The Hashers

BGB, To Keel Over, Cabin Buoy, Carloss, Centaur, Christine (virgin) C4, C5, Desperate, Heavy Petting, Helen, Mother, Lemming, Nappy Rash, Shitfor, Dunny, Flo, Zeb, Iceman, Little Stiffy, Miss Match, No Style, Slackbladder, Messenger Boy, Miss Whiplash, Motox, Mr Blobby, Mrs Blobby, Nutty, Potty, Rampant Rabbit, Simple, Skids, Skinny Dipper, Slowsucker, Swallow, Tin Opener, Lilo, Twanky, Slapper, No Sole, Whinge, TC, Woodentop plus the four hares: Chuck Choc, Beaver, Snowy and Potty

Brass Monkeys without Their Genitalia

Yes, it was cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey! (I assume that everyone knows that a ‘monkey’ was a brass frame on board ship that they used to store cannonballs on. In cold weather, the brass contracted, causing the balls to fall off. That’s the story anyway; it could be myth or it could be fact – you decide.). Anyway, as we gathered round in the car park it was very cold indeed! So it was a blessing that our beloved GM, with his useless (oops, I mean useful) facts about our location was absent. So Motox took his place – but even he couldn’t resist telling us that 1840 (the number of the run) was the year his house was built. As far as useless facts go, that’s a cracker!

We eventually got going and what a blessed relief it was to be moving and getting a bit warmer! The on out was pointed out to us, on the basis that, as one of the hares said, ‘It’s too cold to be p***ing about in this weather. So we were soon into the countryside and what jolly japes we had. We passed some horses, who were so pleased to see us that they started leaping about, kicking their hooves in the air and generally getting very excited. It’s a good job they were separated form us by a fence or there would have been a few people wishing that they’d got a pair of brown running shorts, like me.

It was a very hilly trail. It did mean that we had to work hard and therefore we kept warm. On the other hand, you can have too much of a good thing and we were teetering on the edge of that. Every time we went up, we levelled out and instead of going down we went up again. I’m sure that the Cottage Inn we finished at was considerably higher than the one we started at because I distinctly remember more up than down.

I’ll say one thing for it, though, there was a lot of flour out there. So much so, that it really upset BGB (who, as we all know, is somewhat parsimonious with the flour) who was seen scooping up some of the excess so that he could use it for his next trail. It has to be said that all the flour was a bit of a double-edged sword because, what with some snow still laying around, more than one hasher mistook snow for flour and did a delightful detour thinking they were on the trail when they were following snow.

The usual trail from the Cottage Inn goes through the woods of Bucklebury Common. It was a novelty, therefore, to do more open countryside on this hash and see some very nice properties. In fact, at one stage I thought that the hares were probably from an estate agent (Snow, Pott, Beaver and Chuck) and were trying to flog us a nice house. It was very picturesque, though, and made a nice change.

The downside of that, though (there’s always a downside – why can’t life be perfect, like I am?) was that there were a number of longish, straightish bits which were fine except, of course, that the front runners decided that it was a good excuse to race. Slowsucker had the front to complain to me that Rampant, Zeb and Mr Blobby were being too competitive! I did point out to him that he might also have been complicit in that and he did have the grace to smile ruefully. I’m not sure who won this race, because he didn’t tell me. From that I deduce that he didn’t! My money’s on Rampant, what do you think?

Eventually, racing or not, we all got back to the car park and began the very cold job of getting changed. The one advantage was that, I for one, didn’t have to bother trying to hide my manhood with a towel or anything, because the cold had shrivelled everything up. I always say that size doesn’t matter (it’s quality rather than quantity) but that took it to extremes! The pub, however, was very welcoming and it was nice to get into the warm. Shitfor had the good sense to do down downs inside, much to everyone’s relief, so we didn’t have to venture into the cold again. How do penguins cope? Actually, when it gets really cold they huddle very closely together to share body warmth. When I tried to do that Dunny threatened to call the police, so I gave that up as a bad job. It was worth a try, though!

On On. C5, standing in for Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Shitfor presented the following :-

Up and Coming