Too many Cooks

Simple(Mr Cook) Skidmarks(Mrs Cook) Valerie (Mrs Cook) Potty Nutty Miss Whiplash Hamlet Whinge Dumper Lilo Tinopener Iceman Spot Snowy Lemming Mother Foghorn Blouseblazer Tequilover Messenger Boy Motox Slowsucker Swallow Awol Bob Fiona Flash

Hare Hare(Here Here)

Numbers were down on a bright and sunny Mother’s day though the GM was doing his best by bringing his Mum plus wife plus ex wife and there was a baby briefly though I have no idea whose it was. His mother is a diminutive lady and is dwarfed by our ever expanding leader and he towered over her in the circle. I had always thought of Simple as a test tube baby that had mutated and escaped and seeing him and his mother side by side one could still believe this.

After some nonsense he handed over to the ex Mrs Cook aka Dunny and despite her co-hare Rampant being “Hors de combat” since his motor cycle accident he is still fitter than three quarters of the Hash. It was going to be a long one and with miles and miles of forest and heath in every direction and countless footpaths there was going to be plenty of checking to do.

Needless to say the start of the Hash was somewhat slow as due to the oedipal tendencies of the FRBs, most of whom were absent, there was a certain reluctance for anybody to check in any direction let alone the right one and with all of “Middleton” country to choose from, confusion abounded. However unlike last week’s debacle Dunny swiftly marked the trail with a blue arrow and off we went. In fact so clearly was it marked/kicked through that I dallied at the back for a while to discuss the “Mighty Royals” (No not Prince William) with fellow season ticket holders Dumper and Blouseblazer. As supporters of many years winning lots of games (Famous last words) is not something that we are used to or comfortable with! A strongly pessimistic nay fatalistic streak is essential to be a typical Reading fan.

The trail twisted and turned criss-crossing the road and periodically the walkers hove into view or were seen loitering by a check with their guide Rampant to watch the fun. There was plenty of shiggy about but for once Lemming was on his best behaviour (The bar is set fairly low) and on one long muddy downhill stretch he was briefly at the head of the pursuing pack. Tequilover and Iceman were doing most of the work now and Dunny was allowing them to disappear in the wrong direction just long enough to allow even Motox our speed walker to catch up. She would then nonchalantly flour the route with a flourish and a look of disdain as if it had been obvious that it went that way the whole time. It should be pointed out that there was often five or six options at most checks with blobs laid lovingly down each

We passed Bucklebury Farm Park on our right mainly in a group but most with only a vague idea that we were going anti-clockwise though Iceman claimed to have laid a trail here before and his stentorian “On Ons” were to be heard ahead through the leafy glades. He was to go unpunished later for admitting to extra midweek training and it is certainly paying dividends as at times he was moving like a stampeding Aberdeen Angus. Athleticism is not encouraged and Fiona also had to be reprimanded afterwards in the car park as she did her warm down stretches.

We were not moving so fast as to strike up snatches of conversation and today the highlights were: Whinge complaining(Surely not) that TC was misbehaving on her crutches after some sort of hip procedure(Get well soon) like he was the perfect patient, Snowy bereft that Slippery was away on the Isle of Wight with the Ramblers(Crikey they’re older than us), Iceman has an interview but the absolute highlight was Whiplash so politely refusing Motox’s generous offer of sharing a room when they are in Prague supporting Slapper in some race.

Arriving back at the pub both walkers and shot cutters were back and already ensconced in the bar. We had run upwards of 8 miles according to someone with a GPS tuned into Telstar with no tantrums, no tears and no bad language (Well only once and that was me) through some great countryside. Dunny needless to say was disappointed as she had hoped that somebody would do 8.6 miles(She was very specific about this) though only the directionally challenged Zebedee might have managed this and he wasn’t here today.

I must make mention of the halt, the sick and the lame – Hamlet who was walking like Herr Flick which was sad. It is said of him that he could drop his strides etc in the blink of an eye once upon a time and a fine sight if you like that sort of thing.Miss Whiplash limping heavily claimed to have fallen down stairs unaided by alcohol. It was later whispered to me by someone close to her that the hook and eye fixing in the ceiling had failed after a particularly hard tug on one of the ropes and pulleys attached to it whilst manoeuvring a client into position. I can only assume that was why Spot was also walking today!

An excellent trail with us all back at the pub within minutes and well marshalled by power crazed Dunny and recovering Rampant plus joy of joys “Hash chips” . Bowls of them! Many thanks Hares

On On. Slowsucker

Down Downs

RA Spot presented the following :-

Sippingly

Up and Coming