Bumwiper and dg Ebony Nappyrash HP and dog Bryn Glittertits Pissquick Poca (+1. She’s pregnant again ) Posh Bomber SkinnyDipper HarryPotter Jacob Caboose Booby Zebedee Florence

The Hat Hash On Remembrance Sunday

Hash HattersThree years ago when Donut and I laid a similar Trail from the nearby Memorial Hall the weather was utterly depressing, grey, wet and cold and poor Donut had bravely laid and Hared the Trail with the remnants of a debilitating cold. This time could not have been more opposite. The sun shone and Donut was bright and sparkly in a pink cowboy hat with glitter and feathers. Everyone else was sparkly too, swanning around in a magnificent and varied collection of head furniture. We had thought it nice to have a themed Hash for a change and, of course, everyone can rustle up a hat. Dumper sported a very natty black homburg. LoudonTasteless a snazzy flamenco-style. Matt a magnificent and very large sombrero. SkinnyDipper essayed an extremely smart top-piece that would fit in perfectly at the nearby Leander Club at Henley. Mother T opted for the flat cap – only the whippet was missing. And Spex’s brown cap made her look like an out-of-work narrow boat captain. We had decided to award small but significant trophies (ok, chocolate bars) for the best ladies’ and gents’ hat and these prizes went to Septic and TinOpener. Septic’s black, broad-brimmed confection brought to mind Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s – she looked stunning. TinOpener had started the day wearing an air raid warden’s tin (well, plastic) helmet but one rap on the top by C5’s knuckle early on had split it in half and it had slithered sadly down both sides of his face. It had been absolutely perfect for him. One could almost hear the sirens. The thing that clinched the award was when TinOpener beetled off to his car and beetled back, wearing a deerstalker! Anyone who has a spare silly hat on a day like this fully deserves to win.

Today was Remembrance Sunday and the ARP helmet and Septic’s bright red poppy on her formal hat chimed perfectly with the day. We gathered round Iceman’s car, listening to his radio, and stood in respectful silence for two minutes following the sound of Big Ben. This is one moment in the year that is sobering and salutory and though we were just a small group preparing to enjoy our day it was good to stop, think for a moment and feel that we were part of many, many groups of people who were remembering the past and reaching out their thoughts for others who have put and are putting their lives on the line for our way of life. “And in the morning/We will remember them”. On this morning, in the warm sunshine, we did remember them.

Now one of the problems of writing the Gobsheet about one’s own Trail is the temptation to hyperbole. Difficult not to when one has with one’s co-Hare) dragged one’s carcass round the Trail, laying every False and Bar the day before, nipped round to freshen the flour up on Hash morning, then run round it again, occasionally very speedily in order to catch up with the Pack. But, being objective, we could hardly go wrong. It was easy, really, since this area has so many tracks and paths through the most beautiful countryside and forest and, unusually for mid-November, the sun shone brilliantly in the cloudlesss sky. So let me give you a Hare’s view.

The first part of any Hash is easy for a Hare since everyone mills about in a human Brownian motion with little idea of the correct route. This is usually followed by a sheep-like rush in a particular direction. Usually, the wrong direction. Like it did today. Very gratifying. But as soon as the actual Trail is located things begin to speed up rapidly. The front runners are off like beavers on speed and you, as Hare, have to a) sweep up at the rear, and b) make sure the FRBs don’t go off entirely the wrong way or find the On Inn. It helps to be reasonably fit and also to have drunk several Red Bulls prior to the event. The first mile was fast and furious which meant that the Pack would spread out. Which is why we had laid an early Regroup. This would have worked very well except Billy (who else) kicked out the ‘RG’ in the circular flour boundary. Poor NappyRash didn’t notice and beasted off up the Medium Trail before realising the mistake and beasting all the way back. The Long Trail led off into the bluebell woods and I was surprised when we all met up again thet NappyRash hadn’t buried the good Billy in one of the swallow holes in that area.

Donut led the Medium Trailers off on their Trail and I (stupidly) went off on the Long Trail towards The Bottle and Glass, fetching up with the delightful (but slow!) Mother Theresa. Lemming gallantly caught up with her to keep her company which meant that I, as Hare, had to run like a mad ferret to catch up with the Pack. Not a chance. C5 I met, only because the daft nit had run not only the Bash the day before but also the Moonlight and was feeling as knackered as he looked. I ran with Lonely for a while, through red, russet and gold carpeted fields. It was truly glorious.And then I was on my own on the country road through the forest. A beautiful pearl-coloured Audi R8 growled towards me. I stopped to admire it as it purred by. I suddenly realised I was covered in flour and wearing a comedy horses’s head on mine (head that is). I think my admiration was not entirely returned by the car’s occupants. I can imagine the sight of me was a bit of a shock on a Sunday morning.

A fast sprint through the wet forest, dotting the trees with flour as I went, a nip down a ginnel to the second Regroup and I was met with a tunnel of cheering Hashers. Brilliant fun and great to catch up with everyone. Luckily, the Long, Medium and Walkers had all met at this point and we trotted off the last ½ mile. Nice bit of thick forest for the Long Trailers before a quick gallop back to the cars, the pub and a fine drink and meal in the sun-toasted pub garden. Great fun! Hope you all enjoyed it 

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA C5 presented the following :-



Style points


Having a split hat

The ugly


Having a hard hat

The bad


Having a beautiful hat

The good

Mother Theresa

Winning the Norman Wisdom lookalike contest

Aww Mr Grimsdale!


Looking perfectly chic

A snip


Today’s virgin

Blew it after half way

Randy Mandy

Playing on the playground rocking horse

Very smooth


Leaving his shorts in Fannybag’s car!!

Think he deserved this one


Bringing back his washed(!) shorts in a bag inscribed with ‘Fill me with love’!!

So did she

Donut, Hashgate

Today’s Hares

Donut did very well…

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






The Crown Inn
Church Street, Theale
Berks RG7 5BT





* Christmas Hash & Meal *

Calcot Hotel, 98 Bath Road,Reading, Berkshire, RG31 7QN

Secret Santa on the day bring along a present (which can be used by either sex! maximum £3 spend)