Either Side of the Pond

BH³ - Nappyrash HP Donut Hashgate Swallow Slowsucker Motox Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Booby TinOpener Lilo and dog Minx Foghorn Cerberus BillyBullshit Shotfor Desperate Twanky Blowjob Lemming Mother Theresa Lonely Bootsie and dog Coco JohhnyWalker RandyMandy BlindPew BGB Tequilova Dunny Rampant Bumwiper and dog Ebony Snowballs Spot OldFart Alison Horny 2Bob MessengerBoy Iceman Fannybag Bogbrush Dumper C5 Ms Whiplash Mark Angella SkinnyDipper Cheating Carloss and dog Teddy Whinge TC Steamer… and much later Florence Zebedee

Dog’s Bollocks NYCH³ – FastAmericanDaveNumber6 JumpingJackGash Yankit Brendan Eager4Beavers Naked Ahoy,The Wanker ViagraSpice Laird JustDoug JustRoss SmackMouth. Hope I got you all guys!

The Yanks Are Coming! The Yanks Are Coming!

Due to the flooding Thames our Hares Bomber and Posh had adopted Plan 36c for today’s frosty Trail. Though those of us who had, literally, waded knee-deep through at least a third of a Hash with North Wilts last week were disappointed at the lack of water we could completely understand that if, for example, Motox slipped on a large underwater duck poo on the inundated towpath, watching him being borne rapidly away by the powerful current, like Millais’ ‘Ophelia’ (I know, you’ll have to stretch your imaginations a bit) might put a crimp in the day. So our exposure to the racing current was to be near it rather than in it.

Though I have to mention Zebedee and Florence, who turned up surprisingly (spot of light irony there) late and got caught out by a naughty trick. While we gathered for the Circle opposite the pub NappyRash noticed a plastic container of flour and tiptoed over to it. Picking it up he laid a careful flour arrow pointing down a track in completely the opposite direction to where we On Outed. Shitfor completed the scam by laying a few blobs further along. Zeb and Flo were completely suckered by this and spent half an hour searching for a non-existent Trail before their light bulb moment. Nice trick  Glad it didn’t happen to me.

We were a tad surprised that our American friends were not at the Circle. Having travelled so far to get here from NY we hadn’t thought that getting to Henley would be an issue. Never mind, we On Outed eagerly since it was damn cold and we wanted to get warm. We streamed off up the hill behind the pub since some of us had seen the Check at the top near Gillotts Lane. Silly us. We should have known our Hares wouldn’t go straight up there. Back we came, a little warmer now. Myself in particular since I was hurrying to get away from Lonely’s Movember moustache. The bristly appendage adorned his upper lip like a limp, grey, hairy caterpillar. His comment to me that ladies don’t like to be kissed by a gent with such a growth did not fill me with surprise.

So where did we go? Downhill to Henley station, of course, where a throng of Yanks whooped, high-fived, chest-bumped in a manly way and “Aaaright”ed with all the exuberance of their youthful society. Oh, ok, they didn’t but I had to work in a little stereotyping didn’t I? Great to see them and we all trotted happily along to the Rowing Museum before realising we had gone completely the wrong way. Still we got to meet a lady dressed as Santa Claus who was just about to join a Santa Run around the town. Guess everyone fancied a trot on this cold, clear day.

So where did we go? When you are at river level with a flooded river there’s only one way to go. Up the hill. Bit of a lung-burster this. Especially if, like one of the NYCH³ Hashers and I hit a False a third of the way up and had to backtrack. Up and up we staggered, finally turning left just along from Mrs Harrison’s magnificent estate – by the side of which where Nappyrash stopped for a whizzer while wearing a frock during the Red Dres Run a few years ago and only noticed the large CCTV camera directly above him when I pointed it out.

At least we were off road and we made the most of it by failing dismally to locate the Trail from a 3-way Check. Foghorn decided that the open field Nature Reserve on the hill with no clear exit would be a nice run and heaved up it calling “On On” and grinning, followed by C5, Lemming and me. The Pack had actually been well foxed by BlindPew who had twice gone up the correct Trail before turning back. Little more self-belief needed BP. And where from here? Why uphill of course. All the way to that Check by Gillotts Lane some of us had seen before. We knew we were in for a long loop as soon as we headed down to Harpsden Valley and turned right, instead of left, back to Henley. Mind you, lovely running through the woods and fields. Especially that part of the route we had taken on Booby’s recent Trail.

By the time we reached the woods at the top of the other side of the valley the Pack had spread itself far and wide and scarcely a Yank was to be seen where I was. I found myself with Randy Mandy, Bumwiper and her eager black and white spaniel, Ebony, who was wearing a knitted green bodywarmer (Lord! I’m glad I’m not Bumwiper’s dog. I’d die of embarrassment) and who was exceptionally keen to soak it in every muddy puddle and patch of wet-leaf shiggy we came across. Way down back into the valley via a slippery, flint-strewn and polished mud track, along the road and, you guessed it, way back up the other side. Some Americans had appeared so we chatted amiably, as much as our shortness of breath would allow. At least we were back at the top of the hill so knew we weren’t far from the end. I fell in step with TinOpener who told me all about his and Lilo’s recent holiday on a boat in the Maldives – a bit surreal on this nippy December day while running on leaden legs but it passed the time as we dropped back down to the cars and a welcome pint in a pub that was rammed with Anglo-American goodwill.

Many thanks to our Hares for adapting their Trail so deftly and to our friends from NYCH³ for joining us – even if they only ran _2/3 of it  Check out their website at http://www.hashnyc.com/ It’s the Dog’s Bollocks!

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

Shitfor presented the Down Downs in fast forward mode, possibly making it the fastest on record.

Up and Coming