Berkshire Hash House Harriers 



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The Grosvenor
Kidmore End


HeavyPetting, NappyRash

Party Guests LoudonTasteless Donut Hashgate TC Whinge Desperate Shitfor Cerberus BillyBullshit and dogs Libby and Chilli Bumwiper and dog Ebony Diver Treacle OldFart James MessengerBoy Swallow Slowsucker Foghorn Lonely RandyMandy BlindPew Zebedee Florence Motox Posh Bomber Iceman Simple Skids DragonLady Chopstix Shandyman Tequilova BGB Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Dave Emily Josh Emma Hotlips Spot Ms Whiplash Helmet PrickleMagnet Slapper NoSole Gary Nicky Matt (now named as Door, see Down Downs) Roz AWOL Bogbrush FannyBag Caboose

Aloha HP and Hau`oli la Hanau!

After the banging 60th birthday Hash and rave on Saturday, hosted by Glittertits, Ms Whiplash, Snowballs, SlackBladder and me, I was surprised anyone could raise the energy for HP’s Hawaian Hash. Of course, she is much younger than we and looked very cute in her short (imitation) grass skirt, big 50 badge, lei and flowery hair band. Not to be outdone, Mr Blobby wore an ankle-length (imitation) grass skirt while Fannybag wore the same reddish dress she wore on The Red Dress Run.

We were lucky to have some Hawaian weather – well, the British version. All meteorlogical hell had been forecast to break loose durig the day but the evening was surprisingly pleasant and sunny and those of us wearing thin, garish shirts weren’t too chilled by the cool air. We started the evening with a photograph of the intrepid group and their supporters who had braved the cold, wet Reading ½ Marathon to raise £2,500 for The Royal Berks Charity, followed by a rather frightening chat by our Hares during which NappyRash demonstrated a Bar Check in flour for the benefit of our many visitors, mentioning that there may be a number which indicates how many blobs we should return, then writing a floury ‘115’ beside it. Urk! Many of us have been on the end of interminable Trails laid by these two before.

We had a feeling we might experience the country beauty of the inaptly named Bugs Bottom and we weren’t to be disappointed. Three Trails led into it and up its steep, grassy, sunny hill. Iceman set off on one false, RandyMandy another and Caboose swore blind, as he tracked back on the highest that no flour had ever sullied the sward wherein he had trod. Which was just before we were all called On Back by the Hares. So where did we go? Why, parallel to the upper track but through the impenetrable woods for a bit. Then out on to the path where the blobs of flour gleamed like piles of snow. We duly castigated Caboose for his lack of vision and scurried on up the hill, panting somewhat with the effort. Mind you, the view made it worth it, all rolling grass and trees with soft, leafy canopies swaying like green hula skirts in the breeze.

Our Hares had laid a Trail of infinite complexity, as Lonely and I found when we reached the bottom of a steep hill and found a Check. A voice had hallooed “Onnnn Onnnnn” along the track on our right. “Kick out the Check will you, Lonely?” I suggested. “Well I’d rather not.” He answered. “Just in case it’s wrong and my footprints implicate me in wrongful kicking out.” Or something along those lines. I had never had Lonely down as paranoid but doubts began to cloud my thoughts about him. I kicked out the Check, tutting all the while. We joyfully tripped along the hard earth… until we saw a large group of Hashers trekking back towards us. Lonely wasn’t paranoid… just sensible

RandyMandy was running well. Zipping up hills like an eland on speed. She informed us happily that BlindPew’s ankle was mending nicely and she told us even more happily that she was pleased to be running faster than he is at the moment. Perhaps the euphoria of the thought was the reason she hopped on to a mini roundabout in a children’s play area and was found by us spinning round so fast she couldn’t get off. Just as BlindPew entered the playground and shouted over to her that he didn’t want her puking in the car a gallant knight stepped in and stopped the whirling Mandy. Surprisingly, it was Slowsucker.

Our Beer Stop tonight was actually a cocktail and orange juice bar outside the pleasant little cottage that Diver and Treacle are wrecking looking after for a while. Refreshing – oh yes! After a long haul up a long hill this was a treat and we all hung about as long as possible in the brilliant sunshine. Many of us had expected a bit of a wiggly trot South towards the pub and were somewhat taken aback when we found we had to cross the A4074 and head further away. I was even more taken aback whilst skipping lightly through the wood after the golf course. Catching a leading foot on a small tree stump that erupted laughingly from the earth I plunged towards it like Mikhael Baryshnikov executing a less than perfect échappé, landing on one shoulder and managing not to say anything terribly rude in front of the fresh-faced, eighteen year old Emma… who completely (and quite rightly) ignored the fool grovelling in the shiggy at her feet.

Luckily, the pub was but a further two miles or so away and Swallow and I ankled in with a certain amount of insouciance… before collapsing behind our respective cars. Thank goodness that the thoughful HP had a) bought a light and tasy chocolate cake to share between us all, and b) sent daughter Diver to hand it out to us while she sat down to a well deserved beer with the rest of the family.

A most enjoyable Hash and we wish HP a very happy birthday this coming Thursday.

On On.  Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Shitfor actually performed the presentations outside for a change. Luckily, it wasn’t too cold so those of us still in Hawaian shirts didn’t shiver too much.

My blasted recorder has just decided to die on me so I can report only those that I remember. Apologies for any left out.

Matt was named as ‘Door’ since he was treated as one by a lady whose shoelaces he was asked to tie up. The lad took a good powderig of flour and shower of beer, applied by desperate and Cerberus.

Fannybag received one for wearing that old dress too early for the red Dress Run. Her turned up mouth at the beer taste was a picture.

Helmet and PrickleMagnet got one each because they had actually met at this pub 35 years ago.

Slowsucker and Mandy got ½ each coz it was their birthdays.

Hares HP and NappyRash enjoyed theirs.

Up and Coming



Grid Reference






BH3's Hash in the 8 in 8 in 8 Series
The Royal Oak
Hydes Platt, Ecchinswell, RG20 4UH





Frimley Green Working Men's Club
18-20 Sturt Rd, 
Frimley Green, GU16 6HX
Our '9 in 8' Joint Run with Guildford Hash

TA, Brain
& Wally