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Riff Raff

Desperate Shitfor Billy Donut Hashgate NappyRash WaveRider Foghorn Chopstix Shandyman NoSole Slapper BlindPew SkinnyDipper Dana OldFart Lungs Mr Blobby Mrs Blobby Bomber Posh Motox Itsyor DoorMatt HappyFeet Dorothy Whinge TC MessengerBoy Zebedee Florence Mark Angella Tequilova Caroline

The Rocky Horror Timewarp Hash

You can’t beat a good theme and The Rocky Horror Show, close to Hallowe’en was perfect, right down to the spats Twanky wore over his running shoes. Here he is as Riff Raff, the louche butler. DoorMatt came as the same character, superbly tailored in tails and with his own hair long enough to save him having to wear a wig. Our co-Hare, Blowjob, made a much more attractive figure as Magenta, in her cute maid’s outfit, matched by HappyFeet in similar domestic attire, albeit with a shorter skirt that she had to keep pulling down while running to preserve her modesty. The two most stunning outfits were worn by SkinnyDipper and our GM, Shandyman. The latter, apart from light-coloured tights, wore a woolly sheep-faced codpiece that baaa’d when pressed. Quite what that had to do with The Rocky Horror Show I’m not too sure but not too many Hashers were keen to ‘press the flesh’, as it were, in order to listen to the sound. La Dipper had got a lift with BlindPew who confessed to being mightily embarrassed that not only was she in his car but had actually walked to his house through the streets wearing the gear you see on the right of the page. Not sure if this pose is Skinny trying to out-twerk Miley Cyrus but the trainers provided a fine counterpoint to the stockings and suspenders. Lots of people dressed up though no-one turned up as Rocky Horror himself. Perhaps none of the chaps fancied the silver lurex shorts in the cold weather. And anyway, none of us have got the body for it! Just one last picture. This is BillyBullshit looking like a cross between Alice Cooper and The Joker and apparently wearing a mortar board. Certainly frightened the crap out of most of us.

Now Motox did not start the day well. Having entered the pub for a bio-break, pre-Hash, he managed to pull the handle off the door to the toilets. Then found that whenever he moved slightly during his siphoning activity he set off the hot air dryer which damn near fried his elbow every ten seconds. The rest of us had to endure the most banal and error-strewn delivery of the dance instructions to The Time Warp by Shandyman at the Gather Round. It’s pretty simple really: “It’s just a jump to the left and then a step to the right”. So Shandyman jumping to the right and stepping to the left didn’t really help the audience. Perhaps the sheep was causing him too much of a distraction. At least it didn’t baa when he jumped ?

“Don’t frighten the horses on the way” said Hare Twanky (fat chance, dressed as we were) and we were off on the Trail. As innocent as Brad and Janet and hoping we didn’t break down on the way like they had. It damn nearly came to that during those monumentally long bits along tarmac and field. However, we had a couple of things to break up the marathon. Like the huge, sculptured heads of The Queen and Prince Philip at Fifield Farm that loked out at us plebs so regally. Desperate, bless ‘er cotton socks, managed not to see them! Umm. How?! They were fifteen feet high and right next to the footpath. The poor sausage obviously needs a trip to Specsavers.

Luckily, we turned off the long and not particularly winding road into a track between two fenced fields where I was very amused to see a flock of sheep packed into the far corner, eyeing us with more than a little woolly suspicion. Perhaps Shandyman had gone past before me. If so, I could well understand their perturbation.

And then, after another long haul across a field during which Lungs advised me that hers (lungs, that is) were bursting, we reached the place that our Hares had been leading us to: Oakley Court. This delightful gothic hotel, overlooking well trimmed lawns that sweep down to the quiet Thames was the setting for much of the filming of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, based at nearby Bray Studios. Perfect! We shimmied on to the lawns for a group photo, a copy of which, no doubt, will find its way on to our website. As we flounced off round the grounds (I in my slightly moulting pink feather boa) we rather wondered what the hotel staff might make of it. Our assumption was that they were hiding behind curtains, egging each other on. “You go and tell them.” “No you should go.” Luckily we made it out of the grounds before they called security and trotted back to the pub via the Out Trail (thought I’d seen that polo training ground before) firstly chatting with Billy about sex (a slightly unexpected topic of conversation with, I might add, him doing most of the talking) and with Caroline a little later about Hashing (a much less stressful topic).

Must thank Riff Raff and Magenta for a great themed Hash at a pub most of us have never been to.

On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

Sadly, my machine was rather on the blink so the below is from memory.

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