Elves and Fairies

Blind Pew – I’m giving him his own line since apparently I’ve missed him out over the past few weeks. My apologies, sir, and may all your spots not be black 

Pissquick Glittertits Donut Hashgate Poca Bumwiper and dog Ebony John (now Johhny Walker) HP NappyRash OldDog Fiona Debbie Steph Tina Ms Whiplash Zebedee Slackbladder Little Stiffy and dog Maisie Dumper Shitfor Desperate Cerberus BillyBullshit Spot Iceman Motox BGB Frankie (now Tekeelova) Bomber Posh Twanky Blowjob Theresa with dogs Minty and Pickle Slowsucker Mother Theresa Lemming Foghorn Tinopener Lilo and dog Minx Lungs Dennis Mike Bob CabinBuoy C4 SkinnyDipper Grommet Stinking Bishop RandyMandy Kevin Bob Rita

Nearly Christmas!

Christmas time is the season of goodwill to all so on behalf of BH³ I would like to send an enormous amount of goodwill and our very best wishes to a couple of our Hashers who have just experienced some problems (this is very English understatement). Rampant – who has managed to break his leg in a motorcycle accident. And Whinge – who has undergone serious surgery recently (pleased to say he hasn’t lost his sense of humour!). Let us not forget also their ladies: Dunny and TC who are caring and worrying for them. Come back soon y’all.

While Ebony puttered round the car park with Bumwiper, wearing a very fetching little Christmas scarf, an exhausted Hare Florence scuttered back in to it, followed by an even more exhausted C5, telling me, “I’m f***ed.” Not an expletive often used by our good C5 so I figured he really meant it. Given the early chaos after the On Out, largely brought about by our knackered Hare, the exhaustion was obviously mental as well as physical. In the freezing air we shivered up a slim track, following Billy. He called a False (well “On False”, actually) rather surprisingly, so we all started shivering back, only to be stopped by C5 who was kicking out the Check in our direction and calling “On On”. Before realising that… it was actually a False and calling us all in the opposite direction a little sheepishly. Oops! I could understand the tiredness since the Hares had started extremely early in the frozen morning.

Cold it certainly was, though the sun was bright, and I was having problems switching on and off my recording machine with frozen fingers. While running along with Fannybag and Lemming I mentioned this and FB replied that, yes, her fingers were turning blue too. “What I need.” I told Lemming. “Is somewhere warm to put my fingers.” Lemming was perhaps not the best person to confide in since his suggestion that FB and I could perhaps help each other out was not warmly received. “Besides.” Said FB. “It might be a little awkward to run.”

Our picture today is of CrustyToasty, looking a little careworn after a cold dunking in shiggy and leaves at the Regroup by Shitfor and NappyRash, ably assisted by Lemming. The naughty fellow had nicked my PH⁴ T-shirt at our recent Hash Christmas extravaganza following a little water pistol horseplay that dampened him somewhat. I should explain that PH⁴ is a small splinter Hash named P*ss Heads Hash House Harriers made up of a number of, well, P*ss Heads. One of whom is Cerberus whose PH⁴ nickname is Pukeahontas, following a disastrous and internally (initially, at least) challenging attempt to keep up with Shitfor and Desperate in the drinking stakes. Crusty took his first assisted Hash christening well and even managed to get his own back with a few handfuls of shiggy. Our virgin ladies: Debbie Steph and Tina looked on incredulously. Actually, any more of the stretching that they did with Fiona in the car park after the Trail and they may be next. Take note, ladies!

I must mention RandyMandy who was amazed and surprised to find herself right at the front after a fortuitous finger point by the friendly C5. This unexpected FRB role had her squeaking “On On” in an alternating falsetto/contralto which almost matched Cerberus in its range and intensity. Needless to say, it didn’t last long but we all enjoyed it while it did. RM’s comment that, “I’ve never been in front. Often on top but never in front.” Had a few of the gentlemen Hashers gulping in surprise.

Lemming kindly helped our virgin Hash ladies to cool down by slipping slivers of ice down their backs as we trolled onwards. Not far to go now and I fell in with Billy for a chat as we ran. Kind of wished I hadn’t as he went from telling me about his large restaurant meal last night to the fact that he’d had three poos that morning. I forced the pace a tad, catching up with Bomber, who we accused of short-cutting, though it turned out he had just come back from a False, and out we popped on to the cricket square opposite Checkendon village hall. Donut was sitting on a bench shivering and grinning. She advised us that BumWiper had suffered an upper body, zip-oriented wardrobe malfunction towards the end of the Trail that seriously affected her balanced running as ‘things’ swung violently out of control.

We changed quickly as the temperature dropped and scuttled in to the hall for warmth, chat, sausage rolls, mince pies, mulled wine and West Berkshire beer. Lovely!

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Shitfor (despite Desperate’s protestations) presented the following :-

Desperate attempt to drink from one of them – she done well!

Up and Coming