The Ungrizzled

Dumper, Lilo, Tinopener, Heavy Petting, Bumwiper, Cerberis, Crusty Toasty, Skinnydipper, Handful, Trigger, Swallow, Slowsucker, Randy Mandy, Blind Pew, Whinge, TC, Blouseblazer, Tequilover, Horny, Motox, Caboose, Old Fart, Slapper, Nosole, Penny Pitstop, Honeymonster, Snowy,Twanky, Dorothy, Blowjob, GT, PQ, Poca, Iceman, Donut, Chuckchop, Steve, Theresa, Alan, Brian, Kate, Barbara, Fiona, Mark, Angella, Nicole, Bob, Jamie

Not The Tufty Club

Missing today were the foolish souls on the hill running the ‘Grizzly’ and most of the committee as anywhere east of Theale gives them a nosebleed (Their alternative name is ‘The Thatcham Massif’) As you know they usually come together but Snowy bravely sniffing back the blood coming from his left nostril and as an extra curricular member of said ‘Massif’ had been volunteered as stand in GM and risked exsanguination. He informed us that absolutely nothing had happened in history in 1790 but on March 11^th it seems like only yesterday that Paul and Linda were getting married and I suppose March 11^th last year and the nuclear meltdown at Fukushima 1 caused by the tsunami in Japan wasn’t worth remembering. Anyway he quickly handed over to the Hares

Now every Hare has their own style and today’s trail layers is to stand around giggling for 11minutes as the pack dithered and crisscrossed the busy A4. Now Tufty would have been very unhappy with our Hares if that is possible for a small red squirrel as road safety is extremely important and lured by the woodland trails and glades and forests (Picea abies) it was only natural for the Hash to want to spread it’s legs in this direction as the alternative was the long and not very winding road in the other direction and the railway. With one hare called ‘Sh*t for brains’ and the other ‘Nappy Rash’ which is akin to ‘Pain in the a**e’ it was to be expected – David Prowse would be having an asthma attack at the behaviour. Even my requests to please please me by getting the trail moving were met with further sniggers but eventually we set out for flat plains of the Walthams. In places it was like being back in the USSR with the Tundra spreading out for miles and the pack scattered in every direction.

The trail did at least send the FRBs far and wide – Bob and Old Fart heading towards Cox Green at one point but it also had the effect of ticking off said frontrunners and soon at every check the Hash became like a Flash Mob gathering and waiting for some clue as to which direction to go. Occasionally cries of ‘get back’ were heard as some brave soul like Dorothy had strayed too far in the wrong direction. It also threw up strange front runners Snowy and GT were seen leading the pack and passing I heard one say ‘aint she sweet’ but whether it was a reference to the absent Slippery or pregnant daughter Poca I know not. Inevitably the pack crossed the railway to be met by the walkers led by a resolute Dumper coming in the opposite direction. It was not entirely impossible that from me to you we had been going wrong way all morning!

We now headed into Waltham St Lawrence where a crowd of friendly cyclists keen to know what we were doing had stopped at The Bell for a drink. If there was a check it was now well covered but as a sign saying ‘To the Shoot’ and a coincidental footpath it was inevitable that we would head for the sound of the guns and as Twanky put it a ‘Shotcut’! He was scared of the noise and Blowjob was heard to say I want to hold your hand –Ah! A very long stretch which spread out the already spread out Hash even further led to the back of a Golf course and a chance for the Flash mob to gather again.

Catching up I passed Donut and Caboose discussing his latest rail journey and I enquired of his health as I passed and he replied that he felt fine which is good as one worries about his diet with all the buffet food he must eat. He had in fact cycled today as the nearest railway station is next door to where he lives in Twyford. We now circled the Golf course and we caught a glimpse of the short cutters crossing the trail in front which is always helpful. A confused Trigger in his natty headscarf was standing by a false looking for help. The still busy A4 could be heard round the corner and as we had only been out just over an hour it was possible we would get to practice our Green Cross Code again but no the Hares had let it be and we were soon flying through the small copse at the back of the pub and On Inn

A few additional words on today’s Hares who had vexed me deeply at the start. As most of you will have noticed Shitfor in full flow makes Simple seem retiring but deep inside is a romantic soul and despite his co Hare Nappy Rash winding him up about getting engaged so that he could organize a Stag do to one of the flesh pots of Europe, he has resisted this. However very recently he bought partner and fellow Hare Desperate (ic walkers) a commitment ring (She should be committed ring!) Sadly tragedy has struck and the ring has broken – proper job you know – diamonds down the drain and band broken. All this came out during the down downs and as poor Desperate coerced into helping after hey, not unreasonably Jude had refused, poured her soul out to the circle. I’m not a paperback writer but I felt those who missed it should be informed and there is certainly not space in the down downs to cover it! All is well and her mother should know a good jeweller!

Thanks to the Hares for a trail with a twist on a beautiful day which after last week’s arctic blast was just what we needed

OnOn. Slowsucker

Down Downs

RA Motox presented the following :-

Lilo by a mouthful

Up and Coming